Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version
by schreiberjoe
Summary: Chapter 16 is up! The story undergoes a tremendous twist with the introduction of some new characters. Who are they? What will happen to Henri? Read on to find out...
1. Chapter 1: What the Hell

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 1: What the Hell **

Epilogue:

It all began two years ago, when Henri TownShit moved into Room 302 of North AssFeeld Heights, a crappy apartment building located in a sickeningly little tiny-sized city, north of AssFeeld. Henri was very happy and was beginning to enjoy his new life living alone in this new apartment until five days ago, when something unexplainable had happened. Henri began to wet his bed each night. One other weird thing: He simply just couldn't get out of Room 302.

* * *

**_Flashback... _**

_Two years ago... _

_"Um... Mister Sonnderland... what the hell do you think you are doing, looking through my suitcases?" Henri asked, as he stared at the Super suspiciously. "Are you trying to steal my stuff?" _

_"Huh? Who? Me? Ha-ha... um... well, I-I... I... um... I... nothing... ha-ha... I was just trying to see if I can help you to bring up some of your suitcases..." He replied nervously, with a cheesy smile. _

_"Oh, its okay actually... I can bring the rest of my stuff to the room myself, Mister Sonnderland..." Henri said, as he walked up the stairs clumsily with the five suitcases in his hands. _

_"Please, call me Crank..." The Super replied. "And its alright... I needed the exercise anyway..." _

_"But Mister Sonnder... um... I mean, Crank... you don't..." _

_"Nonsense... Now look Henri, just let the cute guy help you with your suitcases already... now, how many more suitcases do you have left?" Crank asked. _

_"Huh? Who's the cute guy?" Henri asked, looking around._

_"Me, of course." Crank replied proudly. _

_Henri sweatdrop. _

_"Well... in that case, you could help me to carry the remaining 128 suitcases at the bottom of the stairs..." Henri replied. _

_Crank sweatdrop. _

_After huffing and puffing, carrying the 128 suitcases, up the many flights of stairs to the third floor, Crank was practically sweating out like a pig. The Super then throws the final few pieces of the suitcases into the living room of Room 302 before he collapses onto the floor on all four, like a cockroach, as he suffers from the involuntary twitching and cramps in his arms and limbs. _

_"HEY! Watch it, old freak! Dammit! Those are my stuff you are dealing with..." Henri scowled. He then looked at the pathetic old man lying on the floor. "Um... Crank? Are you alright? Crank?" He asked, when suddenly a look of fear plastered across his face. "OH NO! THE SUPER'S DEAD... HE IS DEAD... THE SUPER IS SO FUCKING DEAD..." Henri said. "This is all my fault..." _

_"Shut up, you fucking bastard..." Crank shouted. "I'm not yet dead..." _

_"What shall I do with the body? WHAT SHALL I DO WITH THE FUCKING BODY?" Henri screamed. "Wait! I could pour acid on him to get rid of the body... no... maybe I could chop the body into pieces and serve them as dinner for the everyone... tee-hee... that'll be so cool..." _

_Crank sweatdrop. "I SAID I'm NOT yet dead, asshole..." Crank shouted. _

_"Or... or maybe I could just burn this place down, together with the body..." He thinks aloud. "Or maybe..." _

_(Punch) _

_"Ouch!" Henri wailed. _

_"LISTEN TO ME AND SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTH UP, YOU IDIOT... I'M RIGHT HERE, ALIVE AND KICKING... I'M NOT YET DEAD, OKAY? YOU SICK BASTARD!" Crank retorted. _

_Henri gasped. "Oh my god! You are alive? CRANK, you are ALIVE! YOU ARE ALLIIIVVVVEEEEE!" He screamed madly as his arms swings wildly in the air. _

_Crank sweatdrop. "Stop it, you imbecile... you look stupid..." Crank muttered as he covers his face with his hand and shakes at his head. _

_"WHAT? What do you mean I LOOK stupid?" Henri scowled. _

_"Well... stupid as in 'idiot'... 'moron'... 'brainless'... 'retard'... and..." The Super replied. _

_"SHUT UP, OLD MAN! I'm not stupid! I'M NOT STUPIDDDDDD! Okay? Well, maybe for the retarded and brainless part... (looks over to see Crank staring hard at him)... alright, alright... fine, I'm also an idiot and a moron... but I'M NOT STUPID!" Henri screamed at the Super. _

_"Yes, you are!" The Super said sarcastically. _

_"No, I'm not... dammit!" Henri argued. _

_"Yes... yes... yes!" _

_"No... no... NO!" _

_"YES!" _

_"NOOOOOOOO!" _

_"YEEEEESSSSSS!" _

_"Oh yeah? Bring it on, old man..." Henri challenged the Super, as he bounces back and forth on the spot, clutching at his fists. _

_Crank laughed haughtily. "No go, Henri... the apartment lease contract clearly states that Super cannot be beaten up or abused in any way by any of the tenants..." _

_"Huh? What the-?" _

_"Ha-ha... I win and you LOSE!" Crank snickered. _

_"Damn..." Henri grumbled. _

_Silence. _

_"Oh yeah... speaking of apartment lease, why is the rent for this apartment so bloody cheap?" Henri asks. _

_"Well... um..." The Super began to fluster. _

_"Oh god! Don't tell me its got something to do with that rumor..." Henri scampered. _

_"Um... ha-ha... w-what rumor? What the fuck are you talking about?" The Super stammered, as he looked around uneasily. _

_"You mean you don't know? How can you not know about such things?" Henri said. _

_"Ha-ha… um… w-what things?" Crank asked, staring stupidly at the ceiling as he played around at his fingers. _

_"You dumb or something? Haven't you heard? There's this rumor from one of the tenants here... um... wait, let's see... i-its... its something about a guy who used to live here... he suddenly disappeared a few months ago..." Henri asked the old man innocently. "So what's that all about? Is he a magician or something?" _

_Crank immediately turned pale in the face. "Huh? Um... w-what do you mean?" He choked at his own saliva, as he looked around and feigned ignorance. "Um... Henri, don't just believe in whatever gibberish things you hear from the other tenants here... ha-ha... (gulp) this... uh... this room... um... is p-perfectly perfect... eh, trust me..." He said, looking away nervously. _

_"Hmm… alright then..." Henri finally relented. "Well, for a moment there, I thought that this room was haunted by ghosts and that a serial killer is on the loose trying to murder the occupants of this apartment building or something..." _

_"Um... ha-ha... well..." Crank looked around and he acted as though someone was calling him from outside. "I... I-I... I think I hear someone calling me... um... ha-ha... I-I... I'll make my move now... ha-ha... um... BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Crank immediately ran out of the apartment in fright. _

_Henri stared at the Super as he leaves the room. "Weirdo..." He shrugged as he continues to unpack his stuff. _

**_End of Flashback..._**

**_

* * *

_**

_Joey Schrubber slowly got up from his bed as he looks around the bedroom. The walls of the bedroom were covered in vomits. "Huh? What's with this room anyway? The disgusting vomits, the smell, the slimy shit... eeeeeeeeew... I can still see the chunks of meat and vegetables splattered all over the wall? Now that's gross... geez, is the person sick or something? (snickers) HEY! Wait a minute... (looks around the room) this looks like my room..." He told himself. _

_Joey could no longer stand the disgusting sight in the bedroom any longer. He quickly made his way out of the bedroom and squirms his way down the smelly and slimy-looking, vomit-filled narrow hall to his living room. _

_The living room was in an even greater mess. Not only were there traces of freshly vomited food all over the entire apartment walls, the unearthly sight of foul smelling wet excretion seeping through the ceiling above him was beginning to make his stomach churn and his bladder burst. _

_"What the hell is WRONG with this apartment? I mean... it IS my apartment alright, b-but... but what the fuck has happened to it?" Joey grunted. "There's crap, crap and CRAP everywhere... damn fucking cheap apartments!" _

_Then, all of a sudden, the lights in the apartment started to flicker and a brownish wet stain suddenly appeared out of nowhere on the wall. The disgusting pungent of wet excretion was getting stronger every minute. The excretion stain on the wall soon evolved into a huge brown patch as thick slimy wet excretion begins to seep through its surface, and a big fat purple Teletubby was seen wriggling its tub-of-lard smelly ass through the stained wall. The Teletubby then stumbles and falls to the ground with a thud. _

(Teletubby giggles)

The giggling Teletubby slowly hopped towards Joey.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed like a girly punkass and fainted. _

* * *

Henri jerked awake from his dream.

"Woah... what a fucking dream and (He looks down at his pants)... AAAAAAAH! I've wet my pants, again! Shit..." He groaned. Henri looked around his room. The room was back to its original state. No crap. No rubbish. Nothing. And most importantly, there was no freaky Teletubbies.

He immediately got out of his bed for a quick change of pants.

Henri cringes at the very thought of Teletubbies. In fact, he hated the Teletubbies, especially the purple one. Their stupid giggling sounds always make his head hurt bad. Henri always feels that there was something weird and seriously wrong going on behind those childish giggles and fake cheesy smiles of the Teletubbies. With all the information he had gathered through many years of research and confrontation, Henri finally concluded on one thing.

The Teletubbies were gay.

(Telephone ringing)

The telephone on his bedside table suddenly rang. Henrie stands limply by his bed, with his pants down, as he stared at the ringing telephone like a complete moron. It basically took a while for the reality to seep into his retarded tiny brain before he realized that his telephone was actually ringing. Henri immediately pulls up his new set of clean pants and buckles it before making a run over to the telephone.

"H-hello?" He answered.

"Hello." The voice replied.

"Yes?" Henri asked.

"Who is this?" The voice continued.

"Hey, you are the one calling, so I should be the one asking you that... so who the fuck are you?" Henri retorted.

"Why don't you tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine?"

"What the hell? Now, look here.. who are you trying to reach, anyway?"

"Oooh... what's that noise?"

"HUH? WHAT? WHAT NOISE? There's _NO _fucking noise around here... and stop changing the topic, you sick fuck! _WHO _are you trying to reach?" Henri shouted at the receiver.

"Its popcorn? Right?" The caller asked.

"Like hell, no! Look here buddy, I seriously think you've got the wrong number!" Henri said.

"What? No way..."

"Yeah, I think you do... no worries, dude... it happens _ALLLLLL _the time..." Henri comforted the caller.

Silence.

"So, what's with the popcorn? You watching a scary movie?" The caller continued.

"What the-? I TOLD YOU BEFORE... THERE'S NO POPCORN, DAMMIT! NO POPCORN, YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU EVEN BOTHER LISTENING TO WHAT I'VE SAID?" Henri yelled at the top of his voice.

"I see..." The mysterious caller finally said.

"There you go... now stop bothering me and-"

"So, what's your favorite scary movie?" The caller interrupted.

Henri sweatdrop. _"WHAT?" _

"Hello? Are you still there?" The bothersome caller asked.

"SHUT UP AND GET A LIFE, LOSER... DAMMIT! I'm gonna hang up..." Henri said.

"WAIT... WAIT... Don't hang up on me, yet!" The mysterious caller screamed.

Henri slammed the receiver back onto the phone.

(Telephone ringing)

_"Great! Now what?" _Henri thought. "Hello?"

"You haven't told me your name yet..." It was the mysterious jackass caller again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO EAT YOUR OWN SHIT, YOU MORON..." Henri screamed at the receiver disappointingly. "I'm hanging up..."

"YOU HANG UP ON ME _ONE MORE TIME_ AND I'LL MAKE SURE TO RIP YOUR GUTS OUT AND LET YOU BLEED TO DEATH!" The caller threatened.

"What? Is this a prank?" Henri asked. "Is that you, Crank? This _IS _so not funny..."

"No, you dimwit... I'm _NOT_ Crank..."

"Okay, fine... have it your way... and since you are at it, I might as well just play along with you..." Henri answered annoyingly, as he rolls his eyes over. "So, why do you want to know my name anyway... Mister-Psychopath? I mean, I'm just a typical, handsome and sexy looking single white male with an attractive bum and..."

"SHUT UP! I just wanna know who I'm looking at..."

Henri gasped. "What did you just say?"

"I SAID, I wanna know who I'm looking at... _Sidney_..."

"What the hell? I'm not Sidney... dammit!"

"What? Wait, isn't this... the Prescot residence?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Henri asked.

"Oops... sorry, got the wrong number! BYYEEE!"

The mysterious caller hung up.

_"What the hell?" _

Henri throws the receiver angrily down at the telephone. "THAT'S IT! NO MORE NUISANCE CALLS FOR ME!" He said to himself as he viciously rips the cord of the telephone out from its socket box. "Ha-ha... that'll teach you psycho-maniacs from calling to... Oh my god! Why didn't I think of that? _THE _telephone! That's it... I can use it to call out for help and... (glanced back at the telephone)... _S-H-I-T! _I've ripped the cord off already..." He groaned miserably. "Dammit..."

Henri then heads out into the living room where he still sees the front door tightly chained up from the inside.

_(Weird moaning sound…) _

_"Five days ago... that was when I first wet my bed... Damn... since then, I haven't been able to get out of my apartment... My fucking world has been turned upside down, inside out, and round and round and round... The door's heavily chained up and all the windows are sealed shut... Strange enough, I can still breathe... I wonder where the supply of air is coming from..." _

Suddenly, the words **"Do Not Go Out, Wolter"** appeared on the door.

"What the hell?" Henri exclaimed, as he places his hand on the writing. "Dammit! Its permanent ink! Now Crank's gonna beat the hell out of me for this..."

(Sounds coming from outside the door)

"Eh? What the-?" Henri said to himself as he moves forward to look through the peephole on the door. Outside, along the corridor, was a fairly attractive lady busily stuffing bottles of milk into her grocery bag.

"That's Elyne Craving from next door... and... and... damn, she's stealing my milk... _AGAIN!_" He fumed. "That bitch!"

Elyne nervously looked around to make sure that her there was nobody around before she stuff the last bottle of Henri's milk into her grocery bag. "Tee-hee... I sure hope that all these milk for my milkbath will change my luck before the party tonight..." She mumbled to herself before walking away to her own apartment.

(Henri bangs on the door)

"HEY! BITCH... LEMME OUT... CAN YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? LEMME OUT AND... WAIT! D-DID YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A PARTY? WHAT PARTY? IS IT FUN? KINKY? DAMN... WHY WASN'T I INVITED?" Henri screamed. "HEY BITCH! ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING? I SAY LEMME OUT, GODAMMIT!"

(Continues to bang at the door)

"Eh? What the fuck is that noise?" Eylne stopped at the last bottle of milk in her hands as she lifted her head up to look around.

"ITS ME... YOU DUMB BROAD... GET ME OUT OF HERE...!" Henri pleaded.

"Oh... ha-ha... its just my stomach growling..." She giggled as she continues to stuff the final bottle of milk into her grocery bag. "Meh... I am so hungry... Guess I'll just pop by UnHappy Burger for a quick bite..." She said as she walks down the corridor.

Henri sweatdrop.

Just then, Henri felt something slipped under the door and he bends over to pick it up. It was a message with the words **"Mommy-dearest... wake up already, dammit!" **childishly written on a tiny piece of dirty paper in colorful crayons.

"Fuck... do I look like someone else's mommy?" He shouted angrily. "Damn kids nowadays... can't even differentiate between a man and a woman..."

Henri throws away the piece of paper in disgust as he walked towards the fridge for some snacks. But to his dismay, all that was left in the fridge was a bottle of expired chocolate milk and an empty wine bottle.

"Damn..."

* * *

Moments later...

Henri slowly walks towards the windows at the far end of the living room, when he noticed some crappy old scrap book sticking out awkwardly from behind the bookcase. "Eh? What is this?" He said to himself as he bends over to pick it up to read at its contents.

**_"Through the silly Ritual of the Holy Exhumation, he built a wonderland. It exists in a fucking space isolated from the wonderland of our Management. To be more precise, it is either within or without the Management's wonderland and that sucks big time. Unlike the wonderland of our so-called capable Management, it is a funny place in extreme flapdoodle. Explicit broken doors or jagged walls, dancing floors, sexy-looking creatures, a fantasy wonderland only he can play with... any sucker being swallowed up by that wonderland will automatically be granted to migrate over there forever and ever and ever and ever... as an undead. The new immigrants will then gain their exclusive life-long realm membership, absolutely free-of-charge. But how can the wonderland Management allow such rules? I mean, it practically violates all the wonderland practices that we preach... not to mention the possible losses incurred through tax payments..."_**

"What the hell?" Henri mumbles. "Who the bloody idiot is the author anyway? Everything written in this piece of crap just doesn't make any logical sense... dammit... what a rip-off..."

Henri then disregards the stupid scrap book as he looks through the windows in the living room, staring at a slutty woman with big boobies doing some cheap erotic dancing along the subway entrance. The woman giggled like a retard as she dances provocatively along the stairs when suddenly, she loses her footing when her heels slipped off the edge of the stairs and she falls and rolls down the flight of stairs into the subway station. _"What a bitch..." _Henri snickered with a snort.

(Heavy loud crashing sound from the bathroom)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He shrieked, looking startled. "Shit... I nearly crap in my pants... Dammit! What the bloody hell was that?"

Henri swiftly made his way to the origin of the noise as he enters into the bathroom. To his shocking find, Henri saw a hole in the wall.

"What the hell?" Henri exclaimed. "Oh shit... the Super is so gonna kill me this time and... (his eyes suddenly brightens up)... hey! Maybe this could be my ticket outta this freaky room... WOO-HOO!"

Henri excitedly hopped towards the entrance of the hole to pull out a broken pipe, which was sticking out in an awkward position from the edge of the hole on the chipped off wall, before shoving his big head into the grimy-looking hole.

"Hello? Anybody there?" His voice echoed, as he continues to squeeze himself through the dark and smelly tunnel.

Henri began to crawl along the tunnel. "Meh, this tunnel is damn filthy... I mean, look at all this filthy rubbish in here..." He grumbled as he continues to push himself further into the tunnel when, not long after, he saw a beam of light at the other end of the tunnel.

"Ooh... goody... goody... THE EXIT!" Henri cheered. He could almost feel the taste of freedom. The moron giggled like a girl as he continues down the filthy tunnel towards the light.

"Yes... a little bit more... a little bit more..." He told himself. "Just a little... Huh? What the fuck?" He shouted in disbelieve.

(Making pig-like struggling sounds)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Fuck! I'M STUCK!" He screamed as he started to hyperventilate.

He struggled hard in the tunnel. "_Alright Henri... calm down... there's gotta be a way out of this situation... now, think thin... Henri... think THINNNNNNNNNNNN!"_ He reassured himself.

Henri kicked and struggled inside the tunnel when suddenly, the light at the end of the tunnel suddenly grew brighter and brighter, until he was totally swallowed by the whites of the light.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EYES... MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSSS!" He hissed, as he writhed in agony. "HELP... I'M STUCK IN A FUCKING TUNNEL AND I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE... AND NOW MY EYES HURTS... HEELLLPPPPPPPPP!"

Henri was screaming so much that he fainted from exhaustion.

* * *

Later...

Henri slowly opens his eyes. He looks around groggily, only to find himself sitting on the steps of a very slow-moving escalator. _"What the hell?" _He wondered. Henri attempts to stand up when he lost his balance and falls down the moving escalator.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He cried painfully.

Henri slowly pulls himself up from the floor as he looks around the place. "Holy cow! What the fuck is this place anyway? It looks like the North AssFeeld Subway Station but... where the fuck is everyone?" Henri grumbled as he continues down the empty hall at when he chanced upon a scantily clad woman standing at the far end of the hall, back facing him.

"Helloooo, lady..." He called out. When the woman did not respond, Henri shouted out again. "HEY! YOU THERE... BITCH, I'M CALLING YOU!"

The woman turns around. Henri shrieked, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek..." He screamed before he puked all over himself. The woman was the most hideous-looking piece of crap Henri had ever seen in his life. She had thick bushy eyebrows with tiny sesame seed-sized eyes and she also has a goatee around her big and fat slimy lips.

The woman sweatdrop.

"Oh, stop squirming like a sissy!" She scolded him. "Anyway, who are you? What your name?" She asks.

"Um... H-henri..." He stammered. "And you?"

"What? This is my dream and you don't even know my fucking name?" She said sarcastically. "Its Sinthia."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What dream?" Henri scowled as he stares at her suspiciously. "Are you high on drugs?"

"Oh, shut up Henri..." She said. "Don't you know? This is just a dream... _MY _dream... and for your fucking information, I'm not a drug-y... asshole... (looks at him) Geez... guess you are not that smart after all, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah? So, you think this is your stupid fucking dream, huh? A dream, is it? A DREAM? A DREAMMMMM?" He rumbled madly as he pulls at his hair.

"Stop it, Henri... you are scaring me..." Sinthia chided. "Anyway, I really wanna get the hell out of this stupid place... but I just can't find the exit... Will you help me to find it?" Sinthia said, as she playfully fondles at his chin.

"Stop that... it tickles!" Henri scolded as he swipes her hand away.

"Alright, fine... so what do you say?" She prompted.

"What?" Henri asked annoyingly.

"Dammit, Henri... I said, will you help me to find the exit?"

"Hmmm..." Henri hummed.

* * *

Five minutes later...

"Well?" She asked impatiently.

"No."

"WHAT? After all this time, and all you could come out with is _'NO'_?" She said angrily.

"You said this _IS _your dream... your little fantasy, right? So you go look for your fucking exit yourself, bitch..." He said, with his hand shooing her away.

"Arrggghhhh... alright... alright... here's the deal... I'll do a _SPECIAL_ favor for you if you help me out here..." She said, as she runs her fingers suggestively along her sexy neckline.

"Oooh... kinky!" Henri purred.

"Yeah... this necklace of mine is indeed precious... its yours if you could help me out here..."

"What the hell?" Henri almost shouted.

"What do you mean 'what the hell'?" Sinthia asked, as she looks at the weird expression on his face. "DAMMIT HENRI... WERE YOU THINKING OF SOME SEX-EXPLICIT KIND OF REWARD? WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU? A WHORE OR SOMETHING?" She said angrily.

"Well... um... ye... I-I... I mean, no... NO... of course not! Eh, trust me... ha-ha..." He faked a cheesy smile.

Sinthia continues to stare at him angrily.

"Alright... alright... let's just go find the exit and get you outta here..." He said, as he rolled his eyes over.

As soon as he had said that, Henri began to walk down the hall with Sinthia following up behind him. The duo continues down the poorly lit hall as they childishly pushed at one another, punching and pinching at each other while screaming and laughing out loudly.

The two hadn't walked far from where they had started when Sinthia suddenly groaned as she stopped abruptly while clutching tightly at her tummy in pain.

"Hey! What the hell is your fucking problem now, bitch?" Henri asked.

"Henri... wait... I-I... I don't feel so good..." She said.

Henri, who had finally sensed the seriousness of the situation, immediately walks over to Sinthia. "Are you alright, Sinthia? I swear that I did not kick you there... really... I swear!" He said.

"No Henri... its not that..." Sinthia replied. "W-wait a minute... Henri, I-I... I think I'm gonna puke..." She reaches for her mouth to cover it with her hand.

"Shut up, bitch... I know I've not been showering this past few days but... honestly, I don't think I smell... at least not that bad, that is... wait... you _ARE _gonna _WHAT?_" Henri scowled.

"Henri... I-I... I said... I... I am gonna puke... _NOW!" _She shouted through her retch as she rests herself onto him for support.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew... get away from me, bitch... I don't want you to vomit all over me... um... (looks around)... go over to the restroom over there... go... Go... GO!" He screamed as he pointed in the direction of a nearby restroom. Sinthia quickly struggles past him, as she ran madly towards the restroom.

* * *

Three hours later...

Henri lazily stood by the wall opposite the restrooms, wondering what was keeping that fucking bitch so long in the restroom. He taps his foot impatiently at the cold cemented floor and whistles.

_"Meh... what the hell is that self-obsessed vomiting bitch doing in there? Its been like three hours already..." _He thought. "_Even with the vomiting out of her guts and all her internal organs wouldn't take that long..."_ He thought.

(Sounds of door opening)

The door to the men's restroom slowly creaked opens.

_"What the-?" _He mumbles. Henri slowly walked towards the entrance of the men's restroom for a closer look.

"Sinthia? Is that you? Hurry up and come out now, you fucking bitch... this is _SO _not funny... you hear me?" Henri suddenly stopped as he stood frozen over his words. _"WAIT! If Sinthia had gone into the ladies' restroom just now... then this can't be her..."_ He debated as he stared at the door with his bloody mouth wide open.

However, before Henri could even finish his conclusion, the door to the men's restroom suddenly swings ajar and something flew out.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the Teletubbies, the Movie: Scream, and Silent Hill.

**A/N:** This parody is specially dedicated to Lack Thereof as a token of appreciation for being such a diehard fan of my previous parody titled 'Psycho Hill 4: The R-o-o-o-o-m'...


	2. Chapter 2: Its Not a Dream

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version**

**Chapter 2: Its Not a Dream **

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeew..." Henri shouted.

A disgusting clump of maggot-filled smelly piece of brown excretion, still dripping wet, flew out through the door of the men's restroom as it landed with a splat right in front of him. Just then, a bloody bunch of Teletubbies giggled as they started to exit out from the men's restroom.

"That shit's mine... you dickhead..." The red creature moo-ed.

"Oh shut up, Po... go grab your shit somewhere else... this pile of shit is _MINE_!" Tinky Winky said.

"No... its mine... I personally dug it out from that filthy toilet..." Po argued.

"No... its mine, you jackass..." Tinky Winky screamed.

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MIINNNEEEE!" The two of them screamed.

"La-lalalala..." The yellow creature sang, as she stupidly toddles over to the smelly brown substance when she suddenly looses her balance and slams her face directly into the pile of manure on the floor.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!" The other Teletubbies moaned.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" Henri cringed and squirmed in disgust, as he stares at the sight before him. "Dammit... my head hurts..."

"Huh? What the-?" Dipsy hushed, as he signals for the others to look at the new stranger now standing behind them. "Hey, guys... there's someone else here... look..." The green creature said.

The Teletubbies all looked at Henri.

Laa-Laa pushes her oversized fat yellow head up from the pile of sticky crap. "La-lalalala..." She sang idiotically.

"Oooh... it's a human... and he is so handsome... tee-hee..." Tinky Winky drooled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEE..." Henri almost crapped in his pants. "T-tele... Teletubbies..."

Henri pulls at his hair, screaming uncontrollably, as he immediately ran into the ladies' restroom.

"Geez... what was that all about?" Po asks.

"I don't know..." Dipsy replied.

"La-lalalala..." Laa-Laa continues to sing and giggled like an idiot before she splats her face back into the horrendous pile of mess.

_"What a hunk..."_ Tinky Winky thought erotically.

* * *

Henri quickly slams the door behind him tightly as he escapes into the ladies' restroom. He quickly runs over to a nearby sink to empty his stomach as he pukes all over the entire porcelain bathroom fixture. 

When he was finished with his vomiting, Henri wipes the trail of gore off from his mouth before slowly leaning away from the sink.

"S-sinthia?" He called out. _"Where the bloody hell did she go?" _

Silence.

"Sinthia? Where the fuck are you?" He started to shout. "Dammit... you are _SO _gonna get it when I find you... _BITCH_!"

More silence.

Henri runs around the restroom madly as he searches up and down, high and low, everywhere for the irritating bitch. Henri peeps at the many empty toilet cubicles. He even went to the extent of looking under the toilet covers for her but the annoying bitch was nowhere to be found. Instead, all he managed to find was a sickeningly filthy-looking black hole, similar to the one back in his apartment, on the wall at the back of the restroom.

"Meh... another _HOLE_?" He wailed. "They must be using real cheap construction materials... damn those cheap town developers... hmmm... I wonder if that bitch is hiding in there?" He wondered.

"Damn you, Sinthia... you'd better not let me lay my hands on you... you self-obsessed vomiting sick-o!" He screamed, as he attempts to crawl into the dark and smelly tunnel.

Henri finds himself crawling along the familiar filth and gore. He tries his very best to squeeze his fatty-big-ass through the narrow tunnel as he huffs and puffs, while he vigorously struggles through the dark tunnel, when once again, he finds himself being blinded by the same beam of white light.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed, before he puked all over himself and fainted.

* * *

Moments later... 

"AAAAAAAAAAAH... Huh?" Henri finds himself waking up in his bed, back at his apartment. "What the fuck? All that was j-just... just a dream? B-but... (stares down at his pants) Dammit... wet my pants _AGAIN_!"

He swiftly changed into another clean set of pants and exited the bedroom.

Henri slowly walks through the narrow hall, wandering at the strange dream which he had had earlier, as he started to pace around the living room. It was then when he noticed that the cabinet next to his couch had been shifted in an awkward position.

"Huh? What the hell?" He almost screamed aloud.

Henri quickly walks over to the cabinet to adjust at its position when he sees a handgun resting on the carpet, next to the cabinet.

_"Eh? A friggin' gun! Oh meh, this is SO cool! Must be my lucky day... tee-hee..."_ Henri thought, smiling to himself like a complete moron as he bends over to pick it up when he finds some weird writings sprawled on the wall.

**_"SHHIIITTTT! That tiny little wish I had had is gradually becoming stale... I mean, I am now getting more desperate than just pure despair... damn, and they told me that wishing upon a shooting star was suppose to make all your wishes come true... liars... LIARS... LIIAAARRRRSSSSS! I've tried my very best to tunnel till this far until both my hands are bruised... but it seems that I've finally reached my own limitations already and it looks like I couldn't get any further no matter how hard I sweat it out digging with my toothbrush... maybe its my stupidity... but I highly doubt so, for I know that I can't be stupid, right? I mean, I know that 0ne plus 0ne always equals to three... no, wait... or is it two? Oh, whatever... Anyways, the hallway, the windows, the walls, the filthy toilet, the sink... its like this room is in another fucking dimension... Luckily that bimbo Elyne never noticed..." _**

"What a psycho..." Henri mused. "Ooooh... wishing upon a fucking little star, eh? Tsk... tsk... tsk... what is this? Walt Disney?" He snickered.

Henri now sees a tiny hole, which was partially hidden behind the cabinet earlier, and he quickly moves forward to check it out. He peeps through the tiny hole to find himself looking right into Elyne's bedroom.

Elyne was sitting by her bedside, with a sickeningly pink-ish Wobbie the Wabbit plush toy beside her, as she stares into the empty space with her mouth wide open like an idiot.

Henri begins to drool.

_"Come on Elyne... strip... STRIP... STTRRRIIIIPPPPP...!" _He prayed silently.

"Dammit... where the fuck is that miserable broom?" Elyne finally blurted out. "Hmmm... o-oh... I'm holding on to it, riiggghhhhttttt! Ha-ha... silly me... its in my hand all this time... ha-ha..." She said, as she giggled like a retard and farted, before walking out of her bedroom.

Henri sweatdrop.

Henri slowly moves his head away from the hole on the wall. _"Stupid bitch..." _He mumbled under his breath, shaking his head disapprovingly.

(Telephone ringing sound)

"Huh? What the hell?" He exclaimed. _"I though the telephone's been disconnected?" _

Henri quickly ran into his bedroom to pick up the call.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Godammit, Henri... Where the fuck did you disappeared to? Are you having fun somewhere else _WITHOUT _me?" Sinthia was simply hysterical. "Anyway, just hurry up and save me..."

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?" Henri said. "You were the one who-"

"Stop blabbering and get your fat ass moving... trunk calls are expensive nowadays, especially if you are calling from another dimension or space, or whatever you call it... anyway, if you need a token, there's one here..." She screamed.

The line went dead.

"What? Where? What token? WHHAAATTTT?" Henri screamed. "H-hello? Hello?"

* * *

Moments later... 

Henri wakes up with a severe headache. He groggily looks around the environment when he realized that he was back in the ladies' restroom once again.

"Meh! That sickening port-hole tunnel is really a pain in the ass... always making me nauseous..." He grumbled. "And my head hurts... bad!"

He slowly got to his feet and just as he was about to make his merry way out of the junk-hole restroom, walking past the rows of cubicles, when he accidentally notices a figure residing inside one of the cubicles and he screamed, "GAAHHH!"

Henri immediately covered his eyes with his hands and whined like a sissy as he cowardly peeps through the gaps between his fingers. It took him a while before the idiot came to realize that it was just a blow-up doll sitting on a toilet.

"Phew! Its just a doll..." He heaved a sigh of relief. "Well, at least its potty trained... tee-hee..." Henri snickered at his bad joke. "Hmmm... say, this doll looks familiar..." Upon close examination, he noticed the stupid doll look kinda like that vomiting bitch, Sinthia. In fact, the resemblance was so much alike that the doll could be her identical twin.

Henri then notices that there was something else in one of the doll's hands. He further examined the item closely to realize that it looked like some sort of a coin or something smeared with a thick layer of vomit.

He reluctantly lifted the item out from the slimy paste and cleans it by dipping it into the toilet water. He then brings it back up, close to his face, for further inspection.

" _Leench Street_Coin? Hmmm... this must be the fucking _TOKEN _that bitch had mentioned in her call..." He said to himself, as he stuffs the token into his shirt pocket before turning around and exited the restroom.

The moment he had managed to step out from the restroom, Henri finds himself back at confronting the sickening Teletubbies again. He screamed like a girl and ran down the remaining hall as fast as his legs could carry him while he was being chased by Tinky Winky. After dodging at the many corners, hiding underneath the debris and rubbles, and running round and round the pillars, Henri finally managed to successfully shake off his pursuer.

"Damn those stupid Teletubbies, especially that purple gay one..." He panted as he wipes away the beads of sweat on his forehead. Henri simply continues to walk around the place blindly when he soon arrives at the concourse of the station where the turnstiles are located.

"Eh? A way out? Now, how the fuck do I get through this? Hmmm... let's see... there's a slot beneath here that reads _'insert token here'..._" He wondered. "THAT'S IT! THE TOKEN!" He almost screamed aloud as he quickly digs out the filthy token from his shirt pocket and inserted it into the coin slot.

(Click)

Henri happily pushes himself through the turnstiles and hopped like a girly girl down the many flights of stairs leading to Leench Street Line.

"Tra-la-la-la..." He hummed. Suddenly, without prior notice, throbs of pain seemed to hit him in his head as though his skull was being struck by millions of thousands of hammers.

"Ouch... ouch... OUCH..." He cringes through his gritted teeth. Henri painfully looks around the place groggily when a familiar giggle reverberating in the surrounding almost made him crap his pants.

It was the laughing sounds of the Teletubbies.

Henri's worst fear finally came true when he looked up to find himself staring at the ugly and fat purple Teletubby wobbling towards him.

"Hellooooo handsome!" Tinky Winky standing in front of him jeered and winked at the poor soul.

Henri immediately puked all over himself before making a quick dash down the remaining flight of stairs to Leench Street Line, fleeing away from the horrendous creature. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Tsk... tsk... tsk... you can run... but you cannot hide... tee-hee..." Tinky Winky giggled, as it merrily hops down the stairs after him.

* * *

Later... 

Henri finds himself reaching at the boarding platform of the Leench Street Line when he finds Sinthia inside one of the cabin, furiously banging at her head on the doors.

"Get me outta here..." She stares at the floor with her sleepy eyes as she moans tonelessly.

"Oh good... Sinthia... if you see a purple Teletubby coming by, just tell him you did not see me... get it?" Henri said.

"Get me outta here... Get me outta here... " She continues to chant, oblivious of Henri's existence.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Um... Sinthia... What are you blabbering about? I can't hear you..." He said. "... and why are you banging your head on the doors?"

"Get me outta here..." She continues to beg.

"HELLOOOOO? Sinthia? SINTHIA! ITS ME, HENRI... LOOK OVER HERE, BITCH!" He shouted through the glass doors.

"Huh? What the-?" She suddenly came out of her trance and looked up. "H-henri... you are here, finally... NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TRAIN!"

"What did you just say? I can't hear you... you've gotta speak up..." He shouted through the glass doors.

"I SAID I'M TRAPPED INSIDE THIS TRAIN... NOW HELP ME GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, DAMMIT!" She screamed.

"I still can't here you, bitch..." He responded. "Anyway, to hell with you... I've gotta run because I've got a fucking Teletubby on my tail..."

"What the fuck? Henri, just get me out of this place... now!" Sinthia said.

"Still can't hear any of your bloody words, Sinthia..." He said, pointing to his ears. "Anyway... have fun..."

"HENRI..."

"Well, gotta go... BYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Wait... Henri... Get back here this instance... WAIT!" She yulped.

Henri furiously ran his way along the platform, towards the foremost far end of the train compartment, as he attempts to makes a quick dive into the opening of the driver's cabin to hide from the badass Teletubbies. But unfortunately, he trips and falls over a gap near the entrance.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed.

In the process of falling down, Henri accidentally activated the red pushbutton on the control panel, releasing all the door locks on the train.

(Whoosh!)

Henri quickly got back on his feet as he looks back out of the driver's compartment only to find himself being confronted by Sinthia.

"Gah!" He screamed. "Um... oh, its just you, Sinthia..."

"What the-? Dammit, Henri... why the hell did you leave me back there! Huh? HUH? Answer me, you jerk!" She shouted, with her saliva splattering all over his face.

"I didn't know what nonsense you were blabbering about because I can't hear you through those set of doors... besides, its not as if like I know that they've got sound-proof glass doors all over the entire train..." He retorted. "Moreover, I'm on the run... there's a fucking Teletubby chasing after me and..."

"The yellow one?" She asked.

"No... the _PURPLE _one..." Henri cried.

"T-the g-gay one? Eeeew..." She cringed. "That's horrible... yeah, I know how that feels... um... alright then, you are forgiven..."

"Uh... really?" He cheered. "Sweet!"

Suddenly, Henri groaned as he grabbed at his head and rolled on the floor.

"Alright, alright... I get it already... you don't have to _over-act_, Henri..." Sinthia chided, as she rolls her eyes over. "I get the point about the gibberish stuff of being chased after by a freakin' purple Teletubby..."

"N-no... I-I... sensed that t-there's a... a T-teletubby near us... I a-always have a headache... when... there's a Teletubby around me..." He cried.

"HOLY-CRAP!" She echoed, looking around. "W-where the fuck are these creatures now?"

"No time... hurry... let's just get the fuck away from here..." He said.

So the two of them gingerly made their way running aimless around the many maze-like train compartments, weaving and squirming through the many doors until they came across a funny little box, with the words **_"1000$" _**neatly carved on it, in one of the train compartments.

_"Oooh... there might be jewelries inside... tee-hee..." _Sinthia silently thought. She then breaks loose from Henri's grip to pick up the box when suddenly, Henri screamed.

"ARGH... MY HEAD... MY HEEAAADDDD!"

Sinthia dropped the box she was holding, obviously shocked by his horrible scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed. "Dammit, Henri... you almost scare the shit out of me... now what is it, asshole?"

"My head... it hurts... I t-think... the T-teletubby is here..."

"No shit!"

"Y-yeah... let's g-get the hell out of h-here, now... hurry..." He cried, pulling her away.

"Okay... b-but... wait... the box..."

"Forget the box... let's just go... that freak is coming... I can sense it..." Henri pleaded.

"Fine..." She fumed, as she follows after him reluctantly.

* * *

Later... 

"Oooh... lookie here... handgun bullets..." Henri remarked as he swiftly picks up the ammunition round off from some flights of stairs.

"I'm _SO _excited, alright..." She said sarcastically. "Now, can we make a move now?"

"Okay..."

The duo quickly ran down the stairs.

"Hmmm... I wonder where the fuck did that Teletubby go?" Sinthia asked curiously. "Anyway, I'm glad that its gone and..."

"No... that fat fuck is here..." He said.

"Yeah right, Henri... I'm like, oooh... _SO_ scared... Will you save me, my hero?" She chimed like a typical drama queen with her hands reaching up openly.

"Stop fucking around, Sinthia... seriously... my head hurts... and..."

"H-E-L-L-O... SISSYBOY..." Tinky Winky giggled and winked sexily at Henri, as it tries to squeeze itself out from the wall next to them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The two of them screamed.

They immediately ran like a couple of lunatics, scrambling down the remaining steps and headed towards the other end of the platform.

"Look, Sinthia... a door..." Henri shouted, pointing to a door at the end of the platform.

"Let's go..." She replied.

The two of them quickly made a devastating run towards the door. Upon reaching it, Henri quickly opens it and slammed it tightly behind him.

"Phew... that was close..." Henri sighed. "Sinthia... Sinthia? Where the fuck is that bitch?"

He looked around the room, but Sinthia was nowhere in sight.

(Bang... bang... bang...)

"Let me in... you sick bastard..." Sinthia cried.

"Meh, she's gone missing again... I wonder where she'd disappeared to?" Henri scratched at his head.

"Henri... let me in..." She continues to scream, as she bangs at the door.

"Oh my god! I think she's probably dead... (sob) I can still hear her silent wails... calling at my name..." He told himself. "Goodbye, Sinthia... I'll miss you too..."

"Damn you, Henri... Fine, have it your way... I'll go look for another exit myself... " She shouted angrily.

* * *

Moments later... 

Henri was walking along the boarding platform of Queenz Street Line when suddenly a sickening hoarse voice blasted through station speakers.

"Testing... testing... one... two... three..." The voice said.

_"What the hell?"_ Henri wondered.

"(Ahem) Henri you there?" The voice said again.

"Huh? Who's that?" He asked, looking around the eerie platform.

"Henri, its me... Sinthia..."

"Oh my god! Sinthia... I'm sorry for your death... b-but it wasn't my fault... really... i-it's the Teletubby... yeah, so please don't haunt me... please... PLEASE!" He cried.

"Look Henri... I've found the exit... meet me at the turnstiles now... and I mean NOW! So get your flabby butt moving... jackass!" She shouted.

"What-? Sinthia's found the exit? She's found the exit? That means... WOO-HOO... she's not fucking dead..." He screamed for joy. "YAYYYYYYYYYYYY..."

"Alright Henri... one last time, now get to the turnstiles!" She commanded. "Seriously Henri, you guys are always... oh no... its him... it really is him... that guy..."

"Huh? What guy?"

"Its him... its him alright... its..."

"Alright bitch... I get the whole picture about a guy there, stupid drama queen... helloooo... what about him? WHAT ABOUT HIM? DAMMIT!"

"Its him... he's coming... he's-"

The transmission was abruptly cut off.

"Great... now I've got to walk all the way back to the turnstiles..." He grumbled. _"Sheesh... nice work, Sinthia..." _

And so Henri started to walk forwards, heading towards a set of moving escalators when suddenly, a cute little puppy with fangs ambushed him.

(Barking sounds)

"GAH!" He shrieked. He then runs quickly to a nearby empty train carriage when he chanced upon more of these cute little puppies lurking around the place.

(More barkings)

"Shit!" He curses.

Henri immediately uses the pipe in his hand to hit at those poor animals, before squashing their heads and splattering their insides out with his foot.

After his murderous act, Henri looks around the compartment for something to wipe away the gore off of his shoes when he spots a golf club resting on a seat next to him. Henri quickly picks up the item and stuffs it into his pocket.

"Cool..." He said. "This pocket of mine is amazingly spectacular... I can put anything... and everything in it and it just never fills... tee-hee..."

He then quickly made his way to the escalators and ascended it.

During his way up the slow-moving and very, very long escalator, Henri's head suddenly felt heavy. The familiar nerve-wrecking pain once again flooded his mind. He quickly looks around the area for any signs of the freaky purple Teletubby.

"What the-?" He wondered.

At that very moment, the familiar scent of smelly sweat and sickening giggles suddenly fills the place and a purple blob immediately appeared from the wall next to him.

It was Tinky Winky.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Henri screamed.

(Horrible giggles)

Tinky Winky was struggling through the decayed wall with its hands stretching out for him. Henri was struggling to barely keep himself from fainting. Using every strength left of inside his body, Henri forces himself to bring up his trusty pipe and starts to hit at the gay creature.

"Oooh... that tickles... ha-ha... and..." Tinky Winky moaned. "Ouch... did you just poke my eyes with that fucking stick?"

"Yes... you fartface..." Henri replied, as he winced at the terrible headache.

"Why you-?" Tinky Winky shouted.

But before Tinky Winky could even finish its sentence, Henri uses the pipe and stabbed it into the purple creature's eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tinky Winky screamed in pain, as the purple creature curls into a ball and it quickly submerged back into the wall.

* * *

Later... 

Henri finally arrived back at the stupid turnstiles which he had started off earlier. He curses and swears, at Sinthia, for making him going round in circles.

"Huh? What the hell?" He said, as he stopped at the top of the stairs leading to the turnstiles when he sees a bunch of cosmetic accessories scattered all over the floor with the familiar stains of thick, slimy vomits on the floor.

"Sheesh... doesn't that bitch know that it is wrong to litter?" Henri said. He then bends over to pick up all the items that were littered on the floor. The purple lipstick. The purple mascara. The purple nail polish. The purple lip gloss. The purple blush. Henri could not help but wonder why these cosmetic items were so damn familiar. But no matter how hard he struggled, nothing seems to come to his mind.

"Oh whatever..." He told himself as he dumps everything into the dustbin. "Oh yeah... now where the fuck is that bitch, anyway? Dammit... I hate it when people make me wait..."

He begins to pace around the area when he accidentally slipped on the vomits and falls down.

"OUCH!" He cried.

Henri got back up on his feet and rubs at his aching butt, as he follows the trail of slimy vomits to a nearby door.

_"Eh? The trail ends beyond this door here..."_ He thought. _"Hmmm..._ _could she be..." _

Just as he was about to reach for the door in front of him, he somehow noticed a placard, with the picture of a very voluptuous lady in bikinis, stuck on the surface of the door. Henri quickly takes the placard off from the door to find the words **"Boob-alicious"** written on the other side of the card.

"What the hell?"

Henri simply disregards the placard and slid it into his shirt pocket before he enters through the door.

Henri regretted the very moment he had stepped into the room. The place looked like a station control ticketing office or something but the sight before him somehow painted another picture. Right before him was a station control ticketing office of some sort that was being distastefully covered with the sickening touch of vomits. The grim wall. The smelly floor. Even the ceiling was covered with loads of vomits and unwanted stuffs.

And in the far end of the room was Sinthia, sprawled on the floor in a super turn-off position, in her pool of vomits.

"What the hell happened?" He shouted. "S-sinthia? Sinthia? Are you still alive?"

"W-who's... there?" She moaned.

"Its me... Henri..."

"W-who?" She murmured.

Henri sweatdrop.

"I-I... I... I'm sorry... I-I... can't seem t-to see and hear y-you that w-well because of all t-this vomits in my f-fucking e-eyes and ears..." She stammered.

"Dammit... its me, H-E-N-R-I-E!" He shouted.

"Did you j-just said Henri? Damn t-that bastard... I asked h-him to come over here to t-the turnstiles b-but... _NOOOOOOOOOOO..._ he h-has to take h-his own sweet time..." Sinthia grumbled. "I'm g-gonna kill you, Henri..."

"Um... who are we talking about here? Ha-ha..." He faked a laugh.

"H-henri... that b-bastard..."

"Oh, Henri! Right... Well, I'm _ACTUALLY _a friend of his... ha-ha (gulp)... um... m-my name is... um... Pete..." He said with a pang of guilt. "Anyway, I'll try to let him know how you felt about him when I see him... ha-ha..."

"T-thank you... Pete..." Sinthia said gratefully.

"Um... ha-ha... (looks around nervously) You are welcome... Sinthia..." Henri said.

"So, Pete... of everything here... e-everything here is... i-is just a d-dream... right?" She whispered.

_"Oh great... after all these and you still think that its just some fucking dream? Looks more like a nightmare to me..."_ He thought silently in his brain. "Well... yeah, I guess so." He lied to her.

"ARGH... OUCH... OUCH... OUCHHHHH!" Sinthia cried.

"What? What is it, bitc... um... I-I... I mean, what is it, Sinthia?" He asked.

"I'm suffering from e-excrutiating pain in my r-ribcage... I-I... I guess I've got 20 over b-broken ribs, and m-my pelvis hurts... I've a-also dislocated my s-shoulders, punctured my lungs, muscle tears, s-some fractured leg b-bones... and I also think that o-one of my breast implants had burst..." She replied. "So tell me, Pete... am I d-dying?"

"No..." He snickered, rolling his eyes over. "So tell me more about the guy you were talking about..."

"What-?"

"The guy... you mentioned something about a guy coming..." He continued.

A look of confusion plastered on her vomit-stained face.

"The station broadcast? The one that you called out to me... um... I meant, to Henri... asking him to come over to the turnstiles... remember?" He asked.

"Oh... _THAT _guy... he... he..." Her voice trailed off as she collapsed dead in his arms with tons of vomits oozing out of her mouth.

"Um... Sinthia? Sinthia? Hello? You haven't answered my question... _WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY_?" He asked.

The numbers **16121 **were written on her other breast.

(corny music playing in the background as the scene slowly fades to nothing)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I CAN'T SEE... I CAN'T BLOODY SEE... I'M BLIND! BLLIIINNNNDDDDD!" Henri screamed at the top of his voice until he fainted from exhaustion.

* * *

Henri, once again jerked awake from his sleep with the usual warm and wet sensation in his pants. The strong putrid pungent of stale urine lingers heavily in the air. 

"S-sinthia..." He murmured.

(Sounds of Ambulance sirens outside)

"What the hell?"

Henri got out of his bed and casually walks over to the window to see a bunch of police vehicles and an ambulance parked next to the subway station entrance with lotsa busybody bystanders. A stretcher, covered with a piece of white cloth was being pushed out from the station entrance. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind ushers in as it uncovers part of the white cloth, exposing the dead body underneath the stretcher.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The bystanders screamed hysterically. An elderly immediately fainted on the spot.

"Fucking hell... its Sinthia..." Henri gasped. _"Dammit... its not just a dream afterall... Damn that bitch... for a while I was almost conned into believing her theory about some stupid dream..." _

He quickly put on a change of pants before making his way out of his bedroom when suddenly, the radio burst into life.

"... hurry up and get that ambulance already... shut up and move her body, dammit... woo-hoo... lookie that... she got those damn numbers written on her breast... meh, I've really got to get those cool number tattoos one of these days..." Broadcaster number 1 said.

"Sweet..." Broadcaster number 2 said. "So where are you gonna tattoo the numbers?"

"Definitely on my dick!" Broadcaster number 1 replied.

"Hahahahahahahahaha..." The two broadcasters laughed maniacally.

(Static sounds)

_"What the hell?"_ Henri thought, as he glared at the radio with his mouth wide open.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the Teletubbies, Walt Disney, and Silent Hill. 

**A/N:**

**Kathey: **I'm glad that you liked the first chapter... well, here you go, the second chapter is finally up...

**Saddened Soul: **Thanks for the review... I'm not sure if this will ever surpass my previous parody, but hell... I'm grateful for your wonderful comment... (dances around happily)

**InfectedWaste: **Thank you... really glad that you liked it so much...

**Sydon: **You are just being humble... anyway, I've read your parody "Silent Hill 3 'Ze Parody'" and its great... anyway, appreciate your kind review...

**Dharknia: **I didn't know I had this problem... I guess its just my writing style... anyway, I'll try to improve on the way I write in future... ha-ha... thank you so much for your review...


	3. Chapter 3: Dumb and Dumber

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version**

**Chapter 3: Dumb and Dumber **

(Ding Dong!)

It was the door bell.

Henri quickly makes his way towards the forsaken locked door.

(Ding Dong! Ding Dong!)

He looks through the peep hole to see a pizza delivery man outside.

"Hello... Pizza delivery!" The delivery man called out.

"P-I-Z-Z-A!" Henri moaned erotically, as he drooled uncontrollably.

(Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Ding Dong!)

"Hello? Anybody?" The delivery man was somehow getting a little impatient. "I've got a pizza delivery here... AND ITS NOT PAID FOR MISTER... SO COME OUT WITH YOUR SPARE CASH NOW… YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Henri furiously bangs at his door. "I'm in... I'M IN HERE, DAMMIT! Gimme that fucking pizza... NOW! I'm soooo hungry and I want that... wait a second... t-the pizza's not paid for?" He finally realized the catch here. Henri quickly blurted out, "Um... nobody's home... now just go away and..." He stopped abruptly. "SHIT! I forget that he can't hear me..."

The delivery man places his ear on the friggin' door to listen. "Hmm... for a moment there, I could've sworn I've heard some farting sounds..."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Henri screamed in dismay.

"Dammit!" The delivery man curses as he shakes at his head. "I'll remember this, you sick pervert from room... uh..." He paused to stare at the delivery order. "... room 202 of North AssFeeld Heights... WHAT! Wait... this apartment here is…" The pizza delivery man looks up at the number on the door. "… room 302. Oh meh, I'm at the wrong apartment AGAIN, damn... and it's the hundred and twenty-fifth time this week that I've made such mistakes already..." The delivery man grumbled as he walks away from the outside of the apartment.

"Wait... WAAIIITTTT!" Henri screamed.

Henri suddenly stopped his wailings when he saw a piece of red paper appearing under his front door.

"Eh? What the-? This wasn't here before?" He said in bewilderment. Henri quickly picked up the piece of paper to read at its contents.

**_"Although that so-called stupid wonderland Cooties Club had finally been disbanded, I'm still quite certain that the source of its spirit is still very much fucking alive... there are just too much of a coincidence that many sickening and weird things are happening in that town. I'm checking out on two hundred thousand people... Or maybe I should say one... no wait... was it a hundred? Meh! I really should work on my mathematic calculations some day... _**

**_Anyway, I'm just about to unravel the most fuck-iest thing going on around here... Tee-hee... _**

**_April 32nd" _**

"What a load of crap... nothing about this note makes sense... in fact, nothing about everything here makes any fucking sense..." Henri looks around his apartment and spat in disgust as he chucks away the piece of note.

Henri slowly walks back towards the living room when he noticed some strange carvings on the Storage Box next to the television.

**_"This box could store lots and lots of stuff... and I mean A LOT!" _**

"Like duh! This is a Storage Box, for goodness sake... _IT IS SUPPOSE TO STORE A LOT OF THINGS! _This is so stupid... I wonder who wrote this anyway?" He exclaimed.

Nonetheless, he decided to test out on the capacity by emptying out his pockets of all the items he had taken while he was in the Subway. After disposing off of all the unwanted stuff, Henri realized that the box was still very empty. "Oooh… Aaaah! Look-it this... this stupid-looking storage box _REALLY _can store lots and lotsa things..."

But somehow, after empting all the stuff into the storage box, Henri suddenly felt naked. He did not know why, but something inside him told him that he should at least keep a weapon or two by his side for self-defense. Henri finally decided to retain the broken pipe and the handgun, as he quickly reaches into the box to dig out the items from the box and stuff it inside his pocket.

Henri suddenly begins to feel a weird tinkling sensation of a very strong force urging him to visit the bathroom. He did not know why, but somehow, he feels that it was as if something was trying to summon him back into the bathroom. Henri hesitated for a while before he had finally succumbed to that thought as he reluctantly walks over to the bathroom.

"GAH!" He shouted.

Much to his astonishment, Henri saw that the hole on the wall in the bathroom had somehow become bigger. "What the hell?"

"Shit! Now the Super's gonna skin me alive..." He sighed, as he slaps his hand on his forehead and shakes at his head disapprovingly.

Instead of sitting around and crying over some stupid damage on the wall, Henri decided to go through the stupid hole, once again, as he wonders where this bloody hole will lead him to this time round.

* * *

Moments after squeezing through the disgusting tunnel, screaming out like a cry-baby, and blinded unconscious by the same white light... 

Henri finds himself waking up to the annoying sounds of the tireless crickets and irritating buzzing mosquitoes. He soon realizes that he was in the outdoor. He was in a forest. Henri slowly got to his feet and rubs at his aching ass as he begins to move forward.

"What the-?" He exclaimed. Henri was shocked to find many of the trees and boulders around the place being badly vandalized with strange purple writings and childish drawings of the Teletubbies. "Who is the mother-fucker who did all this, anyway?"

He decided to disregard the stupid stuffs on the trees and boulders and he continues to walk around the densely forested path while swatting at the many hungry, blood-sucking mosquitoes.

Henri soon finds himself walking into an industrial building of some sort and enters into the premise. As he was walking down the ramps, he was suddenly being surrounded by a couple of fairies.

"What the fuck?" Henri retorted.

"Hi there, handsome..." Fairy Number One said.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch... he's mine..." Fairy Number Two screamed.

"Buzz off... he's mine..." Fairy Number One shouted back.

"Woah, ladies... ladies... now zip your bloody mouths up and listen…" Henri mediated. "Now, are the two of you the legendary _Fairy God Mothers_?"

"What? Ha-ha..." The two fairies looked at each other and laughed maniacally. "No, silly... we are the Fairy _DOG _Motherfuckers..."

Henri sweatdrop.

"Okay..." Henri answered, as he stared at the fairy suspiciously. "So, wha-cha doing here? To turn me into a pumpkin or something? Ha-ha..." He snickered at his own joke.

The two fairies sweatdrop.

"Oh sister... should we work together? I mean, master would be really glad if he sees us bringing him this stupid mortal for his savour..." Fairy _DOG _Motherfucker Number Two said.

"Oooh... goody golly... yes, my sister... I'm like totally agreeing with you..." Fairy _DOG _Motherfucker Number One replied.

The two of them laughed again.

"Hello? I'm still here..." Henri said. "What the bloody hell are the two of you talking about? Who the fuck is your so-called master, anyway?"

The two fairies stopped their laughing and glanced back at him in shock. "What? You don't know? Our master is the supreme of all living orgasms... um... no wait... I-I mean organisms in this entire universe... and he is force behind our will, our hope, our love, and our desire... he is the savior of the wonderland... and most importantly, he is our pay master!" Fairy _DOG _Motherfucker Number One giggled.

"Are you speaking Latin, bitch? Because, I don't understand a single word you've just said..." Henri said. "Anyway, who is this master of yours?"

"He is none other than... The Holy Purple Teletubby!" Fairy _DOG _Motherfucker Number Two shrieked.

"No shit!" Henri gasped.

He wanted to puke and just die on the spot. He could no longer tolerate such insolence anymore. He swiftly digs out the broken pipe to whack the hell out of the two silly fairies.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The fairies screamed.

"DIE, YOU SICK FLYING BITCHES... DIE... D-I-E... DIIEEEEEE! Muwahahahahaha..." Henri thrusts the pipe at their frail bodies and hitting them to the ground before he walks over and squashing them into pulps, killing them instantly.

Henri then happily trudged down the remaining ramps and picked up some more handgun bullets on top of some smelly barrels before he made his way out of the forsaken building through the set of gates.

Henri finds himself back on the outside of the forest once again, where he managed to see a car from a distance and he quickly runs over.

"The car is still running... WOO-HOO!" He screamed in excitement. Henri quickly opens the door to the driver seat and enters it, as he closes the door behind him. "Now... let's see... um... oooh, the accelerator… right!"

Henri clanked the gear and stepped on the pedal. However, in his anxiety, he made a mistake by turning it to the reverse gear instead. As soon as he had stepped on the accelerator pedal, the car immediately moved backwards and the car slams into a tree.

"Oops... ha-ha... I did it again!" He giggled like a retard.

* * *

**_Flashback... _**

_Four years ago... _

_Henri was learning how to drive. The instructor sitting beside him asked him to change the gear and move the vehicle. Henri glee like a moron as he swiftly turned the gear to reverse and slammed it hard on the accelerator pedal. _

_(CRASH!) _

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The driving instructor screamed madly. _

_The car had crashed into a truck parked behind them. Henri giggled happily as he put the gear back on and once again, jammed at the pedal. The car quickly moves forward, crashing head-on with another sedan car parked some distance away in front of them. _

_(CRASH!) _

_"HEELLLPPPPPP!" The instructor wailed. _

_"Um... oops…" Henri muttered. _

_"Let me out... please... LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR!" The instructor pleaded. _

_"B-but... but..." Henri stammered. _

_"NO BUTS! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE, PERIOD!" The instructor screamed angrily as he tried to unbuckle his seatbelt. __"Henri, unlock the car door this instance..." _

_"Okay..." He replied, somewhat looking a little hurt. __Henri fidgeted at the various gadgets in the car. _

_(Windscreen wiper moved.) _

_"Henri, hurry up and unlock this door!" The instructor screamed. _

_"Alright... alright already! Hmm... its probably this button." Henri said. _

_(The hazard lights went on.) _

_"Oops... ha-ha... um... let's try again..." Henri laughed. _

_The driving instructor sweatdrop. _

_"JUST THE ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR, NOW!" He screamed loudly. _

_"Okay... okay... now, let's see... eh? What's this?" Henri asked himself. _

_"NOOOOO! NOT THE HANDBRAKE!" The instructor cried. _

_(Crash!) _

_"Ouch... pain... pain... um... sir? Are you alright? Sir?" Henri asked, as he rubs at his aching head. The car had crashed into the drain. __Henri looked over to the seat next to him only to find himself staring at the unconscious instructor slouched on the seat with foams still constantly oozing out from his mouth and urine seeping through the pants. _

_"Oops!" Henri forces a cheesy smile. _

**_End of Flashback... _**

* * *

Henri opens the door, and in the midst of getting out of the badly damaged vehicle, he managed to find a memo pad, with the words **_"Jester Gain's Memo Pad" _**on the seat right next to the driver. Henri picks it up to read. 

**_"I really don't know what that asshole meant when he said, "His home is the shithole in the centre. The position of the lake is definitely located northsouth, so the opposite of the lake must be... well, um... OPPOSITE... I guess..." _**

**_Oh yeah, that sick ass fucker also mentioned some gibberish nonsense that I truly don't get it. He said, "If you bring along the fucked-up key, you can't go back, not unless you are also totally fucked-up in your brain. Duh! So put it away... put it somewhere moist, dark and smelly before you return there."" _**

"What crap!" Henri complained, as he involuntarily stuffs the memo pad into his pocket. Henri decided to move on deeper into the forest. He walks down the vegetated path and through another set of double gates to find himself in a clearing with boulders and many, many white candles all brightly lit up.

"Saving on electricity bill, eh?" Henri thought .

Suddenly, he hears some weird noise in front of him, and he slowly move forward to investigate. Henri secretly peeps through from behind a row of brightly lit candles to find himself staring at a man with a stupid-looking haircut sitting on a boulder next to a burning torch mumbling to himself.

_"Hmm... so, its just some weirdo talking to his so-called imaginary friends... tsk... tsk... tsk!" _He thought.

"S-so, you a-are here t-to c-check out o-on t-these p-purple w-writings t-too, huh?" The man stammered.

"Wha-? W-what the f-fuck a-are you t-talking about, y-you f-freak?" Henri mimicked the way the man stammers, in a sarcastic way.

"H-hey... a-are you t-trying to m-make f-fun of m-me? T-this is s-so not f-funny a-and… and its m-mean man..." The man stammered, looking sad with tears swelling in his eyes.

Henri felt guilty for what he had done. "I'm sorry, dude. I didn't know and..."

The weird man was quick to put his hand on Henri's mouth to hush him. "W-well, n-nevermind... y-you are f-forgiven… a-anyway, y-you are n-not the first p-person to insult m-me a-already... t-there was a-another p-person... a bothersome s-sick ass pervert g-guy here a-as well... a v-very, very, v-very punkass p-person..." The man said. "H-he said t-that I'm a s-stuttering fucker w-who likes to s-shit without washing m-my hands..."

Henri's eyes suddenly grew big. He immediately pushes the man's hand away from his mouth and spat in disgust. "WHAT! Y-YOU DON'T WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU SHIT!" Henri screamed.

"Well... t-technically s-speaking, y-yes... y-you see, I'm a-allergic t-to w-water and..." He stammered.

"FUCK YOU! HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME WITH YOUR FILTHY HANDS... YUCKS!" Henri scolded him. "I'M FEELING SICK…" He groaned.

"I-I'm s-sorry..."

"Shut the fuck up and buzz off, you psycho freak..." Henri said.

"W-why, t-that's what t-that p-pesky asshole t-told me b-before too... and h-he also c-claimed that h-he had d-discovered these p-purple writings and t-the first t-two T-teletubbies action f-figures h-here... b-but I w-was the o-one who f-found these purple w-writings and the t-two l-limited e-edition T-teletubbies t-toys f-first... t-this is so u-unfair... I f-found t-them first but n-now h-he is c-claiming credit f-for all of i-it..." The man finally finishes his sentence.

_"Well, finally... I thought it'd never end…" _He thought, as he rolled his eyes over. He was starting to get irritated at the non-stop blabbering mouth of this stupid person in front of him. "Anyway, I'm Henri... So, who the hell are you?" Henri asked.

"M-my name i-is G-gain... J-jester Gain..." Jester replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

"You are Jester? The owner of the car parked over at the plot of grass patch behind there?" Henri asked again.

"Y-yes... h-how'd you k-know?"

_"SHIT! He mustn't know that I'm the one who've crashed his car..." _Henri thought. He immediately faked a really fake smile, as he nervously pulls at around his shirt collar. "Well... ha-ha... I-I... um... I just guessed... I mean, you look like the kind of person who's got a car and... and...um... there ain't no parking lot around here except the plot of grassland so I assume you've got a car parked back there..."

"I-I see..." Jester said. "I s-sure hope the c-car's n-not damaged o-or s-something..."

"Um... yeah, I hope so too... ha-ha..." Henri grinned, as he gulped nervously. "I-I... I... uh... guess I'd better make a move then... its been nice knowing you..."

"D-did you know t-that i-in t-the ancient t-times, t-the more c-conservative n-native townsfolks c-called it t-the T-tele-tub-of-lards..." Jester muttered.

"Whatever... I'm going of now... Bye!" Henri bade his farewell.

"... a-and t-they were b-being s-summoned in a c-ceremony f-for a c-chit chat s-session with t-their z-zombie ancestors..." He continued.

"I SAID I'M NOT INTERESTED..." Henri shouted. "YOU SELF-OBSESSED TALKING FREAKO!"

"... s-so the T-tele-tub-of-lards b-began t-to..." Jester continues to with his self-gibberish conversation.

"Fine! You just carry on talking with your stupid self... I'm going off..." Henri said angrily.

Henri leaves Jester behind as he exits from the place through the gates on the other side. Once again, he finds the same cutesy-looking puppies loitering hungrily around the premise. Henri immediately arms himself with his trust o' pipe and swings at the poor puppies until their insides were all spilled out and their brains had all turned into a pile of mushy pulps on the ground before continuing his journey down the forest path.

* * *

Moments later... 

Henri finds himself arriving at a graveyard of some sort. He begins to start walking around the deserted and somehow spooky-looking place, when he suddenly sees a little boy standing some distance in front of him, digging at his nostrils.

"Hey ya, little boy..." Henri cooed. The boy somewhat ignores him and continues digging at his nostrils.

"Hey, punkass... I'm talking to you and..." Henri shouted at the boy. The little boy just looks at him in an innocent way, before he feeds the contents he had dug out from his nose and stuff them into his own mouth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What the fuck do you think you are eating? Eewww... That's utterly gross..." Henri screamed pathetically. "... don't you even know anything about personal hygiene?"

The little boy just giggled idiotically as he tries to offer some of the _"goodies"_ to him, courtesy of the little boy's nostrils.

"Um... thank you, but no thanks..." Henri replied, with a look of disgust on his face.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Jester appeared behind them and he started screaming like a lunatic as he flings both his arms madly in the air. "I-its h-here... i-its finally h-here... i-its here... I-IT'S H-HEREEEEEE!"

The kid looks at Jester with a look of fright on his face.

"Shut the fuck up, you sick jerk... you are scaring the child here… anyways, what is coming?" Henri asked annoyingly.

"Don't y-you know? I-its coming... t-the t-third l-limited edition of t-the T-teletubbies p-plush action f-figures a-are finally h-here... T-THEY A-ARE H-HERE!" Jester stammered excitedly.

Henri sweatdrop.

The little boy suddenly runs towards the door behind Henri and exited from the place.

"Oh great... now you've done it... you sick fuck... you've scare the kid away, you dimwit!" Henri scolded.

However, Jester was not even listening to him. He was happily drooling and gurgling away as he slowly walks towards another door and exited from the forsaken graveyard. "T-the T-teletubbies... T-teletubbies... T-teletubbies..." He chanted.

Henri stands there looking like a complete idiot as he once again finds himself standing alone in the graveyard. "What the hell?" As he started to turn around, he somehow notices an overturn grave right next to where he was standing, with a coffin exposed. Henri slowly inched himself forward to look at it when he sees the numbers **_"11121" _**carved on the coffin. "Eh? What the-? Hmm... I wonder what this means? Maybe its written by that strange little shit-ass man that Jester mentioned…"

After staring at the coffin for like an hour or so, Henri simply gave a shrug and moves away from it and exited the graveyard. Henri soon finds himself walking towards a shabby house in the middle of nowhere. _"Maybe there's someone in there who can help me…"_ He thought.

Henri gladly took the steps at the front porch as he walks up to the main entrance of the house. He then stands by the closed door on the porch, as he looks at the badly-stained billboard signage hanging on the door that reads **_"The House of Dorks"_**. Henri then reaches out to the knob on the door to try to open it. Unfortunately, the door was locked. "Dammit... this fucking door is locked." He grumbled. "Hello? Anybody? HELLO! Dammit! I'm not a salesman… now open this door…"

"T-the door w-won't o-open…" A voice from behind him called out.

"AAAAAAAAAAH! WHO'S THERE!" Henri screamed in fright. "Oh, its you, Jester… DAMMIT, YOU JUST SCARE THE BLOODY SHIT OUTTA ME… WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO JUST NOW? AND HOW'D YOU GET HERE SO FAST?"

"I-I… I… wait… w-what was that y-you asked m-me again?" He asked.

"Arrggghhhh, you moron… forget what I've just asked. Now, look here… why did you say that the door won't open? Do you know something that I don't? Huh? Huh? HUH!"

"Y-yeah… y-you see, t-the s-sickass p-pesky g-guy h-had given m-me s-something r-really w-wonderful… and I-I can't l-let you h-have it… n-not at l-least t-there's some r-reward h-here… n-nothing is f-free in t-this w-world, y-you know?" Jester said.

Henri studies at Jester's face, for any tell-tale signs of what that stammer-freak really wants. Suddenly, a look of horror plastered across his face.

"Eeeeeeeew! I hope you are not thinking about… sex!" He freaked.

"N-no… I'm j-just t-thirsty…" Jester said.

"I still don't get you…" Henri replied. "Some hints, maybe?"

"I-I SAID, I-I'M THIRSTY… R-REALLY T-THIRSTY…" Jester reminded Henri.

"Hmm… still don't get it…" Jester sweatdrop.

"I-I S-SAID I-M R-REALLY T-THIRSTY… R-REAL THIRSTY FOR SOME C-CHOCOLATE MILK… C-CHOCOLATE M-MILK, D-DAMMIT!"

"No wait… don't tell me… let's see… you are thirsty… okay… now what is it that you really want? Hmmm… thirsty… you are thirsty… I assume that you must be really thirsty with all that moaning and craving for something so badly to quench your fucking thirst… but what? WHAT?"

"I S-SAID I W-WANT SOME C-CHOCOLATE M-MILK! C-CHOCOLATE MILK! M-MILK!" Jester screamed.

"Oh, I get it… you want _some chocolate milk_… is that it? See, I'm clever enough to be able to guess it all by myself… ain't I smart or something, Jester?" Henri told him smirkly, obviously proud of his so-call _deduction ability_. "Why didn't you just say so earlier?" Henri retorted.

Jester sweatdrop.

"Okay… I think I've got some milk back in my apartment…" Henri said.

Jester just stands there moaning erotically as he drooled all over. Henri quickly dashes down the stairs and runs towards a nearby hole on the wall as he squeezes himself through, back to his own apartment.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I DO NOT own the Teletubbies, and Silent Hill and its series. Any similarities in the names of the characters and any living souls are purely coincidental and unintentional… please don't shoot me! 

**A/N: **I'm really tied up with my school works and all right now… so I'll probably stop at this chapter for a while before I continue on my future updates later… please do bear with me for a while here… thank you for all your utmost support… stay tune on the next chapter updates...

**Saddened Soul: **I'm really glad that you have complete faith in my works… I've also seen your updates on your SH:TOWCP… its amazingly good…

**Sydon: **Thanks for your review… hope that Sinthia's vomiting escapades won't turn you off… ha-ha…

**Ramuk: **Really glad that you liked it… I also do hope that you liked this latest chapter update as well too… thank you.

**Ghost in the Mirror: **Thank you so much… you should really play Silent Hill 4: The Room… its really a very good game… Hope you will like it…


	4. Chapter 4: Hot Stuff

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version**

**Chapter 4: Hot Stuff**

Henri, once again, woke up in his bed. He glanced down at his wet pants. "Darn… peed in my pants _AGAIN_!" He groaned. "Strange… why do I keep on wetting my bed? I mean, I haven't even like drank anything for the past five days..." He said, wondering at the strange phenomenon. However, because of his limited intelligence, Henri failed to see the significance behind all of this. Of the many strange things that had happened. Of Sinthia, and the mysterious strange man. And of course, of his constant bed-wetting experience.

He casually brushed off his weird thoughts about the peeing-in-the-pants thing and heads for his wardrobe. Henri swiftly opened the door to his wardrobe and searched through the many clean, and neatly ironed trousers hanging inside. "Hmm... let's see... what to wear... what to wear..." He muttered to himself, as he tapped repeatedly at his chins with his fingers. "Um... let's see here… hmm… there's the blue jeans... and then there's the blue jeans... and another pair of blue jeans over there…" He busily uses his hands to browse through the 287 pairs of _IDENTICAL_ blue jeans in his wardrobe, pondering at which pair of jeans to pick out.

Finally...

"A-H-A!" He finally exclaimed. "I'll just take this pair of blue jeans… tee-hee…"

And so, after he had finish putting on a fresh pair of jeans, Henri immediately made his way to the fridge to get the bottle of expired chocolate milk for Jester, when his doorbell rang.

(Ding Dong!)

Henri looked up from the fridge with his hand still holding on to the expired chocolate milk. "Huh? The doorbell? What's with the doorbell?" He asked silently.

(Ding Dong!)

"Ooh... must be that pizza guy again... tee-hee..." He grinned sheepishly, as he stashed the bottle of milk inside his trousers and rushed over to the door. However, to his greatest disappointment, he saw Eylne and an ugly-looking middle-aged man, through the peephole, standing outside his doorstep.

"Hello? Anybody home?" Eylne shouted. "HELLO?"

_"Dammit, its that milk-stealing-shameless bitch Eylne…"_ Henri thought.

"Alright Eylne... why'd you drag me all the way here for?" The man beside Eylne asked.

"What? Oh... um... I think there's something weird going on inside this apartment..." Eylne told him.

"What do you mean weird?" The man asked, looking at the door suspiciously. "You mean the guy who lived here is weird?"

Henri screamed hysterically, banging furiously at the door from inside, "I'm NOT weird, you bird-brain!"

Of course, the people outside could not hear him.

"No…" Eylne said, rolling her eyes over. "… I meant tha-"

"Ooh... you mean like there's GHOSTS?" The man intercepted.

"G-GHOST? WHAT GHOST? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Eylne said, almost shouting as she absentmindedly flings both of her hands madly in the air.

She began to hyperventilate.

"Alright bitch… you don't have to over-react… now, calm down…" The man hushed. _"Drama queen..."_

"Now look here, Rudolph… as I was saying before you mentioned the gh-" Eylne paused. "… are you staring at my boobs again?" She asked.

_"Rudolph? What kind of a stupid name is Rudolph, anyway?"_ Henri thought, behind the closed door.

"Huh? Wha-?" Rudolph looked up at her. "Why, no… of course not, Eylne… ha-ha… um… I-I… I…" Rudolph panicked. _"I need to come up with something… hmm… a distraction, that's it! I've got to diversify her attention… and fast! Think Rudolph… THINK!"_ Rudolph told himself. "Um… Eylne, about the ghost-thing… you see, it was just something that I sort of made up, that's all…"

"Phew! For a moment there, I really thought that this entire apartment was haunted…" Eylne waited for Rudolph to say something. However, all she found was Rudolph staring at her with a look of relief on his face. "Anyway…" She continued. "… when I said there's something weird, I was thinking more about something like aliens and extra-terrestrial stuff like that… you know, like the X-Files, the Twilightzone, and th-"

"You've been watching to much TV, Eylne..." Rudolph interrupted. "Have you been smoking pots lately? Huh? Have you? Dammit Eylne… why didn't you ask me to join in?"

Eylne sweatdrop.

"Rudolph, for your information, I DO NOT smoke pots... you jerk!" Eylne scowled at him. "And even if I did, what made you think I would ask an old freak like you to join me? And what would the other tenants think when they found out that I'm hanging out with you? Huh? I mean, _PLLEEEAAAASSSSEEEE_... I've got at least some standards in my taste when it comes to the choosing my friends, you know?" Eylne remarked in a smirk way.

"Why you bitc-" Rudolph screamed angrily, as he reached for her neck.

"WAIT! Listen…" Eylne hushed, raising her left had up. "Do you hear something?"

Rudolph stopped midway, with both his hands just inches away from Eylne's throat. "WHAT?"

"I don't know… that's why I asked you…" She said.

Rudolph sweatdrop.

"By the way, Rudolph... can you see anything from over your apartment opposite?"

_"Huh? Opposite apartment? What the hell is she talking about? Wait a second… that name, Rudolph... sounds kinda familiar... "_ Henri thought. Suddenly, his eyes brightened up. "Of course... Rudolph BrainDead! That guy who lived opposite of me..."

"Well, everything seems normal enough to me..." Rudolph replied, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Like duh! Tell me something I don't know, Rudolph..." She continued, rolling her eyes over.

"What?" Rudolph quirked annoyingly. "What do you want me to tell you? Oh, do you want me to tell you if he is cute and hot? Or do you want me to let you know if he walks around the apartment stark naked? Huh? Huh? Is that it? Huh? Eylne?" Rudolph quizzed sarcastically.

Silence.

"So, is he?"

"Who?"

"The guy who lives here... Henri." She said, pointing to Henri's apartment.

"I don't know... but if you ask me, I think he is gay..." Rudolph said.

"WHAT?" Henri and Eylne shouted, almost simultaneously.

"Well, now that you've mentioned… he _DO _looked kinda gay…" Eylne sighed. "Damn, no wonder he doesn't even bother to look at me, not even at my breasts, everytime when I purposely bumped into him along the hallway..."

"WHAT THE HELL? WELL, IT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE DOWNRIGHT FUCKING UGLY... THAT'S WHY!" Henri shouted, banging angrily at the door."…AND YOU SMELL… BITCH!

"You mean you PURPOSELY let him bump into you in the hallway just so that you could let him stare at your sexy body?" Rudolph asked.

"Yeah…" She replied.

"_Whore..."_ Rudolph thought.

* * *

Moments later... 

Henri returned back to the forest world. He then approached Jester, who was still there standing by the porch of the house. As usual, he was still talking to himself.

"So, still communicating with your 'imaginary friend', I presume?" Henri chuckled.

"H-huh? W-what?" Jester replied, looking at him like a complete moron.

_"I should have known... mum always told me NOT to talk to strangers... especially the weird ones..."_ He thought, as he slapped his hand at his forehead. Saying aloud, "Um, nothing... forget about it... here's your chocolate milk."

"O-oh, g-goody g-gosh... c-chocolate milk... my f-favorite... y-yummy..." Jester jeered, reaching his hands out to grab the bottle from Henri's hand and he immediately took a sip from the bottle.

Henri began to ask, "So, what's th-"

"BLECH! W-what the f-fuck is t-this? T-taste funny..." Jester spat.

"Well, its (cough) expired (cough) chocolate milk... like you wanted..." Henri replied, looking away.

Jester frown. He then stare at the chocolate milk in his hand once again and shrugged before he continued to drown the entire contents from the bottle. "Ooh... ooh... the... ooh... (gulp) c-chocolate m-milk... ooh... (gulp) tastes... ooh... f-funny..."

Henri stomped at his foot impatiently, looking at Jester drinking at the expired milk. "So, what's the thing that guy gave you?"

Jester looked up, halfway from the drinking of the disgusting expired milk, with tears brimming in his eyes, "T-this milk r-really t-tastes funny... and I... I-I t-think I-I'm gonna t-throw up..."

"Whatever..." Henri entertained him. "Now, hand over that thing this instance!"

Jester could no longer take it anymore. The expired drink was beginning to make him sick. He quickly tossed the item to Henri and ran over to one corner to puke his guts out.

The item struck Henri straight in his face. "OUCH, DAMMIT!" Henri screamed. He then picked up the item from the floor for closer inspection. To his disappointment, it was just a mere rusty spade. "What the hell? After all this trouble of running around to get the milk, and all I've got is a... SPADE?" Henri fluttered.

Jester was still vomiting in the background.

_"Dammit! When I'm done with everything, I'm gonna make sure to dig you a grave with this fucking spade for making me running around, and looking like a fool..."_ He thought, staring angrily at Jester.

"N-no… t-there's something w-written at the b-back…" Jester finally said, through his vomit-stained mouth, before he went back to his vomiting.

"Really?" Henri quickly looked at the back of the spade and like what Jester had told him, there was indeed something written, in glossy purple paint, on the rusty surface of the tool.

"**Opposite the cursed rendezvous point of the filthy, polluted lake (also known as the so-called 'special place' of that fucking Jaimes and his beloved dead wife) and the run-down house, look inside the scrawny pathetic hand that lay openly for you to step on, on the fertilized ground"**

"What the hell? And who the fuck is Jaimes, anyway?" He exclaimed. Henri sighed and shook his head helplessly. Nothing that had happened made any sense. _"Wait… what if all of this was just a silly prank? I mean, maybe Eylne and Rudolph had pretended not to hear my pig-like pathetic screams… and maybe that Sinthia bitch was just a paid actress… or maybe…"_

And so, the list of 'maybe's went on and on and on in his head. Henri was slowly losing his sanity counting at the endless possibilities. _"If it REALLY was a prank, then that Sinthia bitch's a damn good actress. I mean, her death was so real… the vomit all over her… the gore…I could have sworn I saw her intestines spilling out from her rectum."_ He snickered. _"But who the sick bastard would plan for such a prank?" _

Prank or not, Henri naively decided to follow what was instructed on the spade. And so, Henri left Jester, who was still vomiting non-stop, to look for the stupid location as mentioned on the rusty spade, and headed for the forest.

Henri really had no idea that his decision had sealed his unfortunate fate in encountering more idiotic and many other senseless, stupid humor that were to come.

After hours of bashing through the heavily forested jungle, encountering more fairies, chased after by the sex-craved gay purple Teletubby, more killing of the fairies, and bashing through even more trees and bushes later…

Henri whistled loudly as he walked along the forested path when suddenly, he felt something grabbed at his ankle and screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He whined like a girl.

With a very pale face, Henri quickly squirmed aside and looked at the ground. It was then that he saw a weird-looking thing that somehow resembled that of a leg, sprawled from underground. "What the-?" It was then that he suddenly remembered about the strange purple message that was written on the spade. Henri re-called, _"Opposite the cursed rendezvous point… the filthy, polluted lake… the run-down house… the scrawny pathetic hand that lay openly for you to step on the fertilized ground…"_

He stopped. "Wait… if it's a hand, then why does this fucking thing look like a leg to me?" The stupid man thinks aloud. "Oh, whatever… they should be the same, I guess…" And so, the pathetic fool quickly put his spade into good use and started to dig at the soil underneath the leg-like shaped object on the ground.

Hours of digging later…

"WHAT? AFTER ALL THE DIGGING AND ALL I'VE MANAGED TO FIND IS THIS FUCKING CHICKENBONE?" He screamed. Then from the corner of his eye, Henri suddenly saw a hand-shaped root sprouting out from under a pile of smelly cow dung, next to the location he was digging.

"Dammit! I've dug the wrong place!" He cried. Henri then crawled out of the 10-feet deep hole, which he had dug, and he immediately started to dig at the smelly cow dung.

Many more hours of digging later…

"Woo-hoo… finders keepers, losers weepers!" He cheered. Henri then used his hand to pull out the buried object from inside the exposed soil. After inspecting the object, Henri realized that it was a purple hairclip with the picture of the purple Teletubby printed on it. Henri felt insulted, uncleaned and obviously being used_. "What the fuck am I suppose to use this disgusting hairclip on?"_ He thought.

It took him five hours, twenty-six minutes and eleven seconds later to realize that he could make use of this hairclip to pick on the lock on the door of the Dorky House. Henri beamed happily and he immediately made his way back to the house. However, unknown to him, there was a curse which was being put upon on the hairclip by the owner of the hairclip – yes, by Tinky Winky.

Henri soon found himself walking round and round the forest. And he found himself going around circles. To make matters worse, the place had suddenly shrouded itself with heavy fog and the whole place smelt like fart. Henri was beginning to feel nauseated. _"What's wrong with this place? I can't seem to find my way back to the Dorky House and… wait! Haven't I already passed this stupid tree before?" _He stopped to stare at the familiar-looking tree right next to him with the crude drawing of a naked purple Teletubby with its private parts exposed. _"Eewww... Damn, I think I'm walking around in circles…" _He thought.

Henri was beginning to feel the drain of his energy, after walking around the place non-stop. He then decided to take a rest under a nearby tree. As he sat there doing practically nothing except feeding the many mosquitoes, Henri took out the purple Teletubby hairclip to dig at his teeth.

Suddenly, in the midst of digging his teeth, Henri realized that there were some super, ultra, fine wordings carved on the hairclip. He then took the hairclip out of his bloody mouth and placed it close to his eyes for a closer look at the wordings.

**"If you do manage to dig up our Lord's favorite purple hairclip, be sure to personally return it to its rightful owner... Yes, to Tinky Winky... Or else, at least do have the brain and decency to kindly stash it far away… far away inside some place dark, scary, and eerie… and did I mentioned that the place has to be dark? Anyway, failure to comply on doing so and you will never… and I say NEVER be able to escape from this enchanting forest… Muwahahahaha…"**

The first thing in his mind was that he was truly amazed at the fact a hairclip so small could contain so many words. Not to mention, he was even more appalled by the fact that he was able to even read every of the individual tiny word on the hairclip without any difficulty. However, his excitement soon turned to despair when he realized that there was now no way for him to return back to the Dorky House now. At least, not with the hairclip in his possession.

Henri racked his brain at the options. "Oh man… do I really have to return this hairclip to that fucking gay-ish Tinky Winky? But that's unethical and its immoral… I mean, the Teletubbies are mean and evil… and I hate the way that Tinky Winky looked at my body with lust in its eyes… eewww… no way am I going to meet up with that freaky creature." He grunted. Henri then continued to consider at the alternative option. "Hmm… maybe I could do something about this hairclip without having to come into contact with those sickening Teletubbies…"

Then, something struck him. Henri realized that in order for him to be able to make his way back to the Dorky House, he could return back to his own apartment and drop it off at the storage box and pick it up again from another location.

Satisfied with the solution, Henri began to desperately search for a 'Teleport' hole around the area so that he could travel back to his apartment. He began to search high and low, left and right, up and down the forest, through the unbearable fart-y stench and smoky fog before he finally managed to find a hole on a wall towards the far end of the forest.

However, just as he was about to make his way towards the hole, a fairy sudden popped out of nowhere.

"AH! I see that you've found Lord Tinky Winky's favorite hairclip…" Fairy random number 256 said.

"Buzz off, you flying bitch… I've already killed many of your sisters and I shall not hesitate to kill one more, and that is you, if you do not leave me alone." Henri warned.

"Ha-ha… you pathetic mortal…" Fairy random number 256 challenged. "I'm far more better skilled and clever than fairy random number 628 and fairy random number 914 that you have killed. Do you think I'm scared by your mere girly threats?"

"What? You damn fairies even have code numbers?" Henri asked.

"Ha-ha… why, of course! We even have our own personal barcodes, serial numbers, birth certificates…" Fairy random number 256 told him.

"Sounds really stupid, if you ask me… ha-ha…" Henri joked. "Now get the fuck away..."

At this point, fairy random number 256 was so pissed by the sarcastic remarks that she began to attack him. Henri immediately retaliated by grabbing at her legs and pulling her wings out. Fairy random number 256 screamed in pain. Henri continued by breaking her hands and twisting her legs in two before finally throwing fairy random number 256 onto the ground, as she wreathed in pain.

"Ouch… ouch… pain… pain…" Fairy Random Number 256 cried.

Henri decided to spare her life and he stopped his murderous assaults. However, as he was about to walk away, he accidentally tripped over a rock and his right foot landed on the body of the fairy. The impact crushed the fairy to death instantly, and spilling all her intestines and guts all over the ground.

"Oops… sorry!" Henri gestured, apologetically.

Henri then wiped his shoe off of the remains of the fairy's bloody intestines at the nearby grass patch before he continued to proceed ahead and squeeze himself into the damn hole.

After waking up back in his apartment and changing into yet another clean set of trousers…

Henri quickly ran towards the storage box in the living room to safe keep the purple hairclip before he made his way back into the bathroom and squeezed his fat-tub-of-lard body through the hole on the wall.

* * *

Moments later… 

Henri finally managed to successfully return to the Dorky House with the hairclip in his possession. As he approached the house, he saw Jester sitting by the stairs, clutching hard at his tummy and groaning in pain.

"What's wrong, Jester? You look like shit…" Henri asked.

"I-I… I… m-my tummy h-hurts l-like s-shit…" Jester stuttered in absolute pain.

"Hey, it wasn't me… I swear, really… I gave you chocolate milk… not poison!" Henri quickly responded, but somehow with uncertainty. Henri wasn't even sure if expired milk is poisonous. _"Hey, can't blame me… that's the only bottle of chocolate I have… blame it on that fucking bitch Eylne for stealing all my other fresh milk, if you want to…"_ He thought.

"W-what? H-henri, did y-you j-just say s-something?" Jester spoke, through gritted teeth, enduring at the pain of his tummy.

"Huh? Who? Me?" Henri panicked and looked away, afraid of having eye contact with Jester. "Um… no…" He said.

"O-okay…" Jester moaned, weakly.

"Ooh… look what I've got here… a hairclip!" Henri awed, as he walked over to show Jester the hairclip in his hand.

"Oh-" Before Jester could finish his sentence, he vomited again. This time on Henri's shoes.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! Dammit, Jester…!"

Henri whacked his shoes on Jester's face to clean away the dirty and smelly slim. He curses and swears under his breath as he moved away from Jester and proceeded to pick on the lock on the door of the Dorky House.

(Click)

Henri managed to successfully unlock the door and entered it. Jester, seeing Henri entering the forsaken house, decided to follow.

"_M-maybe I c-could find more c-chocolate m-milk inside…" _Jester thought.

Henri slowly walked around the poorly lit interior of the Dorky House. As he was looking through the surrounding, he was almost knocked over by Jester, who had barged into the house eagerly searching for chocolate milk.

"Damn you, Jester!" Henri scolded.

Jester simply turned his head around and smiled like an idiot at him. "U-um… s-sorry, H-henri…"

With that, Jester continued to run towards the end of the house and disappeared shortly after turning around the corner.

Henri continued to look around the place. The entire environment was in a total wreck. Tables were overturned. Chairs were smashed. And the windows were broken. "Wait a minute, the _windows were broken_? Dammit, why didn't I think of coming in through the windows earlier?" Henri said aloud.

"B-because y-you are s-stupid?" Jester said, with his head popping out from the corner of the wall at the far end of the room.

"Very funny, Jester…" Henri replied, sarcastically.

Having said that, Jester once again disappeared and Henri continued to scan through the wreckage for any clues of some sort when he found a piece of memo lying on the floor.

**"Have you found that pesky little bitch… godammit, what's her name? Alice-in-Wonderland? Or was it Rumplestilskin? Whatever… and how is that weirdo Wolter taking it after he's been rejected and laughed at by that Sinthia bitch for the ninety-eighth time? Anyway, submit a progress report to me!"**

"What the fuck?" Henri threw away the piece of paper in disgust and continued to explore the rest of the place, but none of the doors seemed to work. They were either broken or locked. Henri got no other options left but to head towards the direction where Jester had went earlier.

Somehow, he managed to find a piece of paper on the floor and picked it up.

**"The Holy Recipe of Crap (a.k.a. Holy Crap)**

**The Second Sign**

**And the Dog said,**

**Offer the foul dishes of the Ten Chosen Ones**

**And pass the salt**

**Then, simply remove the bones from the flesh of the chicken, and**

**Gain the title of Master Chef of the Kitchen.**

**From the pots and pans, bring forth the olive oil, and grill thyself with**

**Desert for the Provider of Dumbness **

**The ThirdSign**

**And the Dog said,**

**Place the Stove through the Chef's Boob-alicious recommendation.**

**Under the Peeping eye of the Chef, walking around by himself**

**with disgusting Cooties, only then will all the Four **

**Delicacies be served on the same plate."**

Henri was totally baffled at the message. "The _DOG_? I didn't know dogs could talk? Sheesh, what kind of crappy recipe is this anyway? It just doesn't even make any sense." He retorted.

Suddenly, a blood-chilling and pathetic cry could be heard coming from the nearby closed door.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Holy-Dickhead! What the hell was that?" Henri turned his head around to see faint smoke coming out through the gaps of the door behind him. Henri sniffed around. "Jester? JESTER? Are you inside? I smell burning meat inside… Jester, what's cooking?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri slowly walked towards the closed door, attempting to open it when he found a familiar-looking card stuck on the door. He reached out to pull the card out from its resting place to see that it had a cheesy picture of a man with his naked butt in flame. At the bottom of the card were the words, **"Stove Placard"**.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri immediately looked up. "Alright, alright already… I'm coming… save some of the barbequed meat for me, okay?" He said, as he hurriedly stuffed the card inside his pocket and proceeded to enter into the room.

Inside the room, Henri saw Jester jumping up and down, squirming on the floor like a worm, and turning round and round like a ballerina as his whole body bursts into flame.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Cool… the famous legendary Fire Dance…" Henri cheered, as he clapped at his hands. "Go Jester, Go!"

"H-henri… h-help!" Jester pleaded. "P-pain… pain…"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"H-henri… I'm b-burning up… h-help me… p-please…" Jester cried.

"You mean, you are not doing the legendary Fire Dance?

"N-no..."

"So, how the hell did you manage to catch fire?" Henri asked.

"J-just put o-out t-the fire a-already, H-henri…" Jester screamed, obviously in pain.

"Alright…" He replied annoying, as he looked around the place for any extinguishers. "By the way, since you are the one on fire, I assume there was never any barbeque meat in the first place? Right?"

"Y-yes…"

"Dammit!"

"H-henri?"

"What?" Henri said, looking up in disappointment.

"T-the fire… H-hurry... P-PUT O-OUT THE F-FIRE ON M-ME A-ALREADY!"

"Ooh… right!"

He immediately grasped a bucket of liquid from the far corner of the room and tossed its contents over at Jester.

(SPLASH!)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jester screamed madly. The fire on Jester suddenly became much bigger this time. Henri saw Jester running around the room in circles with both his hands swinging madly in the air and screaming in a frenzy state.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Huh? What the-" Henri wondered. He then lifted the bucket up for a closer inspection on the wordings written on the exterior of the bucket.

"WARNING! Highly flammable machinery lubricant with extra pig lard concentrate. Handle with extreme care and caution!"

Henri sweatdrop.

"Ha-ha… um… OOPS!" Henri gulped.

Henri immediate ran over to Jester and used his leg to stamp it hard on Jester's burning body. It took him great strength and exhaustion, and lots of stamping before he finally managed to put out the burning flame on Jester.

The body of Jester lay on the floor motionless, in complete black crisp, looking dazed.

"Jester, what the hell happened? Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with fire?" Henri said. "Fires are bad, you know that? Fires are bad!"

"I-its him… I-I've f-finally saw h-him… he s-stole m-my t-third limited e-edition T-teletubbies collection a-and s-set me o-on f-fire… t-that b-bastard..." Jester muttered before he breathed his last breath.

"What guy? Is it the same guy Sinthia saw? Who is he? WHO IS HE? WHHOOO?" Henri screamed. "Jester? Hello? Jester, answer me, dammit! JESTER, STOP PLAYING DEAD ALREADY!"

Then, Henri saw the number **17121 **appeared on Jester's chest and suddenly, everything faded to white.

**

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Teletubbies, X-Files, Twhilightzone, E.T, Alice in Wonderland, and Rumplestilskin. **

**A/N: **Woo-hoo... I'm back. I would like to thank Saddened Soul, Sydon, Renticing, Toxic-fairy, PiercedByWolf'sEyes, James Birdsong, and Shaderem X.

Hope you'll all enjoy the latest chapter of Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5: Spiders and Spies

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 5: Spiders and Spies **

Henri jerked awake from his dreamland. "Meh, that was _HOT_!" Henri thought aloud. He paused. "Dammit, that sounded so gay... I mean, not that Jester's _hot_, as in sexy and all, but he really _IS _hot... no wait, what the hell am I blabbering about? I don't mean that he is hot _HOT _or something... I mean... he is hot alright but he is not that hot _hot_... No... I mean... ARGGGHHH! WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT? I-I... I... WAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And so, that wimp cried for a good long hour before he realized that he needed a quick change of a fresh clean set of pants. He immediately put on another new pair of pants before he made he way out of his bedroom.

However, as soon as he had stepped into the living room, the radio suddenly turned on by itself and the voice of a female broadcaster came over the speaker.

"**... And now, a very _sizzling_ bulletin news... wahahahaha... _sizzling_ news... wahahahahaha... oh boy, it indeed _is _a sizzling news alright... in fact, its piping burning hot... wahahahaha... uh... um, sorry... my bad..." **

A moment of embarrassing long silence.

"**Um... huh? What? (Mumbles in the background) Ooooh... right, on with the news... in the forest near Shuddup Hill, the body of a barbequed 30-year-old virgin was... um wait... there's some smudge on the paper... (paper rubbing sounds)... oh, it's a barbequed 30-year-old _body_ that was found earlier today. A spokesman from the police department said that because the genitals of the charred body was so badly burnt and viciously stepped on, and it made their investigation even harder for them to identify on the gender of the corpse..." **

Henri grinned guiltily. _"Oops... guess I must have stepped on Jester's burning penis a little too hard..."_

The broadcast continued.

"**...based on the dental records and DNA tests, the police have confirmed the identity of the roasted corpse to belong to a Mister Jester Gain. The numbers 17121 were found written on Jester's chest. The police are still investigating on this and had not ruled out on the possibility that the victim was being attacked and mauled by Bigfoot, also known by the townsfolk, as the 'Testicle Predator'. There were also many speculations that the case had possible relationship linking to that of Wolter Salivaman's case many, many, many, many, many, many, and I mean many years back... because Wolter had once bitten off some guy's testicles because he was hungry..." **

Henri gasped and shivered. _"Wolter? Bigfoot? Eeeew... now that's sick!"" _

"**Well folks, that ends our sizzling-hot bulletin news for the hour and... (snickers and snorts) _Sizzling-hot_ news... get it? Wahahahaha... um (ahem) ... uh, sorry about that... anyways, here's the latest Billboard Hit song "Don't C-H-A-_R_" by the Poo-pooKat Dollz... wahahahahahaha... "_Don't Cha-R"_... get it? Wahahahaha... meh, I'm funny..." **

The female broadcaster laughed hysterically at her own sick joke.

The radio abruptly stopped its broadcast.

"What the hell?" Henri sweatdrop. _"Psycho bitch..."_

He then walked over to the storage box next to the television and put the Stove Placard inside.

Suddenly, doorbell rang.

"_What now?"_ He thought. Henri quickly walked over to the door and look at the peephole. Standing at the doorway was the Super. "HEY! CRANK! GET ME OUTTA HERE... YOU HEAR ME? CRANK!" Henri screamed, as he banged on the door.

"Hello? Henri? You in there?" The Super called out, as he stared at the surrounding suspiciously. "Henri?"

"LET ME OUT, CRANK... PLEASE... I'LL BE A GOOD BOY... I PROMISE!" Henri continued to scream from his apartment.

The Super began to bang on the door, as he furiously fidgeted at the knob. "Henri? Open the door!"

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I'VE JUST SAID? I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE DOOR, YOU SMELLY BABOON!" Henri shouted at the top of his voice.

Crank suddenly stopped what he was doing and he began to sniff around the door of Room 302. "Eh? What's that smell?"

"What smell?" Henri asked. "WHAT?"

The Super quickly dug out a bunch of noisy keys from inside his trousers pockets and inserted a key into the keyhole to unlock the door of Room 302. "Dammit... why won't it open? Why? WHYYY?" He cried. Crank then took the key out of the keyhole to examine. "Oh, it's the wrong one... now where's the correct key?" He fumbled around with the big set of 2,169 keys in his hand. "Darn... where's the correct key when you need it... ooh, here it is!"

Crank then singled out the only weird-looking key with a tag on it that says, **"The Correct Key"**, and inserted it into the keyhole. Unfortunately, the door remained locked. "Fuck! Why won't it open?"

The Super continued to smell around the door. "Oh my god! That smell... Its getting stronger..."

"_What the hell?" _Henri thought. "WHAT SMELL?"

"That smell!" The Super shouted. "ITS THAT SMELL!"

"WHAT?" Henri screamed from inside. "TELL ME... TELL ME... MEH, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU OLD PEOPLE?"

"ITS THAT SAME SMELL!" The Super screamed.

"WHAT SAME SMELL?" Henri was now getting hysterical.

"T-that familiar smell..." The Super repeated. "Yes, its that smell alright... it's the same as back then..."

"SHIT! BACK THEN? WHAT '_BACK THEN'_? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT SMELL? IS IT DANGEROUS? HUH? OR IS IT SCARY? TERRIFYING? HORRIBLE? SEXY?" Henri flustered. "WHHAAATTTT?"

"Its the smell of… food!" The Super finally said.

Henri sweatdrop.

"HENRI! ARE YOU EATING IN THE APARTMENT AGAIN?" The Super shouted.

"?" Henri was totally bewildered.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IN YO... (sniff) Wait, it smells like... like... GAH! IS THAT MY _FAVORITE_ PEPPERONI AND RAW FISH GUT PIZZA, WITH MAPLE SYRUP AND CHEESE... A-AND EXTRA PRESERVED DRIED MAGGOTS TOPPINGS?"

Henri sweatdrop. He could not believe that such disgusting food even exist in the first place, let alone it's the Super's favorite. _"Yukes."_

"HENRI, COME OUT NOW AND SURRENDER THE PIZZA TO ME THIS INSTANCE..." The Super ordered. The Super stood by the doorstep, stamping at his foot impatiently, and waited.

(Five minutes later…)

The Super was still waiting outside the door.

(Forty-two minutes later…)

Henri was still looking through the peephole. He scratched his ass at the forty-third minute.

(One hour and thirty-six minutes later…)

"Okay… you win, Henri! But I'll be back..." The Super finally said. "... right after I go order my own pepperoni and raw fish gut pizza, with maple syrup and cheese, and extra preserved dried maggots toppings, you hear me?" Crank shoved his angry fist in the air, before he briskly walked away.

"_What the hell?" _

* * *

(Moments later…) 

"_C-can't breathe... can't... b-breathe..." _Henri gurgled, as he tried to speak through a mouthful of water.

Henri suddenly woke up, out of breath, as he found himself lying face down in a pool of dirty water. A few lumps of solid excretion could be seen floating in the shallow water around him. "ACK!" He shouted, as he quickly pushed himself up. _"Where the hell am I?" _He looked around.

"HELP! HELP ME... HE'S GONNA KILL ME..." An irritating voice echoed from out of nowhere.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, and searched around in fright. "Holy motherfucker! What the hell was that?"

"I SAY, HELP ME... HELP! HEELLLPPPP!" The mysterious persisted.

"Okay! Okay! Dammit... where the fuck are you?" Henri asked.

"Behind you, dumbass..." The voice said.

Henri immediately turned around. "Where?" He asked, as he looked around the poorly-lit circular pathway. "There's no fucking-body around here... is this some kind of sick joke? Meh! This is _SO _not funny!"

"I am-"

"No wait... are _you_ my inner voice?" Henri interrupted. "You know, like that little annoying voice in the mind that always tells you what to do, and what not to do?"

"No, dammit! I am inside the caged cell, dammit!"

"Uh, what's a _'caged cell'_?" Henri quizzed, with an idiotic look on his face.

"You are so dense..." The voice echoed. "Look at the metal door right next to you, stupid!"

Henri quickly glanced over at the small opening on a rusty door next to him to see a fat man inside. "Oh... so there you are!"

They stared at each other.

Silence.

"Well?" Henri finally asked.

"Well _what_?" The fat man asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be screaming for help or something?" Henri continued.

"Oh yeah..." The fat man agreed. And so, he continued to scream and whined like a slaughtering pig. "HELP... HELP ME... HE'S GONNA KILL ME... HE'S GONNA KEEEEEEELLLL ME! HEELLLPPPPPP!"

Henri sweatdrop.

"Shut up, lardass!" Henri spat at him.

The fat man immediately quieted down.

Then he farted.

"I SAY, SHUT UP!" Henri shouted, as he banged the butt of his handgun on the metal door.

"Sorry, my bad... I always fart when I get excited..." The fat man said.

Henri quickly covered his nose and ran to the other side of the wall for a breather.

"Now, how the hell did you even managed to get yourself locked up inside there? And who's this person you say was going to kill you?" Henri asked.

"Get me out of here... He's gonna kill me... HE'S GOING TO KEEEELLLL ME!" The frightened tub-of-lard continued to whine.

Henri rolled his eyes over. "Yes... yes... I think we've already gone through that part already... but _WHO_ is it?"

"I-its... its that... its that s-spider on that wall..." He weeped. "Its creepy."

Henri sweatdrop.

"Dammit... _spiders_ don't kill." Henri said. _"_ _Moron__!"_

"Huh? They d-don't? Really? Are you sure?" He gave Henri a doubtful look. "It looks kinda lethal to me…"

Henri wanted to strangle that piece of lardface in front of him. Oh yes, he wanted it so badly. _"How can anyone be so stupid?" _He wanted to kill that birdbrain and throw his body into the crocodile's pit. Henri stared at the metal door separating them as he considered at the many possibilities. The metal fixture was probably the only obstacle preventing him from going over to strangle that fat and slimy cupcake.

Henri forced a smile. "Yes, I'm sure. Spiders do not kill..." He said through gritted teeth. "Oh, and by the way, my name's Henri."

"Nobody even asked for your name... so why are you telling me that for?" The fat man said in a sarcastic tone.

"WHY YOU-?" Henri shoved his handgun directly at the fat man's face.

"GAH!" The fat man screamed and raised his arms in the air. "Alright... alright… M-my name is Androol DeSickman... and I tortur... uh, I mean, I _look_ after the children here at the Water Jail."

"So, you look after the Water Jail for the children, eh?" Henri asked.

"No, I _said_ I look after the children here at the Water Jail..." Androol corrected.

"I see, you look after the children Jail at the water... no wait, that doesn't sound right..." Henri said. "Or was it you look after the Water children at the Jail? No, that doesn't sound correct either..."

"No... that's not what I said..." Androol said in exasperation.

"Okay smartass… what the fuck did you say then? Huh?" Henri retorted.

"I-I... I..." Androol stopped. He saw the handgun in Henri's hand and shivered. Androol sighed and shook at his head. "Oh, nothing... anyway, welcome to the Water Jail."

"Oh, so this is the Water Jail... I bet you must be the person looking after the children here..." Henri told him. "Why didn't you say so earlier?"

Androol sweatdrop.

"Look, are you going to get me out of here or not?" Androol asked, somehow getting a little impatient.

"Well, alright..." Henri said.

"HURRY UP, THEN!" Androol pestered

"I said alright already...stop rushing me, you smelly meatball!" Henri shouted. "You just wait right here while I go check this place out and see what I can do to free you..."

With that, Henri was soon gone.

"Okkaaayyyy! And come back reeeeeel soon!" Androol faked a cheerful reply. _"Like I'm gonna be able to go anywhere..._ you s_arcastic bastard!" _

Then, from the corner of his eyes, Androol stared at the spider on the wall. A look of horror plastered his face. _"Did that spider just moved?"_ He thought.

Androol began to hyperventilate.

Henri hopped around the wet circular pathway like a little girl, when suddenly, he saw a piece of paper floating in the shallow water together with some disgusting solid excretion lumps. He quickly picked it up to read.

"**Hooray! One has finally managed to break out from that tiny 100cm x 150 cm prison cell and one have decided to tour around this magnificent prison joint. **

**One was told that the most frightening place to visit would be the first floor basement... In this place, it was said that there was a cooking chamber, also known as the _kitchen_, in the north-south. Sounds scary, huh? Well, don't be, because its just a place where all one's meal was cooked... tee-hee... Anyways, the frightening place one was blabbering about lies next door in the west-east direction, called the Die Room. One wondered why the prison guardians even call it the _'Die Room'_? Maybe it's a place where the prison guardians store all the dices? One don't know... One have never got the chance to sneak inside because one would have to: enter the correct pin code, scan the retina, and last but not least, to process the fingerprint for identification before one could get the fuck inside. Moreover, it seemed like the prison guards have not been paying the electricity bills for some of the floors, so its too fucking dark to see the panel, let alone trying to break inside the room. **

**What the hell? Is one speaking in third person again? Oh gross..." **

"Bloody hell? What's all this about?" Henri snarled. "Fuck! Like I care!" He swiftly stuffed the piece of paper inside his pocket and continued to explore around the place. He retardedly waded along the excretion-filled water as he proceeded to explore around the many unlocked cells.

In one particular cell, Henri managed to find a note lying around and picked it up.

"**I liked to dig at my nostrils... my sexy little nostrils... tee-hee... mmm... so comfy... I feel like I'm having the ultimate orgasm in my life whenever I dug at my filthy nostrils and... FUCK! There's a shadow above me! Oh my god! Did someone just peeped at me from the middle room? Dammit... can't I even dig at my own nostrils alone in peace? Sheesh…" **

"What a sick pervert!" Henri snorted, and he stuffed the note inside his pocket.

(Later…)

Henri soon arrived at an empty room. Well, not exactly _empty_. At the far end of the room was a big hole with many nice designs crafted beautifully at its circumference. "Ooh… ahh… nice art!" He awed. Then, he noticed a piece of paper stuck on the wall next to the hole and he quickly walked over and picked it up to read.

"**In order to enter into the spy-camera monitoring room in the center of this merry, merry-land, all prison guardians have to use the smelly dead body sliding chutes within some of the designated cells… and this always made us all smell like some rotting fucks. No wonder the kids always made fun of us prison guardians by calling us names like, 'poo-poo dickheads' and 'fart-face'… dammit, I hate my job. **

**And to make it even more challenging for us, prison guardians, the higher bosses have decided to lock up these special cells with such 'dead body sliding chutes' features, on the first and second floors so that we would better appreciate more on their creativity than on their stupidity. To hell with them! Anyways, I came to know about this very fascinating way of getting up to the third floor from one of the cells in the first floor but it's a pain to do it since the bosses are stingy enough to only pay for the lights on the third floor… those blood-sucking scrooges." **

Henri was getting more and more irritated with all these illogical notes that he had picked up along the way. He finally concluded that the authors to these notes must be crazy. Maybe even delusional. _"Probably some junkies…"_ He thought. Henri shrugged and left the room via the spiral stairway access door. He merrily walked along the long spiral stairs when he casually stopped by along the way to pick up a big metal coin with the words, **"Anti-Teletubbies Insane Medallion"**, engraved on it. Henri happily stuff away the piece of crap metal inside his pocket.

"Hee… hee… hee…" A sinister laughter reverberated the entire spiral stairway.

"WAHHHHH!" Henri screamed like a girl. "What the-?" Then suddenly, without any prior notice or whatsoever, the purple Teletubby popped out from the wall beside him and started to grope him.

"Hello sissyboy..." The purple Teletubby moaned. "We meet again... and what nice butt you've got!"

"GAH! Get away from me, freak!" Henri screamed. "RAPE!"

"Hee… hee…" The Teletubby continued to laugh.

Henri immediately grabbed the medallion from his pocket and flashed it at the Teletubby. "Die, you bastard… DIEEEE!"

"Muwahahahahaha!" The gay-ish purple blob laughed hysterically. "You really do think that fucking piece of crap metal is gonna get rid of me?"

A wave of anger struck Henri and he swiftly used the medallion in his hand to strike the Teletubby on its head.

"Ouch… that hurts!" The Teletubby cried, as it quickly shrank back into the wall.

"Hmm… so this medallion _really_ does make Teletubbies go away… tee-hee…" Henri giggled.

Henri kept the medallion and continued to run down the long spiral stairway. Unfortunately, the gay-ish purple Teletubby kept appearing along the spiral stairway as it persisted in sexually harassing him. The attacks were torturous and mind shattering as the purple blob of disgusting mass kept trying to grope at his ass. Henri screamed bloody murder everytime the creature attempted to attack his two well endowed… um… _assets_. It seemed like forever before Henri finally managed to reach the bottom of the spiral stairway and he quickly exited through the door.

Henri immediately slammed himself against the door behind him. The ordeal just before was enough to make any living souls kill themselves. Henri breathed heavily. He felt as if his modesty was outraged. He felt dirty. He felt cheap. He felt like a _whore. _Yes, you heard me right. A _whore_. Henri cringed at the very thought. Whores were bad. At least that's what he thought. Henri shook at his head and continued down the remaining flight of stairs until he had finally arrived at the foot of the long winding stairs where he saw something that almost made his bladder burst.

In the middle of the enormously enormous big room was a shiny white porcelain toilet, complete with the state-of-the-art computerized flushing system and a strong scent of sugar and spice lingered in the air.

"What the hell?"

The label on the toilet read, **"iToilet"**.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own the Teletubbies, the Pussycat Dolls and their hit song, "Don't Cha", and Silent Hill and its series. I also apologize if I've offended people who are of extremely… um… well, big masses. I just want to say that it wasn't intentional and I do not have anything against people who are fat. Please forgive me. 

**A/N: **Thank you all who had made the effort to read and reviewed. The list is long and the truth is out there, so I shall not name out all of you people. You know who you are. Anyway, I'm back, with a vengence… ha-ha… just _kidding_. But seriously, its been hard for me to constantly update on my parodies because I'm pregnant. And the father of the child is an alien. I've also broke the World Record for being the first male to bear the baby of an alien so keep a lookout on CNN for more information.

Okay, I was kidding _again_. Its just a load of nonsense I've conjured so please DO NOT take it too seriously… ha-ha… I'm serious… I mean, I'm serious about asking you to not taking it seriously regarding the whole _'alien pregnant' _thing… its just a joke… for goodness sake... oh, whatever… do Read and Review please… Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6: The Great Escape

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version**

**Chapter 6: The Great Escape**

Henri was somehow surprised to see a state-of-the-art technology toilet in such a hellhole place. He slowly walked over towards the sparkling white fixture in the middle of the room when all of a sudden, he saw a pair of badly-manicured pale hands stretching out from the opening of the toilet.

"AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Henri shrieked like a girl.

The ghastly hands fidgeted as it slowly pulled along a sickly figure with extremely long and unruly black hair out of the opening. Henri screamed some more.

It was a little girl crawling out from within the toilet.

Henri trembled and shuddered at the sight before him. He shuddered not because of the scary-looking little girl, but because he could not believe that any human being in the right mind would make their entrance through toilet openings.

The little girl soon made her way out from the potty hole and began to walk towards Henri. If Henri was slowly beginning to feel his stomach churn and his bowel giving way. He swallowed his saliva and he was starting to perspire hard. Dark patches formed under his armpits as he stood there shivering like a tiny kitten.

_"Getawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetaway…" _He chanted.

The girl continued to walk forwards, leaving trails of wet and slimy excretion on the ground.

Henri was trying hard not to faint. He stood limply as he watched the girl moved towards him. She looked awkwardly familiar. Henri went into a deep thought when a name came into his mind.

"S-samara?" He called out. "Is t-that you?"

The little girl shook at her head.

"Then who the fuck are you?" He asked.

The little girl stopped and looked up at him. "I'm Alice. Alice Gulliblespie."

"What the fuck do you want anyway?" Henri asked.

Alice silently pointed her filthy, crap-stained finger at him.

_"Oh god! Is she's gonna rape me too?" _Henri thought. "Please don't rape me… I'll give you… anything… ANYTHING! Just _don't _rape me… please!" He begged for mercy. Henri reached inside his pocket to dig out a paperclip, two quarters, a candy wrapper and a roll of hair. "Here! Take all of this…"

Alice sweatdrop.

"Shut up, you dimwit! I'm looking for my other half so that we could combine as one to become the ultimate Pop Princess of the Mario World."

"Huh? Y-you don't want me?" He asked.

"Ha-ha… of course not, silly..." She giggled. "I'd rather kill myself."

Henri sweatdrop.

"Anyway, you mentioned about some princess thing-y and marijuana stuff… so, are you high on drugs?" He asked.

"Dammit! Its Mario World_… _NOT Marijuana, dumbass!"

"WHAT? Mario World? Are you crazy?" He said, looking around in fear and he suddenly went into an almost inaudible whisper. _"What the hell are you talking about? You can't be serious when you talk about those Mario World mumbo stuff, right? I mean, its illegal to even talk about anything relating to Nintendo in a Sony PlayStation game…"_

"Ah, the irony of a stupid mortal…" She sighed. "You mortals can't get any stupid-er, can you?"

"Hmmm… does that mean… no, it doesn't sound like… Oh, I get it… no wait, it doesn't make sense… but… HEY! ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M _STUPID_?" Henry shouted. "_You slut!" _

"Points proven!" She said, rolling her eyes over. "Anyway, my mummy always told me that mortals are stupid… that's why I wanted to become a Pop Princess. The almighty one. The supremacy being to be worshipped by Mario and Luigi…" She spoke in an eerie way with both her arms reaching out to the sky.

"Uh, Alice… you are scaring me…" Henri stared at her in fear. "Besides, what fucking gibberish nonsense are you mumbling about? Who in the right mind would want to be a poo-poo princess? I mean, isn't it illegal?"

"ITS _POP _Princess, you dimwit! And why is being a Pop Princess _illegal _anyway?" Alice asked, looking at him suspiciously.

"Well, for one, they evade taxes…" He hushed softly at Alice's ears. "… and they smells…"

Alice sweatdrop.

"Whatever…" She mumbled. "By the way, have you seen a seven-year-old little girl, short, black hair, with tattoo and nose ring? She goes by the name of Cherry Mayson."

Henri thought for a moment. "Don't think I'd seen seven little black girls with short tattoo-ed nose rings running around here…"

"No, dammit! I _SAID_ 'a seven-year-old little, short, black hair, with tattoo and nose rings'!" Alice said.

"Oh that! Ha-ha… for a moment there, I thought you've got seven other black sisters… ha-ha…"

Alice sweatdrop.

"Well, have you?" Alice asked, again. _"You filthy racist pig!"_

"Huh? Seven sisters? Well, no… I'm the only child… I don't have any sisters…"

"NOOO! I MEANT, HAVE YOU SEEN MY OTHER HALF, CHERRY MAYSON?" She screamed.

"Oh…" Henri replied. "Well, not really…"

"Well then, I guess I'd better make a move and continue with my search…" Alice said. With that, she turned back and headed back to the iToilet and she struggled to get through the toilet opening which she had came out from earlier.

Being a mister-nice-guy himself and seeing that Alice was having trouble trying to get her flabby ass down the toilet, Henri decided to help her out with her journey. "Here, let me help you with that." He said.

Henri reached for the red flashing button on the panel at the top of the toilet, with the label **"For Emergency Use"**.

"NO… NOT THAT BUTTON!" Alice screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

Henri pressed the button.

The iToilet immediately geared up as soon as he had pressed on the emergency flushing button. This activated the electrical generating pump which sent a strong current through the integrated electrical motherboard, boosting up the power system. The device then triggered the pumping hydraulic mechanism, which was connected to a tiny wheel with a little hamster running in it. The hydraulic mechanism then initiated the electronically engineered flushing system.

( Flushing sounds)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Alice screamed. "I'm drowning… I'm d-drowni…"

And then, she was gone.

"You are welcome!" He shouted, obviously happy with his charitable act.

As he was about to move away from the toilet, he saw a key lying next to the computerized flushing exhaust of the toilet flushing system and picked it up. On the key was a tag with the wordings **"Water Jail Runaway Key"**. Along with the key, Henri also found yet another piece of memo and he picked it up

**"Water Room Operating Manual **

**Since the organization is working on an extremely low budget to maintain the Water Jail facility, we would have to scrimp on whatever resources we have in the vicinity. Thus, in order to illuminate the third floor cell, operate on this state-of-the-art iToilet. However, please remember that the flushing momentum of the system must be performed in the exact opposite direction. If you are so stupid enough to not understand what it means, it meant that all wastes and excretions shall have to be flushed back up. **

**To do so, the please feed the hamster with slug juice from the roof." **

"WHAT?" Henri stared at the memo with his mouth wide open in disbelieve. He turned his head to the pathetic hamster on the wheel in connecting the pumping hydraulic mechanism of the iToilet. "YELCH! What kind of stupid hamster consumes slug juices?" He cried.

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, back at the cell block…)

Androol squirmed to a corner of the cell and he stared, with frightening eyes, at the spider on the wall opposite of him.

"Please don't hurt me, Mister Spider… please!" He begged. "I-I… I'll give you a candybar…" Androol slowly reached inside his underwear to pull out a half-eaten candybar and attempted to offer it to the spider on the wall.

The spider moved a little.

Androol gave out a scream, dropped the candybar in his hands, and peed in his pants before he collapsed to the floor, unconscious, with foam oozing out from his mouth.

**

* * *

**

After using the Water Jail Runaway key, Henri finally managed to arrive at the roof of the Water Jail. To his surprise, the entire place was filled with slimy slugs frolicking under the sun. Henri felt utterly disgusted. The slugs were all _naked_.

He carefully squirmed his way to the middle of the room to find an empty container resting on a stand. Next to the container was a blue lever with the words **"Pull Me"**. Henri obediently did so and a secret compartment above the lever opened to reveal a… DUN… DUN… DUN… DUNNNN… Blender.

Henri quickly grabbed the many unsuspicious slugs, especially those fat and chubby ones as they bring in more juices, and threw them all into the blender. He then activated the switch on the blender and within seconds, the slugs had all turned into a pulps and juices. Henri took a glance at the mess in the blender. He turned purple in the face and puked.

After a good long vomit, Henri shakily poured the disgusting contents in the blender into the empty container he had found and he quickly went back to the iToilet facility and fed it to the hamster.

The poor hamster struggled as it gulped down the slimy fluid. The little animal then let out a nerve-shriveling scream and ran like a lunatic on the spinning wheel in the opposite direction.

Henri felt sick in his stomach. Then he suddenly also felt the urge to pee and shit all at the same time. He wanted to use the iToilet to answer to his nature calls, but the very moment he had set his eyes at the iToilet, his urge was quick to turn into dismay when he saw what the hamster was burping out from its tiny little mouth. Indigested slug juices.

_"Eeeeew…" _He cringed. Henri then decided that his journey would have to wait for he was going to go back to his apartment to answer to nature calls. So, he swiftly made his way back to the room with a portal hole and entered it.

(Later…)

Henri woke up on his bed with the usual moaning and smelly wet pants. However, this time round, it was worse than before. For, he had not only wet himself, but he also crap in his own bed.

Author's comments: _"Well, don't ask me how he managed to change into a set of clean pants and underwear when there's practically no clean water supply to his apartment. Its all done by the magical-time-warping-gaming-ability invented by Konami. Anyway, the screen faded into black and within seconds, Henri had gotten himself yet, another set of clean pants on already. Like I said, magical, isn't it?" _

Anyway, after putting on his new set of pants, Henri happily hopped out to the living room only to find another mysterious note stuck underneath his door, and picked it up.

**"I'm scared… really, I'm scared… I mean, although I've been through a lot in my life… okay, fine maybe just that tiny one thing about being kissed by a Teletubby and stuff… Anyway, that's not the point. The point _IS _that I've never felt so scared since I'm being physically brutalized by the purple Teletubby. **

**Anyway, I'll just jot down whatever I have to whoever that's stupid enough to be conned into living in this freaky apartment after me… ha-ha… serve you right for taking advantage of the cheap rent, you bastard. **

**I've been investigating the massacre that took place seven years ago in which ten people were mysteriously murdered in ten days… you do your math. As the saying goes, a murder a day, keeps the doctor busy away… ha-ha… Anyway, although they were all being killed in a different and creative way, but somehow, I felt that the M.O sucked as they all die with those ugly and gaudy numbers written out-of-proportion on their body… yucks! **

**01121, 02121, 03121, 04121, 05121, 06121, 07121, 08121, 09121, 10121… **

**Dammit! I got a feeling that I'm 11121… Now, that's just gross! The number's so not cool, and not to mention that its not even my luck number… okay? Why can't they just use a stencil to write on the bodies? Its neater that way… Okay, enough said about me. God, I'm such a narcissist… Anyway, the name of the artistic killer was written in as well… **

**His name was… dun… dun… dun… dunnnn! Wolter Saliverman **

**April 4" **

"?" Henri thought. _"What's with this Wolter guy anyway? Why is it that everyone's talking about him? From the radio broadcast earlier... And now, this stupid note. Is he some American Idol or something?"_

He absent-mindedly slipped the note inside his pocket and decided to head back into the portal hole in the bathroom, since he had already answered to his nature calls, uh… well, when he woke up in bed just know.

* * *

Androol moaned as he slowly gained consciousness. He slowly strained open his eyes as he wiped away the foam off of his mouth. _"Where am I? What the hell happened?" _

He looked around the place when suddenly, he remembered. "Spider! Where the fuck is that fucking spider?" He quickly took a glance over at the wall on the opposite. And to his astonishment, the spider was not there.

"GAH! Where is it? Where is it?" He panicked.

Androol immediately sat up from the floor and his eyes darted high and low as he frantically searched around the cell. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, the spider jumped onto his face.

Androol screamed.

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The voice of Adrool DeSickman echoed loudly through the deserted Water Jail. 

Henri jumped and looked around. "Dammit! What in the name of motherfucking shit was that?" He retorted.

He then briskly disregards the horrible screams and made his way towards a ladder in the middle of an open space and headed up.

Henri found himself in a surveillance room of some sort. He looked around the place and found himself staring at 269, 517, 637 monitors recording the footage from spy cameras installed all over the Water Jail facility. He took a closer look at the screen of the monitors to see various images ranging from the common shower room, the kitchen, some private rooms, freezer, cells, and even the rubbish dump.

Then, from one of the monitors, Henri saw that gutless lardass smashing his face on the cell wall to get rid of the cute little spider on his face.

"Stupid fool…" He said to himself.

Henri found a piece of paper with ugly handwritings stuck on the wall with tapes next to the monitor and picked it up to read.

**"Meh! This place rots… literally. The locks on the doors to some cells are so fucked up that they could no longer be opened. Those ignorant pesky brats do not know that they are trapped in their own cells, but anywho, the less they know about that, the better. **

**I can still monitor them from this fucking spy-cam monitoring room… tee-hee… to see them writhe into lumps of waste and die in their cells, with neither shower nor food… its _FUN_! **

**One stupid Engineer proposed that we solve the problem the tedious way, by digging holes underneath the cells so that the floors could be rotated to align these fucking holes to rid of the bodies with discrete. SHEESH! _ARE THEY CRAZY_? Who's gonna do the digging? The elves? No! Its us! Dammit! Its easy for them to just _say_ it… but fuck! We are the ones digging… those bastards! **

**p.s. Dearest Chief, I know that you are desperate to see the Die Room behind the kitchen and the things we have done to the little spoilt brats… tee-hee… its good, I tell you! Anywho, all you've got to do is to align all the beds in the cells with urine stains and jump through the miserable holes, which we have dug, and… _VOILA_! **

**p.p.s. Oops! I forgot… I sincerely don't mean it as an insult… you see, I don't think you could ever enter the Die Room because you are naturally born without eyeballs and fingers. That means you won't pass the retina scan and fingerprint identification authentication procedure… yeah, that sucks, I know… but too bad, Chief!" **

Henri simply chucked away the forsaken piece of paper inside his pocket and made his way up all the way to the top level.

Upon arriving at the third floor, after passing more monitoring equipment and recording devices scattered all over the entire building, Henri managed to find yet another piece of badly written note on the wall of the third floor Spy-Camera Monitoring Room.

**"The lucky number for the door to the Die Room is 0-3-6-1-8-7-5-2-9-4-6-3-1-7-8-2-4-8-2-2-8-1-9-0." **

_"What the fuck?" _He exclaimed. "Who in the right mind would have thought of such an unearthly code? I mean, its not user friendly… not to mention, it damn hard to remember. Besides, what's so great about this so-called Die Room anyway? "

Henri then looked around the place for a way to free that lardass from the cell. As he scanned around the room packed with loads of monitoring equipment, he saw a rusty steering wheel in the middle.

He happily walked over to the wheel, only to see an instruction note written next to it.

**"Turn wheel to align holes and open cell doors." **

"Cell doors, eh?" He wondered.

And so, he proceeded to give the wheel a couple of turns before he went down to the Spy-Camera Monitoring room below. Henri then did the same thing to the steering wheel on the second floor Spy-Camera Monitoring Room as well as the one on the first floor.

* * *

(Back at the cell...) 

The lock on his cell door clicked open. Androol stopped his struggle with the spider on his face and looked up to realize that the cell door was now unlocked. Androol heaved a sigh of relief. He was now a free man! _"I'm free! I'M FREE!" _He thought. "YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" He gave a loud cheer.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he accidentally swallowed the spider.

* * *

Henri watched Androol staggered painfully towards the open cell entrance through the surveillance monitor in the Spy-Camera Monitoring Room on the first floor. _"Strange… why is Androol behaving as though he is choking or something?" _He wondered. 

Henri shrugged. He then happily made his way to the basement of the building through the ladder.

* * *

(Meanwhile...) 

Androol choked and gagged as he made his way out of the cell. His face was soon turning blue with the spider stuck in his throat.

"Ack… mmf… ack!" He gagged.

Androol staggered around the basement, desperately grasping for air, when he saw a shadow right in front. "Ack… mmf… ack!" He pleaded, as he continued to drag himself forward.

The person in front of him slowly stepped out from the shadow. It was a little boy.

"Ack… mmf… ack… bletck!" He managed to whiz through his blocked windpipe, as he knelt down in front of the little boy.

The little boy continued to stare blankly at him, as he furiously dug at his nostrils.

* * *

Henri descended the ladder from the first floor of the Spy-Camera Monitoring Room. He found himself back at the dark and clammy, eerie basement. As he turned around, he saw Androol, back facing him, kneeling in front of a little boy. 

_"Eh? Isn't that the same boy I met in the Cemetery?" _He wondered. _"AH! I get it… they must be playing some kind of stupid game… I'll just go over and give them a surprise… tee-hee…" _

Henri slowly walked towards the duo and he jumped on them, giving Androol a big slap on his back. "SURPRISE!"

The impact from Henri's slap on his back made Androol coughed out the body of the spider. And the little boy, upon seeing the gore coming out from the fat man's mouth, ran away in shock.

"Eh? Why'd that kiddo ran away? Whacha you two playing, huh? Can I join? Please?" Henri asked, as his vision slowly moved to the disgusting lump of black mess on the floor. "Eeeew! And what the fuck is that? And did that just came from your mouth?"

Androol coughed for quite a long while before he managed to speak. "T-thank you, Henri… I-I… I, thank you…"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Henri asked.

"I almost choked myself to death by that eeky spider…" He said, pointing at the black stuff on the floor.

"What? You meant you ate that spider?" Henri immediately squirmed away from him.

"No. And why would I do that? I just happened to swallow it by, uh… by accident." Androol replied.

"Yeah, nice try fatso…" He said. "You animal killer!"

"No! I swear… I didn't eat that disgusting spider…"

"Whatever… so, what's with that kid?" Henri asked.

"W-what kid? I don't know what you are talking about…" Androol answered. "… I-I… I did not swallow any children… I swear!" He continued, looking away nervously.

"Huh? What the hell are you blabbering about eating children? I was talking about the little boy here with you just now and… WAIT! Did you just mention something about eating children?" Henri asked.

"Wha-? Who? Me? Ha-ha…" Androol laugh in an awkward manner. "I-I… I don't eat… uh… children… I mean, they are deliciou… um… _cute_. So, why would I eat them?" He forced a fake smile.

"Okay…" Henri said, still staring at him suspiciously. "So, what's with that kid I saw just now standing in front of you here? Who is he?"

"Oh, you mean Wolter? He's just a boy from the House of Dorks… but they placed him under the Water Jail here because of his obsession in digging his nose…"

"He's Wolter?" Henri gasped.

"Yeah… you know him?" The fat man asked. "I wouldn't get close to him if I were you… because that little brat is nothing but trouble. From what I know, he's a weird little kid who's into some mumbo dumbo stuff…"

"Huh? What mumbo dumbo stuff?" Henri asked.

"Well, for one, he liked to feed whatever he had dug out from his nostrils to any unsuspicious people…"

"Hmm… I think I've encountered that before back at the cemetery…" Henri said.

_"Psst…and I heard that he also liked to dig at his anus…" _Androol whispered at Henri's ear.

"HE WHAT?" Henri gasped in shout.

"Shhhhhhhhh! Are you trying to get me into trouble?" Androol looked around with frightened eyes.

"Alright, fine…" Henri said.

"Look, I think we'd better look for a way to get the hell out of this fucking place." Androol said.

"What do you mean _'we'_?" Henri said.

"Huh? Aren't we supposed to escape from this place together?" Androol asked.

"No offense, but you'll only slow me down, chubbyboy…" Henri snickered. "…and besides, I think I could run faster and my chances of survival would be much higher if I were to escape by myself…"

"WHY YOU SELFISH BASTARD!" Androol scowled.

"Thanks. I take that as a compliment." Henri said. "Now, why don't you just buzz off?"

"Fine! I'll find the way out by myself!" Androol said to him, before turning his back away from him and walked away.

"Byeee!" Henri waved like a retard.

"Go rot in hell!" Androol replied, giving him the middle finger.

* * *

(Moments later…) 

Henri peeped over the hole next to the urine-stained bed and hesitated. Although he knew that this would be his only way to find out more about the mysterious _Die Room_, Henri wasn't so sure if he would survive the jump.

_"Relax… its just a little jump…" _A little devil version of himself suddenly poof-ed out from nowhere told him. _"Moreover, you are not gonna die… maybe you'll break every single bones in your body, or maybe suffered from brain damage and become a vegetable… but you are definitely not gonna die." _

Then, an angel version of Henri also poof-ed right next to him and said, _"Curiosity kill the cat!" _

_"Shut the fuck up, jackass…" _The devil-ish Henri screamed as it flew over to strangle the angel Henri. The Angel version of Henri quickly took out a taser and sent millions of gigawatt through the body of the devil-ish Henri.

And poof-rd, the Devil version of Henri was gone.

_"Now, please Henri… don't jump..." _The Angel version of Henri said.

Henri nodded and decided not to take the risk plunging through the bottomless pit in front him. But unfortunately, as he slowly backed away from the hole, he somehow lost his footings and slipped over a puddle of urine on the floor, sending him falling down the hole.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed.

Henri fell to the second floor, banged his head on the hard concrete in the process before he rolled along the urine-filled floor and down into the hole.

"Oof… ouch… ouch… AHHHHH… ouch… oof…"

He landed on the first floor cell and slipped off from the edge of the hole and once again, he fell headlong into the hole.

"Oof… AHHHHHHHH… ouch… oof… ouch… AHHHHHHHH…"

Henri continued his girly screams until he had landed hard on the dirty floor of the kitchen with a heartbreaking wrenching sound and an unearthly thud.

And then, the Water Jail was silent once again.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own all proprietar-ied, copyright-ed, trademark-ed stuff in this chapter. I'm just doing some promotion for them, free-of-charge. So, don't sue me. 

**A/N: **Thank you all kind souls for your support, support, and more support. I know that I've been rather slow in my updates… so sorry. Anyway, after many sleepless nights and sacrificing many of my braincells, here's the latest installment of Shuddup Hill 4… Hope you people will like it. Reviews please!


	7. Chapter 7: Attack of the Clones

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version**

**Chapter 7: Attack of the Clones **

_The little boy was scared. He squirmed and whined like a scared puppy. Sitting by the corner of the room, he could feel the familiar wet sensation inside his pants. _

_"Mommy?" He cried out. "Mommy… where are you?" _

_The dark shadow was coming nearer. The pungent smell of shit was getting stronger every minute. _

_"Mommmmmmmy!" He cried. _

_The shadow then came to the light. It was the purple Teletubby. _

_"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The boy screamed. _

_"Now Henri, stop crying like a big wussy." The Teletubby said, with a wicked grin on its purple face. _

_"Huh? H-how'd you k-know my name?" Little Henri asked, between sobs. _

_"That, you don't have to know about… For you have sinned, my child… and I'm here to haunt you…" The purple blob said, as it giggled like a retard. _

_"What s-sins?" Little Henri asked again. _

_"Remember your sins, and your true self, you little rascal!" The Teletubby replied. "Because, its payback time!" _

_The purple freak then went crazy and giggled in a very gay way as it began to strip dance its way towards the frightened little child sitting at the far end of the room, in a corner peeing and crapping himself like hell. _

_"Ooh… look-it this!" The pervert Teletubby happily announced, as it pulls down its underpants and pointed to a disgusting-looking wrinkled organ between his legs. "Its my little purple penis!" _

_The Teletubby then peed at him. _

_Little Henri screamed. _

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, as he jerked himself up from the dream.

He had had that stupid dream for every single night since his childhood days, but somehow, the dreams had disappeared mysteriously when he reached his puberty age. Henri began to feel his childhood fear coming back to him as his worst nightmare has once again returned to haunt him. He tried hard to figure out the true meaning the dream but to no avail. After thinking for a long while, he decided to put the matter aside for he had a much more urgent issue to handle at the moment.

Henri looked around the deserted place and scratched at his head. _"What the hell happened? How long have I been unconscious?" _He asked himself. He suddenly remembered about his horrible fall. About that fucking moron AnDrool DeSickman. And about that pesky little nose-digging-feeding-shit Wolter kid. Henri then looked at his entire body for any visible broken bones or bruises, but there were none. _"Eh? What the fuck? Maybe this IS a dream after all…" _

Henri suddenly found the thought that all of this was just a dream vaguely familiar. Then he remembered. It was Sinthia. That dead chick. Henri could still remember her non-stop gibberish about all that had happened were just a dream. Now, he was beginning to understand what she really mean.

He clumsily pushed himself up from the dirty floor and stare at the filthy room. It somewhat resembled a kitchen of some sort. Henri slowly walked across the room towards the far end of the kitchen where a door could be seen, with a strong beam of white light illuminating it.

_"Hmm… this must be the door to the Die Room…"_ He thought. "Eh, what's this on the door?"

Upon closer observation, he came to realize that it was another placard with the ugly words **"Peeping Placard"** written on it.

However, just as he had managed to peel the placard off from the door, he heard some noise coming from inside the room.

"Eh? Is somebody inside? Hello?" He asked.

* * *

AnDrool found himself staring in astonishment at the interior of the Die Room. "So this is the Die Room everybody's talking about…" He said.

Suddenly, he heard a voice shouting from behind the door.

"Is somebody inside? Hello?" The voice asked.

"GAH!" AnDrool jumped. "W-who's that?"

"Huh? Is that you, fatguy?" The voice asked.

"HEY! Stop calling me names… it hurts." AnDrool replied. "I'm not fat… I'm j-just… just stubby!"

"Yeah, right… tell me about it, fatass." The voice replied with sarcasm.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" AnDrool asked.

"Its me, Henri!" Henri said.

"Henri?" AnDrool repeated.

"Yes, Henri."

"Oh, so you are Henri?"

"Yes, now stop repeating like a parrot and open this fucking door and let me in, you selfish bastard…" Henri commanded. "… you don't own the Die Room, dammit!"

"I-I… I can't…" AnDrool said.

"Oh yeah? And why is that so?" Henri asked, sounding a little impatient.

"There's no knob on this side of the door." AnDrool replied.

"There's no WHAT?" Henri screamed.

"_Knob_. You know, it's a little handle-like thing that is attached to the door so that you could ope-" AnDrool said.

"I KNOW WHAT A FUCKING _KNOB_ IS, YOU MORON!" Henri interrupted.

"Alright, fine. So what you need to do now in order to come in would be via the pin code, retina scan and finally the fingerprint authentication process... you _do _have the pin number, don't you?" AnDrool asked.

"Yes, I have the pin code with me…" Henri said. "… but how the fuck am I going to proceed with the retina scan and fingerprint authentication process? I mean, I'm not even from this place, let alone having my retina and fingerprint records for the authentication…"

"Oh, that... " AnDrool said. "Its actually quite simple. This system was written in such a way that the retina scan and fingerprint authentication process may be overwritten if you enter the correct code _ten _times in a row."

"WHAT? THIS PIN CODE IS SO FUCKING LONG… ITS GONNA TAKE ME YEARS BEFORE I COULD EVEN GET IT CORRECT TEN TIMES IN A ROW!" Henri scowled.

AnDrool sweatdrop.

* * *

(Moments later…)

Henri activated a red flip switch next to the door to initiate the security locking system.

"Please deposit all metallic items into the security box." A female computer voice buzzed.

"Huh? What the-" Henri quizzed.

"Please deposit all metallic items into the- oops! Sorry, wrong message... please hold while system re-initiates." A female computer voice buzzed again. "Shuddup Hill data loading in progress, please hold on…"

(Crappy music playing through the speaker)

Henri crossed his arms and tapped at his foot impatiently while he waited for the system to reboot.

"Data loaded successfully." The irritating female computer voice echoed. "Please enter the pin number."

Henri then attempted to enter the series of numbers at the number pad in front of him. However, thanks to the extremely long pin number,and Henri's clumsy fingers, he failed to get the set of numbers right.

"Wrong pin number. Access denied." The female computer voice announced.

He continued pressing furiously at the numbers on the number pad.

"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."

"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."

"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."

* * *

AnDrool slowly walked around the metal walkway as he stared at the gruesome excretion-smeared walls inside the Die Room. The horrid stench coming from the excretion pool with lotsa floating shits underneath the walkway was making his stomach churn.

He continued to advance further into the room when all of a sudden, he heard some scratching sound and he turned around.

It was another freaky-looking spider.

AnDrool shrieked and he began to hyperventilate. He slowly backed himself away from the spider. "Stay away from me… please…"

* * *

"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied, you moron…" The female computer voice said. "… and for the 136,559,237th time, stop trying already… you are so stupid, I don't think you'll ever get the pin correct, dumbass!"

Henri felt hurt. His feelings soon turned into anger and he immediately took out the pipe and started smashing at the computerized system.

"Die… you fucking computer… DIE… DIEEEEE! MUWAHAHAHA!" Henri laughed maniacally.

"System malfunction… malfunction…" The female computer voice said.

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Henri laughed crazily.

"… malfunction… fuck you… fuck you… FUCKK YOUU!"

The system then came to a complete halt.

(Click)

The lock on the door to the Die Room was released and Henri happily pushed the door open and entered.

"Hey, Fatass!" Henri called out, as he stepped inside the room. "Where the fuck are you?"

Silence.

Then, from a distance, Henri saw a little spider at the middle section of the metal walkway.

"Hello, little spider… have you seen AnDrool? He goes by the look of an enormous fudge of human mass…" Henri asked politely.

"?" The spider scratched its head with one of its legs, and scuttle away.

"Stupid spider." Henri retorted, with a spat. He then continued to explore around the stinky room with all the excretions and stuff everywhere when suddenly, he saw something blobbing in the excretion pool like a buoy.

"Holy gracious motherfucker! AnDrool's _DEAD_! His poor body's so badly bloated that…" He gasped in shock. "…um… no wait…" Henri paused, as he walked up to the corpse for a closer observation. "… oh, he's not bloated… he's just fat."

Nonetheless, he managed to see the numbers **18121 **written on AnDrool's fat tummy.

A beam of bright light once again enveloped them.

_"Not this stupid white light again…" _Henri groaned.

* * *

Henri woke up all soaking with his own urination. He lazily changed to another identical set of clean clothes and went out into the living room.

As he had just about finish stuffing the Peeping Placard inside the storage box when he heard the buzzer to his apartment door rang once again.

Henri quickly walked over to the door and looked into the peep hole on the door.

It was his neighbor, Elyne and the Super.

"So, how's it going with Room 302, Crank?" Elyne finally asked the Super. "Did you manage to open it up?"

"No… I mean, I _did_ try to open this fucking door just now but it seemed like the door is being locked from inside." Crank replied.

"Maybe you could try to break down the door with some dynamite sticks…" She suggested. "I happen to have some inside my apartment though."

"WHAT? DYNAMITE STICKS?" Crank screamed hysterically.

"Hey! Relax, old man." She replied in an as-a-matter-of-factly manner. "Watch out for your cholesterol level, man."

Crank sweatdrop.

"Look here bitch, clause number 2.6.6.7 of the apartment lease clearly states that no explosives and ammunitions shall be used within the apartment premise." Crank said.

"Ha-ha…" She giggled and looked away in a nervous manner. "Um… did I say dynamite sticks? I… uh, I-I… I meant _bread sticks_… ha-ha… um… you want some?" Elyne fluttered, looking around nervously.

"Okay…" He replied, still staring at her suspiciously. "… thanks but no thanks."

Silence.

"Anyway, this is not the first time already." The Super finally broke the silence.

"Oh, you mean someone else offered you some dyna-… um… _bread_ sticks before?" Elyne asked.

"No, you dumb broad. Its this apartment I'm talking about…." Crank blabbered, pointing at Room 302. "… and the funny guy who lived here before."

"Huh? How's that?" Elyne quizzed.

"Yeah, I'd like to hear you explain, you son-of-a-bitch!" Henri shouted from inside the apartment.

"Well, that guy… um… he gave me… uh, this circumcised foreskin he found in the apartment for Christmas many years back." Crank hushed

"That's gross…" Elyne whined.

"He _WHAT_?" Henri shouted in disbelief, from behind the closed door.

"Anyway, the funny thing is that the… the, uh… the foreskin is starting to smell."

"What do you mean it smel-" She remarked. "Wait… you mean you still keep that disgusting stuff with you? Even after all these years?"

Crank nodded.

"Where the hell did you keep it?" Elyne questioned him.

"Under my pillow, of course." Crank said.

"That's super gross, Crank. Don't you even know anything about personal hygiene? "

"B-but I-I… I thought they said that there would be fairies who would drop by in the middle of the night to trade the foreskin with some gold coins or something…" Crank said.

"Who the fuck told you about that, Crank? Besides, only the Tooth-Fairy trade loose teeth for coins… I've never heard of any _Foreskin Fairies_ before…" Elyne snickered.

"Huh? What the-? DAMN THAT RUDOLPH BRAINDEAD.! THAT PRICK… HOW DARE HE TRICK ME! I'M GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD!" Crank screamed.

With that he stormed down the hallway, with Elyne chasing after him. "Wait… wait up, Crank… so can I take a look at that foreskin? Can I? Huh? Huh? Come on… " Elyne pleaded.

Henri sweatdrop.

* * *

Henri once again went back inside the bathroom only to see that the mysterious hole on the wall had gotten even bigger than before.

And so, he did what other senseless people would have done. He climbed into the hole.

* * *

(Later…)

Henri woke up finding himself in a back alley. He then walked down the fairly dark alley and descended down some flight of stairs.

_"Eh? This place looked like the outside of North AssFeeld… am I back already? Am I free at last?" _He wondered, as he walked around the platform of the top of a building when suddenly, he heard a scream from above.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The voice screamed. "Catch me! CATCH MEEEEE!"

Henri looked up just in time to see a falling person above him and he immediately shrank away.

(SPLAT!)

"Ouch dammit!" The person cried.

"Hello." Henri said, grinning gleefully as he waved like an idiot.

The person quickly pushed himself up from the ground and shot him an unwelcoming glare.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH ME JUST NOW?" He said, angrily.

"Are you nuts? You could have squashed me flat with that fucking body of yours." Henri replied.

"Why you-!" He lunged forward and grabbed him by the shirt while he shoved his gun into Henri's mouth.

"Weaph ont heel mwe…" Henri mumbled, with the gun inside his mouth.

"Speak up, you punkass…" The person said. "… now, tell me who the fuck are you?"

"Umph henmwee."

"What?"

"Umphhh henmweeeee."

"Speak up, you sick fuck!" The person commanded.

Henri then pointed to the handgun in his mouth as he signalled to the person for him to remove the weapon away.

"Fine…" The person sulked, and removed his firearm away. "Now, speak up, you fool!"

"My name is Henri."

"Hmmm… why does that name sounded so damn familiar?" He paused as he scratched at his head with the tip of his gun. "Wait…" The person cocked his weapon and pointed the gun directly at Henri's head. "… are you that gay, loser neighbor who lived opposite my apartment?"

"I'm _NOT _gay!" Henri retorted.

"So, you really are that disgusting faggot from room 302…" He said, as he removed the gun from Henri's head. "I'm Braindead. Rudolph Braindead, from Room 207 of North AssFeeld Heights."

"I told you before, I'm not gay, dammit!" Henri argued.

"Sure you are…" The guy snickered, rolling his eyes over. "… anyway, if you are here, then there's something really wrong with the apartment… and this must be what had happened to the other journalist guy who lived in the apartment before you as well…"

"Huh? So, what happened to him?"

"Well, he just vanished one fine day. Evaporated. Gone. Disappeared…"

"Okay, I get it." Henri said. "So, what are you driving at?"

Rudolph told him. "Well, at first, I thought that he was just trying to elope with his other gay lovers. He even tried to bribe the Super with that flimsy little filthy foreskin. God knows where he had gotten it. I truly hope that its not his… or maybe its from one of his boyfriends. Anyway, I could still remember that he had gotten pretty much psychotic and perverted towards the end by locking himself up inside his own room… just like you, gayboy."

"I'M . NOT . GAY!" Henri sputtered.

"Whatever…" Rudolph said.

"By the way, there's this cute kid boy around here somewhere and just be caref-" Henri warned.

"Oh gross, don't tell me he's your imaginary gay friend or something… no wait, I-I… I don't wanna know anything about it, you sick fuck. The thought of you doing a little boy is just… EWWWWW!" Rudolph screamed in disgust. "THAT'S SICK, MAN!

Henri sweatdrop.

"You know what? I'm gonna just get the fuck out of this place." Rudolph continued, as he turned around and headed for the door behind him.

Henri started to follow him.

"Hold on!" Rudolph immediately stopped him. "I don't want other people to mistake us for a couple. That's sick! Now, stop following me and go find your own way out of here."

"B-but…"

"Now, run along… your mama's calling you behind you…" Rudolph said, as he whisked him away with his hand.

"Huh? My m-mama? Where?" Henri asked, turning his head around.

Rudolph quickly ran and exited through the nearby door.

"Where's m-" Henri asked again, when he suddenly turned back to find Rudolph long gone. He realized that he had been tricked by Rudolph.

"Damn that big, fat liar!" Henri cursed angrily.

"Yes. And so are you, Henri." A mysterious voice called out to him from behind.

"What the-?" Henri quickly whirled around. "GAH! TELETUBBY!"

"Hello, Henri." The purple creature waved at him, as it wriggled its chubby purple fingers in the air.

"W-why are you doing this to me? W-what do you want from me?" Henri writhed in agony.

"Tsk… tsk… tsk…" The purple creature snickered. "Don't you remember?"

Henri shook at his head.

"You have been having those recurring dreams again, haven't you?"

"You mean the dream about me as a child and you peeing on me?"

The Teletubby nodded.

"What the hell was that?" Henri asked.

"You tell me, Henri…" The creature said.

"But I… I-I, I don't know…" Henri cried.

"You ignorant fool! Well then, I guess you shall have to learn things the _hard _way… muwahahahaha…" The Teletubby giggled.

_"What 'hard way' is this fucker talking about?" _Henri thought in his mind. "Uh, is it gonna be like painful or something? Do I have to like kill somebody? Seriously, I've never even killed an ant and-" He asked innocently.

"SHUT UP!" The purple thing commanded, as it slowly walked up to him. "Stop being such a bitch."

"Who are you calling a bitch, bitch?" Henri retaliated back. "At least I'm not the gay one here!"

Henri did not know what the hell that gay Teletubby was referring to. In fact, he was so dense, he doesn't even know anything. He just knew that he had to get away from this lunatic gay freako in front of him. And fast. He had to think of something to distract the Teletubby.

"Um… I think your mama's calling behind you." Henri repeated the same trick from Rudolph.

"Where?" The Teletubby turned its head around.

Henri quickly made his way towards the door as fast as his legs could carry him.

* * *

(Somewhere inside the apartment building…)

Moaning sounds.

"Hello?" Henri asked.

Moaning sounds.

"Anyone there?" He continued asking.

Henri soon found himself inside an apartment. The interior of the place was beautifully decorated with confetti and balloons. In the centre of the room, Henri saw a half-eaten cake and lotsa nicely wrapped presents being laid on the table.

More moaning sounds.

"Huh? What the fuck was that?"

Henri slowly walked forward to find himself staring at the sickly sight of a purple Teletubby lying with its tummy facing up on the floor behind the table, with a gold arrow piercing through its groin. The purple creature was moaning erotically as it madly turned and tossed on the floor as though it was having the ultimate orgasm of its lifetime.

"What the fuck? How come this stupid thing looked exactly like that ass-face purple freak from outside just now? How many of these gay Teletubbies are there anyway?" Henri groaned.

Upon a closer look, Henri saw that the Teletubby had no belly button. _"Huh? No belly button?"_ He wondered. _"If this fucking freak doesn't have any belly button, then it must be… dun… dun… dun… dunnnnn… A CLONE!" _

True enough, Henri somehow managed to discover a barcode around the pubic area with visible print that read, **"Clone No. 3,199"**.

As the pathetic purple creature moaned erotically and turned and tossed itself around on the floor, it somehow revealed a key glistening brightly on the floor underneath its cholesterol-filled, fat ass.

"Ooh… bling bling! Henri loves bling bling!" Henri drooled. He quickly pulled out the gold arrow out of the Teletubby's groin and shoved the creature aside and grabbed the key from underneath its ass.

Just as he was trying to take out the key from under the Teletubby's ass, Rudolph suddenly popped out of nowhere.

"Uh, excuse me sir, may I know where is the washroo-" Rudolph asked, as he came out from a nearby bedroom door of the apartment. "GAH! HENRI! WHAT THE SICK FUCK ARE YOU DOING REACHING DOWN AT THE ASS OF THAT POOR LITTLE CREATURE?" He screamed in disgust.

"N-no… Rudolph, its not what you think… I-I… I, Rudolph, I was just trying to reach in-" Henri explained, as he reached out for him.

"You PERVERT! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH YOUR FILTHY HANDS!" Rudolph shouted like a crazy man. "TOUCH ME AND YOU DIE!" He threatened Henri with his gun as he slowly moved away from him before he ran and hid back inside the bedroom.

"… for the key." Henri's words came to a mere hush, with the shiny key still in his hand, as he saw Rudolph slamming the bedroom door in his face.

Unknown to him, with the arrow plucked out of the cloned Teletubby's groin, the purple creature was beginning to float towards him.

Henri managed to turn around just in time to see the creature approaching him and he gave out a girly scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri immediately banged on the bedroom door for Rudolph to open up. "Rudolph! Its me, Henri… open up this door!"

"I'm straight! Now, leave me alone, you pervert monster…" Rudolph shouted from inside.

"Rudolph! Hurry up… he's coming! HE'S COMING!" Henri screamed.

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOUR EXPLICIT SEXUAL STUFF ABOUT YOUR GAY LOVER COMING... OR, OR... YOU COMING! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Henri sweatdrop.

"That's not what I meant… I,I-" Henri stopped. "Oh nevermind."

He quickly ran for the apartment door and fed his hands on the knob. However, it was locked tight.

"GAH!" Henri squealed like a slaughtered pig.

Suddenly, he remembered about the shiny key he had taken from that freaky cloned Teletubby and looked at it. On the tag were the words, **"Door Key!"**.

Henri was almost ecstatic. He immediately used the key on the door and opened it before he slammed it behind him.

"Damn those fucking Teletubbies! Damn Rudolph! Damn Konami!" Henri cursed. _"Wait! Why am I cursing Konami?" _He thought. He did not know why the bloody hell did he cursed Konami. He just felt like cursing everything at that moment in time and Konami seemed to be a catchy word that came across his mind. "Oh whatever…"

Just as he was about to walk away from the door, he realized that there was something else in his hand. "Oh yeah, what's about this stupid arrow thing-y anyway?"

Henri took a glance at the gold arrow in his hand to find the following words beautifully crafted in gold on the stem of the arrow.

**"Arrow of Obesity"**.

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** Silent Hill and its series are still owned by Konami. What? No. I don't own the Teletubbies. What a horrible thing to say.

**A/N: **Salutations, everyone. I'm really glad that you kind souls are enjoying my work. Thank you for those who have reviewed and those who have not. However, I'm still tremendously traumatized with the heavy loads of schoolwork I've been assigned. I can't breathe. I'm choking with all the reports and projects on hands. I hate school. And I know that the school hates me too. Ha-ha… okay, so finally, I've managed to put up yet another chapter for your viewing pleasure, and I hope its readable. Please do forgive me if it seemed sloppy. So, you know what to do… R&R.


	8. Chapter 8: Sidekick from RE

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 8: Sidekick from RE **

After his horrendous encounter with the Teletubby clone goons, Henri soon arrived at a sports shop with the name of the shop in neon letterings that read, **FLUCKER's Sports Shop**. However, the letter 'L' was not lit, making the name of the shop spelt 'FUCKER's' instead.

Henri slowly walked inside the shop and past the many shelves and containers, with his eyes darting nervously around at the shop's interior. He was happily hopping around the deserted shop like an idiot, he suddenly saw something so scary, it almost made him scared the shit out of his life.

Bats!

On the wall opposite from where he was standing, was a sign with the words, **"Aluminum Bats"**. Henri's heart almost skipped a beat. _"B-bats? They even have those vicious-looking, blood-sucking b-bats… here? I-I… I wonder if they bite? Oh god, I don't want to turn into a blood-sucking vampire or anything… S-H-I-T!" _He thought. Henri had always been scared of bats in his entire life. In fact, he's scared of anything that sucked blood. Yes, and that meant tampons too. Henri's even frightened by the mere sight of those ultra-absorbent tampons.

"GAH!" He screamed, when he stole a glance at the insides of the container housing those aluminum bats but soon stopped only when he realized that the sign referred to baseball bats. "Oh…" He muttered sheepishly. Nonetheless, Henri had decided to pick out an aluminum bat from the container to defend himself in case he were to encounter more of those disgusting gay Teletubbies.

Oh, how he hated those fucking miserable homo-oversized purple faggots.

**_

* * *

_**

(Later…)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri was being chased along the aisles inside a pet store. He screamed like a little girl as he ran like hell and dodged at the many freaky-looking zombies. Yes, you heard right. The living undeads. Probably some escaped rotting juveniles from Resident Evil.

Henri soon found himself cornered by many of the rotting bastards. The moaning jackasses was now beginning to near him as they surrounded him left, right, front, and back, leaving no room for him to escape. _"GAH! What to do? What to doooooo?" _Henri thought, as he cried and whimpered like a true, big pussy.

"Oh shut the fuck up, you sissy!" A voice suddenly called out.

"Eh?" Henri quickly looked up.

The zombies moaned as they looked around. (Translation: What the fuckety-fuck was that?)

(BANG! BANG! BANG!)

One by one, the zombies disintegrated to lumps of rotting flesh as they exploded into a crimson of red, right in front of Henri's face, and fell to the floor in bundles. Their spleens and other organs were splattered all over his face.

"GAH!" Henri screamed, like a five-year-old girl and collapsed to the floor.

"Are you okay?" The voice echoed.

Henri only managed to see a faint shadow approaching him before he finally succumbed to the dizzy spell in his head.

He had fainted.

**_

* * *

_**

(Moments later…)

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, jerking himself awake on the floor. He looked around the place to realize that he was still inside the pet store.

"I see you are awake, sissy boy…" A familiar voice said.

"AHHHH!" Henri screamed in fright. "W-who are you? A-and… and did you touch my sexy body while I'm unconscious?" He scowled.

The person sweatdrop.

"No." The person answered, rolling his eyes over. "I wouldn't _touch_ your disgusting and filthy body even if I'm paid a million bucks."

"Huh? You mean I'm worth that much money? Cool!" Henri drooled, his eyes twitching with pure excitement. _"Damn, I should have sold my body to that man-whore pimp that night…" _

The person cocked his weapon and aimed it right at Henri's balls. "Hey, are you drooling?"

"Uh… ha-ha... nothing…" Henri giggled. He stopped when he saw the gun pointing at his manhood. "I-I, I… Uh… a-anyway, who are you and how'd you even know I was even in here?" Henri asked the stranger.

"Well…" The man retracted his handgun away. "… I'm Redfield. Chris Redfield. I was here looking for my sister, Claire. I thought I heard her unearthly irritating bitchy scream in here and so I decided to come in to take a look."

"Wow! That's so touching…" Henri sobbed, almost choked at his own words. "To think you'd risk your life to save your little baby sister and-"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Chris interrupted. "I came in here to kill that little bitch."

"Wha-?" Henri gasped.

"Yeah, that bitch's been getting a little annoying. Always bossing me around the house, kicking at my groin when I'm asleep…" Chris said. "… and the worse part is, she filmed me when I was in the shower and broadcasted it on the web... _LIVE! _That bitch!"

Henri sweatdrop.

"So…" Chris continued. "… when I heard that sickening girly scream inside here, I thought I've finally found that whore and that's why I came in here to kill her, or at least I tried to."

"Are you saying I sound like a whore? Huh? Is that it? Do I really sound like a whore?" Henri shouted at his face.

"No offense, but you do sound a _L-I-T-T-L-E-E-E_ bit like that bitchy sister of mine." Chris replied.

_"ROARRRRRRRRR!" _Henri fumed. "If that's the case, why did you even want to come to this place to look for her then? You could jolly well leave her here to rot and die, right?"

"No. I can't. She had sent out a distress email from Rockfort Island to me, my mum and my dad… and they have been pestering me since then to come and look for her…" Chris said. "… dead and NOT alive, for me that is… Muwahahahaha…" He added, his eyes narrowing to a slit and laughed in a wicked manner.

"Chris, I can hear you…"

"Wha-?"

"I said, I can hear you… you are talking aloud about your scheming plot to rape and kill your own sister."

"D'oh!" Chris cried. "I-I…I… wait, did you just say I was gonna rape my sister?"

"Yeah…" Henri replied.

"B-but I don't remember saying that…" Chris said.

"Of course not, stop giving yourself credits, Chris." Henri chuckled. "I made that up…"

"What the fuck? For goodness sake, you sick baboon… she's my sister!" Chris shouted.

"So?"

"SO? ITS FUCKING INCEST!" Chris screamed.

"What's the big deal? You were going to kill your sister anyway…" Henri said, as-a-matter-of-factly.

_"Damn, I'm gonna kill him before he goes around telling other people about my scheme…" _Chris thought. _"… right after I kill that wretched bitch sister of mine… ha-ha…" _

"Why are you smiling, Chris?" Henri asked.

"Um… nothing… nothing…" Chris reassured. "HEY! Wait a minute… you haven't told me who the fuck are you? I need to know who you are!" Chris interrogated, once again pointing his handgun at Henri's balls.

"W-why?" Henri questioned, putting both his hands up in the air.

"So that I would know who I'm gonna kill… tee-hee…"

"Huh?"

"I-I, I… I mean _help_… yeah, so I know who I'm helping out here…" He faked a cheesy smile.

"Sounds cool… anyway, my name's Henri…" Henri said. "… and do you mind stop pointing your fucking gun at my balls? It could misfire, you know?"

"Okay…" Chris grinned. And then, the gun fired.

(BANG!)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chris screamed.

Fortunately, the bullet had missed Henri's private part by a mere inch.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" Henri shouted, shooting him an angry look.

"Sorry, my bad. I had a cramp on my finger." Chris lied, through gritted teeth. _"Damn, I can't believe I missed!" _His inner voice screamed.

Henri stood up from the floor and walked forward, with Chris tagging along behind him. "So, where'd you say your sister was?" Henri asked.

"Rockfort Island, I think…" Chris replied.

They stopped. "What? But this is North AssFeeld. What the fuck are you looking for your sister here?" Henri asked.

"I don't know, I guess I must have lost my way…" He said, scratching at his head with the handgun.

"B-but what about those zombies? They are not supposed to be here… I mean, they _ARE _Resident Evil property, aren't they? No wait, in fact, none of you Resident Evil characters' supposed to be in this place… you are all from CAPCOM!"

"Are you on any drugs?" Chris asked, looking at him suspiciously.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Look, whatever happened, happened. So, maybe I'll just stick around and maybe find my chance to kill my sister and then I'll kil… I mean, help you out in whatever you do. Okay?" Chris said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Well…" Henri tapped at his chin with his fingers while pondering at the possible options.

"I take it a yes, then…" Chris interrupted, almost too quickly.

"Whatever…" Henri said. "Man, I'm hungry…let's search for some food." And with that, Henri started to run down the aisle searching for some food to fill his stomach.

"Henri… hello! This is a pet store…" Chris reminded him.

"Oh, look-y here… there's some ration here…" Henri shouted, ignoring what Chris had said.

"What?" Chris rushed over. Upon closer observation, he saw that it was a pack of cat food.

Chris sweatdrop.

(KNOCK!)

"OW!" Henri cried in pain. "Why are you hitting my head? I could become stupid, you know?"

"But you already are, you dimwit." Chris told him. "Trust me... you can get any stupider when you already in your stupidest stage."

"Stop it, Chris… you are scaring me…" Henri cried. "You made it sound like cancer or some horrible disease."

Chris sweatdrop.

"So… um… is it contagious? I'm not gonna like suffer from any pain or something… would I?" Henri continued.

"Shut up!" Chris covered Henri's mouth with his hand and pushed him aside.

"Wait… wait!" Henri called after him.

"Now what?"

"There's something next to the ration." Henri said.

"Its cat food, dammit" Chris corrected him.

"Yeah, yeah… look, it's a key to the back door of that FUCKER's Sports Shop!" Henri cheered, as danced around like a fool with the key in his hand.

_"Of all the people, why am I stuck with a loser?" _Chris groaned. "Let's just go… Henri."

"Okayyyy… so do you want to get some take-aways? Huh? Huh? Do you?" Henri asked, pointing to the bags of cat food on the shelves.

"Shuddupshuddupshuddupshuddupshuddupshuddupshuddupshuddup!" Chris screamed.

**_

* * *

_**

So, after the duo managed to open the backdoor of the FLUCKER's Sports Shop with their new-found key, the two of them killed their way through more gay Teletubby clones before they arrived at a safe area.

Chris was trying hard to catch his breath while Henri ran over to a corner and puked.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Chris asked, panting hard.

"T-they are the gay Teletubby clones…" Henri replied, wiping away the trails of puke from his mouth. "… and they are multiplying by the moment."

"Gay, huh? That explained why I felt my butt being touched and slapped at several times…" Chris said. "… so do they bite? I mean, like zombies and stuff like that…"

"I-I don't know… all I know is that they make my head hurt."

(DING!)

The elevator next to them buzzed and opened its door.

Just then, a purple Teletubby suddenly appeared beside them. The duo screamed and immediately dashed inside the lift.

"Press the close button, Henri!" Chris shouted. "HURRY!"

"This one?"

"No, you idiot… that's the 'Door Open' button, you moron!"

"Okay… so is it this one?" Henri asked.

The light in the elevator went out.

"Sorry…" Henri said, as he tried another button. This time, the alarm sounded.

(RINNNNGGGGG!)

"Move away, Henri…" Chris pushed Henri away.

The Teletubby was now closing in on the elevator. Chris could hear its eerie evil giggles while Henri just squirmed at one corner whining at his headache.

Chris immediately rushed over to the control panel and pressed the 'Door Close' button and the door managed to close in time before the Teletubby managed to catch up with them.

"PHEW!" The two of them wiped at their sweat, as the elevator began to move.

As their elevator was moving up, Henri heard somebody's familiar sound conversing in the other elevator. He walked over the side of the elevator to see Rudolph in the other elevator...

**_

* * *

_**

Rudolph was walking around the deserted place. He shivered at the very thought of seeing Henri touching the poor thing. Rudolph was glad to be finally rid of the psycho bastard. He had managed to gotten himself out of the room through the window and he made his way along the stairs until he had arrived at a clearing.

(DING!)

The man jumped at the sound. Rudolph did not expect to find a working elevator in this place. Afterall, everything here seemed dead and none of the mechanical machineries work around here.

Except this elevator.

Rudolph happily walked inside the elevator. As the elevator was making its way down, he suddenly sensed someone standing behind him and turned around.

It was a little boy.

**_

* * *

_**

Henri could not help but overheard the conversation between the two of them.

"So, you must be that wretched little toy boy that he was talking about?" Rudolph teased.

The little boy just kept quiet and dug at his little nostrils.

"You lived in Henri's apartment too, huh? I bet I know all about you and that faggot Henri's dirty little secret." Rudolph bluffed, on the pretext of trying to get more information from the little boy.

The boy ignored him and continued digging at his nose.

Rudolph was beginning to get impatient. _"Why is this little kid so damn arrogant? So, he wanna play cool, huh? Well, he's met the wrong guy here!" _Rudolph thought.

"Say, you look kinda familiar… were you the one I caught sneaking in and out of that Henri's apartment naked in the middle of the night?" The man asked.

The boy proceeded to offer Rudolph the 'stuff' he had dug out from his nose.

"GAH! You are one sick little boy!" Rudolph screamed.

Just then, their elevator came to a stop and the boy quickly ran out through the opened door.

"Hey! Come back here, you brat!" Rudolph shouted after the boy, when he noticed some of the 'stuff' the boy had dug out from his nose had stained his shirt. "Fuck! Did you slimed my shirt with your disgusting shit? Come back here… you hear me? You are so gonna get it from me when I catch you!"

Rudolph immediately gave chase after the boy.

"What the hell?" Henri and Chris looked at each other, somehow rather amused at what they had seen.

It was then that their elevator came to a halt, and their elevator door opened…

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER:** No, this is not about a merger between Capcom and Konami. Its nothing personal, its just for the sake of humor. I also do not own Capcom and Konami, or whatever that's copyrighted.

**A/N: **I know its been a while since my last update, and so to cool off you kind souls out there, here's the latest chapter update. This part about Rudolph's story wasn't meant to be this long… yeah, I know, spanning more than two chapters, but I just don't know why I keep on writing, and writing, and writing… and still, Rudolph's not dead yet. Well, I'll try to put an end to his little arrogant life soon, hopefully by the next chapter… no serious, I really am gonna continue this story… REALLY! Hope you guys would stay tune to more fantastic tales and twisted endings… Oh, and before I forget, a BIG thanks to all who've read and/or reviewed my chapters so far. If you haven't, then you are dead! But don't worry, I'll be gentle… I promise. Alright, I won't rip your guts out… but I can't guarantee the safety of your spleens… ha-ha… just kidding. Do R&R. 


	9. Chapter 9: Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 9: Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer **

Henri and Chris found themselves staring at a rusty ladder from the opening of the elevator. "Oooooh… ahhhhhhh!" The two imbeciles drooled, as they approached the ladder in front of them.

(Poof.)

**_Do you wish to climb the ladder? (1) Yes? (2) No? (3) What is a Ladder? _**

"Eh, why are these funny words appearing below us?" Henri asked, scratching at his head. "And the third option seemed a little insulting..."

"Its just like Resident Evil… back then, they always ask stupid questions like if you want to do this? Or if you want to do that? To take the crest? Or to turn the crank handle? Do you want to eat? Or to operat-" Chris chimed excitedly.

"Okay, I get it…" Henri interrupted. "But, what's the third option got to do with this?"

"Its there in case some stupid moron doesn't know what a ladder is." Chris replied. _"Like you…" _He secretly mumbled in his mind.

"Fine, I tak… wait, did you mention _'eat' _earlier? T-there's food from where you came from?"

Chris sweatdrop.

"What do you mean '_where I came from_'? You've made Raccoon City sound as if its a place plagued with deadly diseases and viruses or something-" Chris stopped. He suddenly remembered that Raccoon City _IS _indeed plagued by viruses and diseases. "Oh…"

**Flashback… **

"Ohhhhhh…" The zombies moaned.

"Get away from me… you stinking rotting bastards!" Chris yelped like a little girl.

"Ohhhhhh…" The zombies continued to moan.

"GAH! Help me, mummy! HELP! I WANT MY MUMMY! I WANT MY MUMMY!" Chris screamed. "DAMN YOU T-VIRUS! DAMN YOU ROTTING ZOMBIES! DAMN YOU BLOODY WILLIAM BIRKIN!"

Chris then took out his trusty handgun and started blowing the brains out of the living undeads.

Rat-Tat-Tat-Rat-Tat-Tat-Rat-Tat-Tat…

**End of flashback. **

"What are you looking at, Chris?" Henri asked, looking at the empty space on the ceiling above where Chris was staring.

"My flashback." Chris replied.

Henri jawdrop.

And so, the two of them replied _"Yes" _and started to make their merry way to climb the ladder.

(Down the ladder… down the ladder… down the ladder…)

Henri and Chris soon found themselves arriving at the shower room. As they walked through the dimly-lit place, Henri found a Health Drink and he gave it to Chris.

(Poof.)

**_Do you wish to take the Health Drink? (1) Yes? (2) No? (3) What is a Health Drink? _**

"Here, take it…" Henri said, replying _'Yes' _and ignoring the third option.

"Uh, what the fuck is this?" Chris asked.

"It's a Health Drink and breakfast of the champion." Henri said gleefully.

"Um… its okay. I have my trusty o' herbs with me." Chris said, pulling out a variety of green, red, and blue vegetables out of his pockets.

"They look dead to me… especially the purple one."

"Its BLUE!"

"Whatever… vegetable man!" Henri snorted.

The two continued to argue as they walked down the path when suddenly, many disgusting-looking purple hands, resembling that of the gay Teletubby's, came out of the wall and they started to grabbed at them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They screamed.

Chris immediately began to fire at the freaky hands while Henri used his leg to try to stomp at the hands. But unfortunately, the hands were simply just too much for them to handle.

"What should we do?" Chris asked, as he fired at a purple hand reaching for Henri's butt.

"Chris, how'd you handle such situation at Raccoon City?" Henri asked.

"We don't have gay zombies back at Racco-" Chris tried to explain, but he was stopped abruptly by Henri's girly screams.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Henri screamed madly. "RAAPPPEEEE!"

Chris found himself watching Henri being grabbed and molested by twenty-over purple hands. Chris felt sick in the stomach. He wanted to puke. The sight before him was simply just too much for him to take. Then, in the midst of all the commotion, Chris remembered Ivy.

No, Ivy was not a person. It was a gigantic zombie plant with a pussy-like gushing slit that puked venom. He could still vaguely remember the monstrous plant's evil tentacles, which somehow resembled that of these purple hands.

"RAPE! Help me Chris… HELPPPP!" Henri continued to squirm.

"Hold on, Henri…" Chris shouted. _"What should I do? I've ran out of the SX-056 Plant Exterminator. What should I do? What should I do?" _

"CHRISSSS!" Henri screamed. "HURRY UP!"

_"Oh no… time is of the essence here… what the hell should I do in order to eliminate these fucking hands…" _Chris thought, when suddenly, an idea came to his mind. _"AHA! Maybe that'll do the trick!" _

Chris immediately ran forward and began to unzip his pants. Henri stared in awe, at the _thing _that Chris had pulled out of his pants. _"What the fuck is he doing?" _Henri thought. "Oh gross… is that your penis? Gosh, even my dog's productive organ is much longer than that!" Henri groaned. Chris simply dismissed the negativity remark and proceeded to do what he had planned.

"Wait… wait! What the fuck are you doing with that puny penis of yours?" Henri screamed.

"Don't panic, Henri. I may not have the SX-056 Plant Exterminator with me, but I've got my toxic urine to save you…" Chris roared. "DIE, YOU PATHETIC PURPLE HANDS… DIEEEE… MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And with that, Chris peed.

"ACK! Chris, your urine is all over me!" Henri shouted. "AIM, CHRIS! AIM PROPERLY… DAMMIT!"

The hands started to shrivel and withdrew back into the wall as Chris' yellowish urine was splattered onto them. Henri then fell onto the floor gagging and choking, as he tried to spat the horrid taste of urine out of his mouth.

"C-chris… why you… you…" Henri desperately clawed at his tongue.

"You are welcomed, Henri." Chris said. "Come on… we've got to make a move. This place gives me the creeps."

"?" Henri sweatdrop.

(Later…)

The two morons finally arrived at a pub. The large neon sign outside stated, **" North AssFeeld Pub"**.

"Sweet!" Henri cheered. "Let's go get ourselves drunk and party all night in our underwear!"

"?" Chris jawdropped. _"What the fuck?"_

But before Chris even had the chance to protest, Henri had already pulled him into the pub. "WOO-HOO! Kinky-kinky-party-here-we-come…" Henri sang happily.

The interior of the pub was deserted. As the duo made their way through the inside of the place, Henri moaned with disappointment. "What the fuck? Where the hell is everybody?"

"Hey, Henri… look over here!" Chris shouted, excitedly.

"What?" Henri asked, walking over.

Chris was pointing to something on the bar. Henri took a look at it and groaned, "NOOOO! The bottle is empty! There's no booze! NO BOOZE!"

Chris sweatdrop.

"Shut up, Henri!" Chris snapped. "I was referring to the piece of paper underneath the bottle."

"Oh…" Henri muttered, sheepishly as he picked up the piece of note off the bar to read.

**_"Our boss had come out with a secret 4-digit code to our pub's door. He said that it's so bloody secret that nobody could ever know it. It was so difficult to decipher and understood that nobody, and I mean nobody, would be able to guess it. In fact, the code was so perfectly hard to memorize, that till date, none of us can correctly enter the code. Not even the boss himself. _**

**_That moron." _**

"What the hell?" Chris said.

Henri walked towards the locked door at the far end of the room. He tried to pry open the door with his bare hands, but to no avail. "How the fuck are we going to get out now, if we don't have that code?" Henri asked.

Chris looked around the deserted pub when he spotted a rusty axe lying at the other end of the bar top. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Henri?" Chris beamed, glaring at the axe.

"Uh…" Henri murmured, as he thought for a while. "… no. What?"

Chris pointed at the rusty axe. "The axe, Henri… _the axe_!"

"Oh, the axe…" Henri replied. "… so, are we going to like give up right now and commit suicide?"

Chris sweatdrop. He couldn't believe the stupidity of the man standing before him. "Henri, we could use the _AXE _to break the door!"

"Breaking the door down with the axe, riiiggghhht… I was just thinking about that…" Henri said.

"Yeah…sure you were, Henri." Chris mumbled, shaking his head as he rolled his eyes over.

(Poof.)

**_Do you wish to take the Rusty Axe? (1) Yes? (2) No? (3) What is a Rusty Axe? _**

Chris simply replied _'Yes' _and walked over to the door with the axe to chop it open.

(CRASH!)

The door came crashing open. Henri and Chris both walked out from the pub only to find themselves, once again, in another stairway.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Holy fuck! What was that?" Henri shouted.

"Let's go find out." Chris said.

"Do we have to?" Henri moaned sadly.

(And so, after walking up 2,896,145,006 steps later…)

Henri and Chris finally arrived at the top of the stairway. Chris huffed and puffed out of breath while Henri leaned over and vomited.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The two of them looked up from where they were and realized that the unearthly screamed came from behind the door, marked **"207"**, next to them.

"Henri, you go in and take a look." Chris said, obviously afraid of what they might encounter inside.

"You go in, Chris." Henri replied, his mind full of the image of the purple Teletubby clones gang-raping some poor soul.

"No. You!"

"Shut up, you go in!"

The two began to argue and fight like little children. In the midst of their squabble, Henri saw something stuck on the door and shouted, "Oh look… there's a card on the door."

Henri quickly moved away from Chris and took the card off from the door. It read, **"Cooties Placard"**.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The horrid scream echoed, again.

The two of them stared at each other. "Fine, let's go in together." Chris said. Henri nodded, as he stuffed away the placard.

As they entered the room, the familiar Christmas jingle filled the air.

_"… Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you've ever saw it, you would even say it'd glow…" _

Henri happily sang along with the catchy tune as they walked further into the room. Chris snorted with disgust at the look of Henri, singing along with the Christmas song like a three-year-old.

Suddenly, Chris stopped and stood there on the floor, paralyzed.

"Why'd you stop, Chris?" Henri asked, as he stopped his humming and singing.

Chris remained quiet and pointed at the sight before them. Rudolph was seated on a metal chair with many colorful lighting encircling him, all blinking brightly in the dark room. To make everything even more festive, a big and bright red bulb sat on his nose and it was buzzing brightly. Smoke was coming out from his back.

"Nice…" Henri jeered.

"H-hel-p m-me…" Rudolph pleaded.

"Henri, he's being electrocuted…" Chris shouted. "… we'd better help him!"

Chris and Henri immediately ran over to Rudolph and attempted to remove the electrical plugs off from the power sockets. Thick black smoke was beginning to emit from Rudolph.

"H-hel-p m-me… h-hel-p m-me…" Rudolph continued to plea.

"Hey, its that kid!" Henri shouted, pointing to a little boy digging at his nostrils standing by the window.

"Henri, we don't have time for any little boy. Now, hurry up and help me with these wirings." Chris said.

"Okay…" Henri said, returning his attention to Rudolph. By this time, Rudolph was beginning to burn and the lightings on him were buzzing brightly.

"Oooh… ahhh… the nose is really red and bright." Henri drooled.

"Henri, hurry up and help me here…" Chris commanded.

"Oh, right." Henri replied. However, due to his clumsiness, Henri accidentally tripped over some electrical wires and he accidentally knocked Chris over, causing Chris to fall onto the electrocuted Rudolph.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chris screamed, as he landed on Rudolph.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rudolph screamed, in pain as Chris' elbow struck his balls.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed.

The three of them all screamed in unison.

Chris and Rudolph were now twitching violently to the effects of the electricity passing through them. The smell of burning flesh and heavy smoke now filled the room. Henri coughed. He quickly looked around the place and saw the circuit breaker next to him. _"YES! That's it! Why didn't I think of that?"_ He thought. Henri quickly ran over and pulled the lever, hoping to cut the electrical supply to the apartment. To his surprise, the entire room's electrical wires bursted with more flares, and Chris and Rudolph twitched even more.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Both of them screamed, louder than ever.

_"What the hell have I done?"_ He thought. Henri glanced over at the electrical box and to his horror, he saw a label under the box that read, **"Electricity Booster. To be used with Extreme Caution on Appliances with Insufficient Power "**.

Henri froze. He had accidentally supplied more electrical currents to the power sockets. Chris and Rudolph had stopped moving and the bulbs on Rudolph had all burst. The number **"19121" **appeared on Ruldoph's forehead. The smell of smoke was now overpowering and Henri was slowly losing his consciousness due to his large intake of smoke and fumes.

The last thing he saw was the little boy sticking his finger, filled with shit, into his mouth.

**_

* * *

_**

Henri woke up in his room, his pants totally soaked with urine. He had a quick change of pants before making his way out of his bedroom.

_"_… and now, the Bulletin News. Just a moment ago, the police have discovered the bodies of two males in the North AssFeeld Heights Apartment. One of the deceased was identified as Mister Rudolph Braindead, an occupant of the apartment while the identity of the other body was still unknown. The police said that the identification process of the other decease was still on-going, but at his point, they could not confirm his identity yet, as there were no official records of the second decease in North AssFeeld. The Police have not ruled out the possibility of the second decease being an illegal immigrant and that their deaths were a gay relationship gone wrong…"

The radio stopped buzzing.

_"What the hell?" _

Henri felt groggy. Another person had died. No, it was _two_. Two more innocent lives. Henri suddenly heard some noise outside his apartment and he walked over to take a look at the peephole. To his amazement, he saw 19 paw prints on the wall across the corridor. _"Damn stupid cats… always sticking their paws everywhere." _Then, something caught his attention. For under the rows of neatly spread paw prints, were the words, **"I know what you did last summer"**.

"WHAT?" Henri gasped. _"How'd they know I stole some of Elyne's panties from her apartment last summer?" _He rubbed at his eyes to make sure that he had seen the wordings correctly. Once again, he looked through the peephole.

**"Make sure to peep… um, I mean look at your neighbor." **

"Phew, must be my eyes playing tricks on me." Henri heaved a sigh of relief, as he slowly walked towards the windows pondering at the meaning of the message on the wall. _"Eh? What the fuck does that mean? All the tenants are my neighbors… so who the fuck should I look at?"_

* * *

(Meanwhile…) 

Elyne was preparing herself for the orgy party that night. She walked out from the bathroom, all stark naked, and she turned on the music and danced around the room erotically. The stuffed rabbit on her bed popped its eyes widely as it drooled. But of course, Elyne did not notice it for she was too much engrossed with the practicing of her new erotic dance for the party that night. She had learnt that the orgy party organizers had set up a prestigious Nude Pole Dance Competition. Elyne really hoped that she would win the competition. _"It would totally change my luck if I win the competition tonight." _Elynesaid in her mind. She could visualize her career as a naked dancing queen at the Heaven's Night in Shuddup Hill.

With that thought in her mind, Elyne danced some more. Naked, that is.

* * *

(Now, back to Henri…) 

Henri was giving serious thoughts about the true meaning behind the message. _"Who is it? WHOOOO?" _

Just then, one of the occupants living in the opposite block shouted, "Look, its Elyne of Room 303… and she's naked, _again_!"

Another occupant screamed with excitement, "I love you, Elyne!"

Soon, more and more of the people came out to their windows and started gushing at the free nude show over at Room 303. Henri, who got curious at the commotion, looked out of the window to find himself looking at all the other tenants opposite pointing towards Elyne's apartment, bustling with pure excitement.

"What the-?" Henri said. "Oh, I get it! It's a sign. The message on the wall prompted me to look at that bitch, _Elyne_!"

Henri quickly rushed over and knelt down in front of the tiny hole in his apartment wall and peered through it. Through the hole, Henri could only see Elyne's ass up close as it pounced up and down to the rhythm of the music. Then, suddenly the phone in her apartment rang and Elyne quickly ran out of her room to pick up the phone. Henri noticed that the stuffed rabbit on her bed was sitting with its back facing him.

_"Eh? I could have sworn I saw that Wobbie the Wabbit's nose bleed just now…" _Henri thought, as he moved away from the hole, still drooling profusely from watching Elyne perform the naked dance.

Nonetheless, Henri felt relieved that Elyne was still alive and kicking. He got back to his feet and walked towards the storage box and emptied his pockets. The stuffs were beginning to weigh him down. Henri decided to take with him only the basic weapons for self-defense against those inhumane gay Teletubbies.

With that, he left for the bathroom and geared himself for his next adventure as he entered the hole, which had gotten even bigger.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own what I do not own. But I do own what I do own.

**A/N: **Another update from me again. Remember me? Yes? No? Anyways, writing has been really hard for me these few days as I've been constantly attacked by writer's block. Okay… okay… I know its not an excuse, but I'm trying my best every now and then to bring the best stories to you guys. Okay, just an update, I've finally killed off Rudolph in this chapter. And thanks to SaddenedSoul for his wonderful killing plan, I've decided to use his idea in this chapter. See? I treasure every comment from all you readers out there. So, just remember to review and maybe put in a little of your ideas… who knows, I might just turn it into part of the plot in my next chapter. Alright, not to waste any more time, I would like to thank everyone else who've R&R and please do support me all the way, okay? BIG THANKS!


	10. Chapter 10: The Conspiracy Theory

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

_"I got this from that slut, Miss Craving- no wait, that slut threw it at me a long, long time ago… FUCK, WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? A SCAVANGER?"_

**Chapter 10: The Conspiracy Theory **

_"What the hell…" _Henri thought glumly, as he looked around the dreamy-state-like apartment corridor. _"… am I finally out of my fucking room?" _

(Corny music of the Teletubbies' theme song played in the background…)

_"Gross…" _Henri thought, as he stood in the dreamy-like corridor outside his North AssFeeld Heights apartment, when suddenly a burly image of a middle-aged blond guy with plaited hair and colorful hairclips and ribbons, wearing an oversized pink-colored trench coat, hopping like a little girl along the corridor.

"Hello?" Henri asked.

The blond guy stopped and looked up. "Yes?" He squeaked, in an ultra-high pitched girly tone, as he toyed around playfully at his blond plaited hair.

_"Fucking fruitcake!" _Henri thought, through gritted teeth. "Uh… who the fuck are you?" He asked, forcing a fake smile, pretending to be super friendly.

There was something about the giggling freak that Henri felt kinda weird. In fact, the word _'weird' _was an understatement. But since Henri was a tad stupid and ridiculously retarded to not being able find an exact word to describe how he felt, he guess he would just have to just settle for the _'weird'_ word, which was at least closer to how he felt about the funny man.

The girly blond guy giggled some more. Henri winced. He wanted to bash the guy's sickeningly-looking face with a hot iron, over and over again. The thought about it made Henri happy.

"Are you trying to hit on me?" The fruity-looking guy shrieked.

Henri sweatdrop.

_"Oh god! That's super sick!" _He thought, as he rolled his eyes over. "Um… nope." Henri finally said.

"Oh, I know you want me… you definitely _WANT _me… I mean, who doesn't? Everybody wants a piece of my beauteeeeeful ass." The blond guy giggled some more. It was at that instant that Henri began to feel nauseous.

"Anyways, I'm Wolter Salivaman." He continued, with a wink.

_"W-wolter?" _Henri mumbled. "B-but… but I thought that little kid in the Water Prison _IS _Wolter?"

"Oh, you've met my clone?"

"WHAT THE FUCK? YOUR CLONE?" Henri almost screamed.

Wolter nodded.

"B-but… he looked different from you… besides, he's a kid…" Henri said. "… h-how the hell could he be your clone?"

"My cloning procedure had failed because I've used some third-party genetic solution from the flea market." Wolter said. "That's why that Wolter had become a midget."

"Y-you mean, he's not a kid?"Henri asked.

"Nah. He's just an undergrown failed experiment." Wolter continued to babble.

_"Dammit… all this time I've thought that he was a kid." _Henri felt a shiver down his spine. "Uh… so, uh… how many clones do you actually have?"

"Hmmm… let's see." Wolter was starting to count at his fingers and at the same time, mumbling to himself. "I would say three, including me. Oh, but one of my clones died. He committed suicide in the jail."

"_O-k-a-y_… now you are scaring me… y-you… you psychopath." Henri said.

"I take that as a compliment." Wolter said, again he giggled like a little girl. "Thank you."

Henri sweatdrop.

"There's… um, there's one more thing I would like to ask you…" Henri asked.

"What is it?"

"A-am… am I back to the normal world already?" Henri asked, again.

"Maybe… and maybe not." The guy said, giggling as he let out another fart.

Henri sweatdrop.

"So, is that a yes, or a no?" Henri asked again, covering at his nose. Obviously overwhelmed by the strong pungent. _"Dammit!" _

"Relax, handsome…" Wolter pacified. "… oh alright, for your benefit of doubt, you are _STILL _in the fucked-up world… yes… my little wonderful abnormal world… Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo…" He giggled. "… gosh, I am oh-so prett-eeee-ful!" Wolter hissed, as he admired lovingly at himself.

Henri sweatdrop. He then slowly moved away from the weirdo and ran into a nearby apartment.

(Inside Room 301…)

Henri found a diary resting on top of the coffee table in the living room and he picked it up.

**_"Joey Schrubber, the dorky guy living next door, gave me some nude pictures of the purple Teletubby. He also said that if he'd found some more, he'd give it to me. He said he was a paparazzi and he is always snooping around taking secret pictures of that North AssFeeld Next Top Purple Model. But seriously, I would have preferred some cash. Anyway, I think he knew that I was going to ask him for some money, that's why he's been shutting himself in his apartment, trying to avoid me. That bastard. Strange enough, I could hear these farting sounds coming from there. _**

**_July 1" _**

**_"Oh Raychel, what's with that fucking handwriting on the purple paper? For goodness sake, you'd better take up some writing lessons because you suck at writing shit. Anyway, did you take my clothes? You bitch! Those were my fucking best clothes. You'd better pray hard they were returned unscathed or else, I swear I'm gonna make you puke spleen. _**

**_July 2 – Myke"_**

Henri shuddered at the thought of someone vomiting their spleen. He then continued to make his way into the apartment where he found two freaky life-sized posters of the naked purple Teletubby stuck on the walls in the bedroom. Henri squealed like a pig. He could feel the nauseating feeling once again coming back. He wanted to just get out as fast as possible. _Pronto! _However, as he was struggling his way out of that horrid room, he noticed that the two posters had weird bulges popping out from the Teletubby's private parts. It looked as though the Teletubby was having an erection. _"Ewww…" _He groaned. The posters were beginning to freak him out, with all the Teletubby nudity and the bulging-private-part-thing. Henri could no longer take it and he quickly staggered over to one of the posters, and began to rip it apart from the wall.

A key fell to his feet.

"Eh?" He picked up the key to see that it had the words, **"Super's Key" **written on the tag. Henri quickly moved to the other poster and tore out another key, **"Locker Key 106"**, from behind the other obscene poster. Henri slipped the keys inside his pockets and he made his way back out into the living room, when all of a sudden, he was struck by a tremendous wave of headache.

"Arggh!" He cried, clutching at his head. "Oh shit…"

Henri looked up just in time to see a Teletubby coming out from the bathroom. "La, la, la, la, la… oh man, don't they even have any decent toilet paper in this place? Dammit, I think I've stained my han-" The Teletubby was talking to himself when he stopped abruptly, looking at Henri standing before him.

"AHHH!" Henri screamed.

"Ooh… hi there handsome." The Teletubby giggled, and approached the frightened human. Henri darted his vision around the room and spotted a huge portal hole on the wall and he immediately sprinted towards it like there's no tomorrow.

_(ZAP!) _

**_

* * *

_**

Henri had already gotten used to waking up on his bed to the wet sensation in his crotch area and seeing the dark patches on his pants. He made a quick change to another clean pair of pants and walked out of his bedroom. The very moment he had stepped out from his bedroom, Henri could hear the constant rattling noise of heavy machinery coming from the laundry room. He curiously walked over and opened the door to the laundry room.

He looked inside the room and screamed.

His screams were so loud that, even the dead buried six feet under were awakened.

**_

* * *

_**

Eylne was tired from all the dancing in her bedroom. She then went over to her bed to pick up her towel and wiped her body off of the milk residue. Eylne had initially thought that it was a real waste to use all that milk on her bath, but she knew that it was all worth in every bit when her luck changes tonight, after she'd been crowned the Nude Pole Dancing Queen title at the club.

_"Besides, it was the neighbor's milk anyway." _And Eylne smiled.

(Bang! Bang! Bang!)

_"Huh? Who would be here at this time?" _She thought. Eylne took a glimpse at the clock on the wall. It was already 5:26 in the afternoon. _"Is it the Super? Damn… is he here to check on my dynamite stick collections?" _She thought.

The banging on the door persisted.

"I'm coming!" She shouted, as she dropped the towel and put on her bright purple dress.

More banging from her apartment door.

"Alright already! I'm coming, I'm coming…" She echoed, as she ran over to the door and opened it. "… now what is it, Crank-" Eylne's voice trailed off, as she stared at the person standing in the doorway. He was a complete stranger.

The stranger grinned.

**_

* * *

_**

"NOOOOO- MY UNDERWEARS… MY _BRANDED_ UNDERWEARS! THEY ARE RUINED!" Henri screamed, staring at the load of purple-ish stained underwears in the washing machine. "WHO THE FUCK PUT THEIR PURPLE CLOTHINGS TOGETHER WITH MY WHITE UNDERWEARS?"

(Mocking giggles echoed in the laundry room.)

"Who's there?" Henri shouted, clutching at his fist and looking around the empty room. "Show your fucking face, dammit!"

(More mocking laughter.)

Henri sweatdrop.

_"To hell with you fucking idiots!" _He thought, and he stormed out of the laundry room. Somehow, the very moment he had stepped back into the living room, Henri found yet another piece of note stuck at the foot of his apartment door and retrieved it.

**_"Oh god! I've just figured the theories behind these fanciful numbers. '01121' refers to '01/21', meaning its 1 out of 21. Okay fine, I know its retardedly obvious, but I just wanted to make a statement. Anyway, that Wolter's plan were foiled when he was convicted for the murder of Bolly and Milly Lokane, being the seventh and eighth suckers to die at his hands, and he committed suicide in the jail. HA! What a LOSER! _**

**_May 2." _**

_"Huh? Wolter's dead? Oh right… it's the clone." _Henri thought about what that fruitcake Wolter had told him earlier that one of his clones had committed suicide in the jail.

After much time pondering at the topic, Henri was finally convinced that all the Salivamans were simply just trouble, whether they were dead or alive.

**_

* * *

_**

(Later…)

Henri got poofed back to the weird apartment world, and he found himself back in Room 301. The Teletubby had been waiting for him. The moment Henri set his eyes on that horny-looking purple creature, he screamed. "AHHHH!"

"Ooh… you are back!" The Teletubby moaned, as it wasted no time in trying to reach out and grabbed at Henri's butt. Henri could feel his migraine getting worse and he felt as if he's brain was gonna explode.

The Teletubby giggled. _"I'm gonna catch you, my sweety-bunny! Tee-hee…" _

The duo ran up and down, and round and round the apartment. The creature pinched Henri's sexy ass. Henri screamed, and he gave the Teletubby a punch in the face, almost knocking the creature's eyes out of their sockets. The Teletubby roared. And Henri squealed. The purple blob then pounced on the unsuspecting human for a hug from the back. But Henri gave him the slip by making a clever dodge. In return, Henri gave that flabby purple creature a kick in the ass, sending him crashing into the refrigerator. Henri then followed-up with the attack by slamming the door of the fridge against the Teletubby's skull for like an umpteen times before he ran for his life out of the apartment.

Once outside, Henri slammed the door to Room 301 behind him and ran hysterically down the corridor until he arrived at the stairway.

"Hello." A man sitting on the stairs greeted him.

Henri took a closer look to realize that he was that fruitcake, whom he had met earlier. Wolter Salivaman.

"Y-you've… (pants)… you've got to get out… (pants)… of here. _Hurry_, that Teletubby is coming." Henri panted.

"I got this from Miss Craving a long, long, long, long, long, time ago…" Wolter mumbled, as he furiously fiddled at his plaited blond hair.

"Huh?" Henri asked, while he looked over his shoulder to make sure that fuck-tart purple piece of shit did not catch up with him. "What the hell are you talking about? We gotta go now before that gay thing catches up, dammit!"

"… no wait, I should say she _THREW_ it at me! That bitch!" Wolter cursed, pointing to the pile of shit by the stairs.

"GAH! SHIT!" Henri squirmed away.

"Shut the fuck up, sissyboy." Wolter told him. "By the way, do you think I'm pret-eeeeee-ful?" Wolter suddenly asked.

Henri sweatdrop.

Henri continued to look back and he started to pull at Wolter's arms. "Yes... YES! You _are_ pretty, okay?" He said, rolling his eyes over in disgust. "Now, hurry up and let's get going already. That fat thing is catching up on us." Henri pleaded.

"Here… I'm giving this shit to you." Wolter said, holding up the brown excretion in his hand.

"Uh, thanks… but no thanks." Henri replied, pushing away Wolter's dirty hand.

Just then, Henri managed to catch sight of the purple Teletubby hopping merrily towards the stairs. He screamed and ran down the stairs.

"Hey! You forgot your shit!" Wolter shouted.

But Henri was long gone.

The purple Teletubby then stopped beside Wolter and sat next to him by the stairs. "So, how is performance of our test subject coming along?"

Wolter looked at him. "Its coming along well."

"Good." The Teletubby nodded, before he saw what was in Wolter's hand. "So, are you gonna like eat that? If not, may I have it?" The Teletubby asked, staring hungrily at the slimy brown substance in Wolter's hand.

**_

* * *

_**

Henri was glad that he had finally managed to get rid of the Teletubby. And of that weirdo Wolter. Henri then looked at the surrounding. It resembled the ground floor of the North AssFeeld Height Apartment building, except that the whole place looked dreamy-like and that it was dirty and filthy.

As he walked along the filthy carpeted floor, Henri saw a note stuck on one of the lockers at the side of the stairs. He went over to pick up the note.

**_"You've Got Mail." _**

Henri then saw the numbers **"106" **inscribed on the cover of the locker and remembered that he had earlier found a locker key with the same number on it. He immediately reached for his pockets and pulled out the key and used it to open the locker.

The moment he opened the latch to the locker, overflowing letters flooded the place. Henri screamed. But his cries for help were soon drowned out by the stacks of falling papers gushing over him.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **The usual disclaimer. You should now already know it by heart. If not, go look at my previous chapters.

**A/N: **Finally, my tenth chapter.Whoopy! 10 glorious chapters. I'm so thrilled. Once again, another chapter fulfilled. I wanna express my gratitude to all the readers out there for spending their time to read at my retard works. Bless you. Bless you all and thank you. Needless to say, please do Read and Review. TTFN.


	11. Chapter 11: Le Hospital

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 11: Le Hospital**

"A-arghhhh… a-air… I-I, I… n-need… need air…" Henri cried, pushing away the stacks of letters on top of him, as he struggled out of the enormous mountain of papers. "Ouch… ouch… ouch… pain, dammit!" He groaned, as he struggled out from the enormous pile of letters and memos, suffering from lots of paper cuts all over his body.

Henri fumed, as he reluctantly grabbed one of the letters on the floor for a better look at it.

"_**I hate you, Raychel! – Myke."**_

He threw it away and randomly picked out another letter.

"_**I hate you very much, Raychel! – Myke."**_

The next letter he grabbed from the pile doesn't give much information too.

"_**I hate you very, very much… Raychel! – Myke."**_

"_This is so crazy… what's wrong with this Myke guy anyway?"_ He thought, throwing away the letters in disgust. Henri then decided to pay a visit to the Super's apartment, since he'd conveniently gotten the Super's apartment key earlier.

(Moments later… Inside the Super's Room – Room 105…)

Henri unlocked the door to the Super's room and opened it.

"Hello? Crank? Are you fucking hiding inside?" Henri called out.

Silence.

"Hello?" Henri repeated.

There was nobody inside the room. Henri slowly stepped further inside the room where he managed to find a full bunch of the apartment building keys, to all the rooms, hanging by the wall. Henri's eyes sparkled and he immediately grabbed it. _"Muwahahahaha… now, I could sneak inside that Elyne bitch's apartment to steal more of her panties and- wait a minute…" _Henri paused, as he looked through the bunch of keys. _"… dammit! The key to that Elyne bitch's room is missing! S-H-I-I-I-T!" _Henri thought, and he threw away the bunch of keys in disgust. Henri decided to continue his exploration around the Super's apartment, in hope of locating Elyne's key.

He soon ventured into the Super's bedroom and found a diary on the bedside table.

"Eh? This must be the Super's diary." He said to himself, grabbing up the diary from the bed to read.

"_**Meh, this is so crazy. I mean, I've got that funny dream again, about that fruity-looking man with that ugly braided hair and girly pink coat. Eww, gross. Not that I'm gay or anything. But come to think of it, he reminded me so much of my that useless bum son, Jaimes. Anyway, I recalled seeing that fruitcake weirdo 10 years ago, carrying something heavy along the stairs. That fucking thing was even leaking strawberry jam! Dammit, I even remembered scolding him for dirtying the apartment carpet. That fucking freako. Those were my expensive carpets. Now, I've got to pay for the cleaning of the carpets. Hope that fucking fruitcake rots in hell.**_

_**Crank Sonnderland."**_

Suddenly, Henri smelt something so disgusting, he almost puked. _"What the fuck was that?" _He thought, as he stashed away the diary while covering his nose with his hand. Henri glanced around the bedroom, and he saw some yellow-ish puss seeping through from underneath the Super's pillow. _"What the hell?" _Henri suddenly remembered what the Super had told that Elyne bitch outside his apartment, about that sickening foreskin he'd kept under his pillow. _"Ewww… gross." _Henri groaned silently. He slowly inched himself forward and lifted the pillow up from its resting place and peeped under it.

DUN. DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNN!

Henri let out a gasp and fainted.

* * *

Elyne stared at the grinning stranger before her. "Eh? What is it, little boy?" She asked. 

It was little Wolter.

Little Wolter just kept quiet and offered her the gross stuff he had dug out from his nostrils. "EEKKKK!" Elyne shrieked, at the sight of the nose shit before her. She then saw the presumably 'little boy' advancing towards her with the gross stuff in his hand and she immediately backed away.

"Get away from me, y-you… you… naughty boy!" Elyne cried.

But that didn't stop little Wolter from advancing forward and moving into her apartment. In the midst of her moving back inside her room, Elyne suddenly tripped and fell onto her apartment floor. She panicked. She did not want her beautiful dress to be dirtied by some nose shit or something. At least not at this time. There was the party. She needed to look pretty and to look her best for the kinky party later. It was her chance of a lifetime to be famous. Her luck was going to be better, not for worse. Elyne quickly looked back up.

Little Wolter was closing up on her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elyne screamed her lungs out.

* * *

Henri woke up to find himself still inside the Super's smelly bedroom. The intoxicating rotting smell was now becoming unbearable. Henri wanted to just leave the room already. But sadly, he knew that he had to bring along the filthy foreskin along with him, just like the other stuffs he had found before. He wasn't sure why, but he knew that the foreskin must be important enough to be hanging around in this abnormal world that he's in. 

(A/N: Foreskin _'hanging' _around… get it? Wahahahaha… okay, bad joke… my bad.)

Henri groaned and covered at his nose, as he forced himself to move towards the bed and removed the pillow away. Henri cursed at the Super, for being such a sick-o and for keeping a disgusting flabby foreskin under the pillow, as he slowly reached for the limpy-looking, smelly, and obviously badly decomposed foreskin on the bed. The foreskin felt cold and clammy at his touch. Henri shuddered. _"Eew… eew… eew…" _He thought, and he quickly grabbed it tightly and stashed in inside his pocket.

"Damn, can't find that Elyne bitch's key anywhere…" Henri said, after continuing his search in the entire apartment. Henri finally gave up the search and he disappointingly stepped out of the Super's apartment. It was then when he had walked back to the main lobby on the ground level of the apartment building, he began to feel tired. Henri suddenly realized that all of the stuffs inside his pocket were starting to weigh him down. He knew that he would have to somehow lighten up his load in order to increase his chances of not being molested by that gay-ish purple freak.

And so, Henri decided to head back to his apartment, through the portal in this place, to free his pocket from all the heavy items into the storage box in his living room.

_(ZAP!)_

* * *

After like changing into another set of clean underpants, Henri headed straight to the storage box sitting in the living room and proceeded to dump all of the crazy stuffs he had had inside, except for some self defending melee weapons. 

Just as he had finished re-organizing his inventory, Henri heard some commotion outside his apartment door and he went over to the peephole to take a look.

Through the peephole, Henri saw the fruity Wolter hopping around the corridor when he was suddenly pounced by a bunch of stupid canines. "AHHHHHHHHH!" Wolter screamed like a girl, as he kicked and punched at the dogs.

_"HA! What an idiot!" _Henri snickered.

The canines were now at Wolter's butt, biting and tearing his pink leather pants to shreds. "Get these fuckers away from my beaut-eeeeeeeee-ful ass." Wolter shrieked in pain.

Henri sweatdrop.

As Henri continued looking intently through the peephole, enjoying at how the fruitcake Wolter suffered in pain and agony, his view was somehow disrupted when a purple mass suddenly appeared from nowhere and it stopped directly at the peephole. Henri froze. His head was starting to throb in pain. _"Could it be…" _Henri thought.

Then, the blob of purple mass quickly turned around to face the peephole from outside. It was the Teletubby. "GAH!" Henri shrieked. The Teletubby winked at him as it wriggled his fingers seductively at him through the peephole from the outside corridor.

Henri immediately pushed himself away from the peephole. "What the fuck was that?" He shouted, with a look of fear plastered across his face. Henri forced himself to look at the peephole one more time, and to his astonishment, there was no Wolter. No dogs. And the best was, no freaky Teletubby. Henri heaved a sigh of relief as he moved himself away from the peephole when he noticed a few pieces of red papers under the door and he picked it up.

"_**Woo-hoo… I've picked up that saucy bitch's key from Room 303. Nice. I thought I'd secretly go inside her apartment and sniffed at her panties, since she wasn't home and maybe return the key to the Super after I've made a duplicate. Yes, I'll do just that.**_

_**May 20."**_

Henri sweatdrop.

"_**Dammit! I lost the key even before I'd managed to use it. Oh god! I've got to find it before someone else does and stole all of her used panties. Okay, now calm down… where the fuck did I left it? Oh right, I've got that really big pain in my crouch area that day, like some menstrual cramp or something… I guess I must have dropped her key in room 302's bedroom, next to the bed.**_

_**p.s. Why am I referring to my bedroom as 'Room 302's bedroom'? Strange…**_

_**p.s.s. Hey, I just realized that men DO NOT have menstrual cramps… Or do they? Oh whatever.**_

_**May 22."**_

"YES! Elyne's key!" Henri cheered. He quickly ran back inside his bedroom and he found a key strung to weird keychain that resembled that of Wobbie the Wabbit's private part, on the floor next to his bed. Henri immediately picked it up. _"Hmm… I wonder what's this pink-y stick-thing protruding out of the furry pubic area?" _Henri thought, looking at the set of key in his hand.

(Moments later…)

Henri went zapping through the sickening portal hole and was back to the freaky world of abnormality. He soon arrived at the outside of that Elyne bitch's apartment door, when he heard a terrible scream from inside her apartment room.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elyne screamed.

"Dammit! She's home." Henri said, turning away. _"There goes my panties collection."_

"HEELLLPPPP!" She screamed. "HELP ME!"

"Huh? What the hell?" Henri gasped, as he reached for the key to Room 303 and opened the door to the apartment.

"GAH!" Henri screamed, as he opened the door to Room 303. Inside the room was the little Wolter standing next to Elyne, who was pathetically sprawled on the floor, flat-faced, with both her legs wide opened, revealing the gross black moss between her legs.

SHE WAS NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!

On her back were the numbers **"20121"** written in nose shit.

"Ewwww… Elyne, for goodness sake, shave your pubic area or something!" Henri groaned, feeling a sense of grossness in his stomach.

"H-help…" Elyne cried weakly. "I, I-I… I don't want no nose droppings…" She pleaded, as little Wolter was slowly trying to continue to feed her with those gross fillings from his nose. "NOOO… NOT MY MOUTH… NOT MY MOUTH! I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU IF YOU PUT THAT FUCKING SHIT IN MY MOUTH!" Elyne screamed at little Wolter.

Henri slowly walked towards them, half-covering his eyes from Elyne's grotesque unshaved pubic, and stopped only inches away from them before he managed to realize what was happening.

"Noooooo… I'll never be clean again…" Elyne cried.

"Hey, you! Yeah, you… the midget with the nose-digging obsession. I know who you are." Henri shouted.

Little Wolter ignore him and he continued to play around with his nose shit.

"Hey! Fuck, I'm talking to you, Wolter…" Henri screamed.

Little Wolter stopped and gave him a super-blur look.

"Will you just stop feeding her with those unhygienic stuffs already?" Henri continued.

It was then when Elyne fainted and the entire place slowly faded to nothing.

* * *

Henri woke up, to the familiar smell of stale pee, in his bedroom.

(Ambulance sound outside the apartment window.)

"_Huh?"_ Henri dashed to the window just in time to see an ambulance driving away from the apartment carpark. _"Elyne, please don't die… at least not before you pay me back all those milk you stole from me, dammit!" _He thought.

And so, after changing his pants, Henri coolly walked into the living room where he managed to find a more stuffs stuck under his door step. Under his door was a piece of tattered note, and a weird looking tailsman with the super turn-off picture of a cross-dressing Wolter on it. Under the picture were the words, **"SeaCucumber Tailsman"**.

Henri read at the note.

"_**Oh my god! I don't think I can protect my virginity any longer. He's truly crazy. The supreme Teletubby is fucking persistent and I don't think I can protect my sexy body any further. I think that Teletubby's finally learnt of a way to travel to the normal world. Dammit! I was so scared that he would make his way to the real world that I've decided to seal off both the holes in the bathroom and the storage room…"**_

"Eh? What the hell? There're _TWO _fucking holes?" Henri gasped. He then continued to read at the note.

"… _**yes, there's two fucking holes, if that's what you were thinking, you dumbass. Didn't I make myself clear? Anywho, I wondered if that Elyne bitch is home today? I mean, she must not know about what had happened to her missing panties. : X**_

_**July 13."**_

* * *

(Inside the bathroom…)

"What the fuck?" Henri shouted, as he stared at the sealed hole on the bathroom wall.

* * *

(Later…)

Henri had taken the four ridiculous placards from the storage box in the living room and together with the sick SeaCucumber Tailsman, he stuck all the cards on the wall in the storage room.

"_What is the Magic word?"_ An eerie voice suddenly echoed out of nowhere.

"Huh? What magic word? And who the fuck are you?" Henri scowled, looking around the tiny storage room.

"_Whatever… What is the Magic word?" _The voice persisted.

"Mmm… O-open Sesame?" Henri guessed.

"_That… is correct." _The voice answered.

(Poof!)

And a hole appeared before him on the wall.

"Nice!" Henri said, sucking at his thumb.

* * *

(After zapping himself through the dirty hole…)

Henri opened his groggy-looking eyes and found himself lying on the cold tiles of the hospital. The place seemed to be an operation room or something.

(Slapping and wet squashing sound.)

"_Eh?" _Henri gushed, as he slowly sat upright and looked over to see two erotic silhouettes moving around from behind a nearby curtain. _"Woo-hoo… sex scene… YAY! Free porn!"_

One of the silhouettes suddenly stopped and the person slowly moved out from behind the curtain.

It was Wolter Salivaman.

"Hehehe…" Wolter giggled in a girly pitch.

"AHH!" Henri screamed. The thought of seeing the fruitcake having sex with anyone grossed him out.

"Wanna join in?" Wolter asked, in a somewhat fruity way.

"NO!" Henri replied, and he quickly ran out through the door.

"Who was it, Wolter?" The other person asked, from behind the curtain.

"Henri." Wolter replied.

"Henri?" The person quickly stepped out from behind the curtain. It was Tinky Winky. "Why didn't you say so? So, where the fuck is that cutie pie of mine?" The purple Teletubby asked, looking around the room.

"He's gone."

"He _WHAT_?" Tinky Winky shouted. "What the hell did you do? Please don't tell me you showed him your naked butt, Wolter…" The purple Teletubby groaned.

"What? No… I only asked him if he wanna join us in making some pie. I'm tired of kneading the stupid dough all by myself." Wolter complained.

"Are you complaining that I'm not helping?" Tinky Winky asked. "For your information, you _WERE _the one who wanted to make this silly pie in the first place, not me."

"I, I-I…" Wolter hesitated. _"But it was you who said you were hungry." _He thought.

"Yes?" Tinky Winky gave him a threatening look, as he placed his chubby finger on his neck and sliding it across from ear to ear, in a suicidal manner.

"I-I, I… uh, I…" Wolter tried to reason with Tinky Winky, but stopped when he saw the fiery glare coming from the purple creature. "...uh, nothing." Wolter muttered.

* * *

Henri found himself running into the doctor's lounge. As he slowly walked around the vicinity, he noticed some photo-slides being pasted on the board.

There were photographs of Elyne with nose shit all over her back, inside her mouth, around her eyes, under her armpits, and all over her ears.

"_Oh gross!" _Henri thought.

Henri then slowly felt around her photographs on the board with his hand, when his fingers suddenly stopped at a particular piece showing her voluptuous busts. _"Mmmm… tits!" _Henri moaned.

(Moments later…)

Henri had arrived at the second level of the hospital. He quickly searched through some of the many rooms, where he managed to find some candies, some paper clips, a pen, more expired Health Drinks, a hospital key, and a white Holy Torch Light.

He happily stashed away the items before he walked down the corridor, to the next door, when he realized that the door was locked.

"What the fuck?" He exclaimed, as he furiously turned at the knob. _"DANG!" _

Suddenly, he remembered. _The hospital key_. Henri recalled finding a hospital key in one of the rooms, which he had explored earlier. He quickly pulled it out from his pocket and used it on the door.

The door opened. Henri saw Elyne, again, sprawled on the bed in a very turn-off position.

"Elyne!" Henri called out, as he stepped inside the room.

"Huh? Wha-?" Elyne yawned, as she turned over, exposing the disgusting chunk of black moss between her opened legs.

"GAH!" Henri gasped in shock, and he puked his guts out. "SHAVE, BITCH! SHAVE!"

Elyne rubbed at her eyes and looked at him. "W-who are you?"

But before Henri's even got the chance to open his mouth, Elyne suddenly went into a crazy fit and screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elyne screamed hysterically.

"Stop it!" Henri commanded.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She continued.

"Elyne! Elyne! Shut the fuck up, bitch!" Henri said, as he sternly reached forward to grab at her.

Elyne suddenly stopped screaming and the two of them immediately looked down.

Henri had had his hands rested on Elyne's boobs.

(Five minutes later...)

"RAAPPPEEEEEEEE!" She screamed.

"GAH!" Henri gasped, and let go of his hands.

(SLAP!)

Henri managed to somehow calm her down by giving her a slap across her face.

"W-why'd you hit me?" She sobbed, rubbing at her aching cheek.

"To shut your fucking mouth up, bitch!" Henri growled.

Elyne then took a closer look at the person before her. "Y-you… you're Henri from next door. What are you doing here?"

"I-I, I don't know… I don't know where to start… I mean, it's a long story and you don't look that smart enough to understand anything even if I were to explain everything to you."

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Oh yeah, try me!" Elyne challenged. _"Jackass."_

"Alright… fine. There was this strange hole in my apartment that I climbed through and…" Henri said.

"Wahahahahahaha..." Elyne laughed.

"What?"

"A hole in the apartment... hahahahaha." Elyne continued laughing. "I've got a hole, can you climb in too?" She joked, pointing to her vagina.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Anyway, as I was saying, besides the hole, there's this weird abnormal world… a-and the people that I had encountered all died…"

"You are just bad luck, if you'd ask me…" She interrupted, squirming away from him. _"YOU JINX!"_

Henri sweatdrop.

"I'm not a jinx, you fucking moron. Anyway, I can't help but think that there's something evil lurking around this place." Henri said.

"What are you talking about? Oh, like… am I supposed to believe you? HA!" She said, rolling her eyes over sarcastically.

"But its true… ITS TRRUUUEEEE!" Henri roared, as he pulled at his hair.

"A-alright, Henri… stop that… you are scaring me."

"So, you believe me?" He asked, looking at her with his cute bambi eyes.

"Well, not really…" She replied. "... and stop acting cute, you idiot!"

"Look, you saucy bitch. Or whore. Or slut. Or whatever they call you..." Henri said. "... I know what I saw and I'm telling you, I saw this fucking midget in your apartment with you when you were screaming for help."

"Oh… wait. I-I, I… I remembered now."

"Finally!" Henri said.

"But, it was a kid… not a midget." Elyne corrected him.

"No, that's a fucking adult… well, maybe only a miniature of it… you see, that midget you saw earlier was a failed clone experiment product and… yada… yada… yada…" Henri blabbered. "You understand what I'm saying?"

Elyne shook her head.

"What's all this got to do with me anyway? I mean, I was all dressed up, ready to go to that strip joint down the street and-" She stopped.

Henri was staring at her with his mouth wide open.

"I said _strip joint_, didn't I?" She asked, giggling in embarrassment.

Henri nodded.

"Oh fuck!" She shouted. "I-I, I… I meant _my friend's party_."

Henri was still staring at her.

"Whatever… anyway, that stupid kid… boy… or midget doodled on my back with his disgusting nose shit. The smell of his shit was so bad… I guess that's why I fainted." She explained. "I-I, I'm sorry for not believing you just now. Anyway, this place… what is it?" She asked, looking around.

"I don't know… But I do know that if you die here, then you die in the real world too…" Henri replied.

"HA-HA! That's _REAL _funny, Henri… seriously, what the hell is this place? She asked, again.

Henri sweatdrop.

"_Dammit! How dumb can this fucking slut be?" _He thought. "Elyne, I'm dead serious about this. Do you see me laugh?" Henri asked.

"Alright… fine. I believe you. So, how do we get the fuck out of this shit place?" She asked.

"Well, there's (1) the hole, (2) the hole, and (3) the hole… which one would you choose?"

Elyne sweatdrop.

Henri was looking at her for an answer.

"Will you just stop looking at me like that?" She shouted.

Henri gave her a cheesy smile.

"Argh! Fine… I choose _the hole_. Now, just take me with you already." She groaned, rolling her eyes over.

"Wise choice!" Henri beamed, as he pulled her up from the bed.

**

* * *

DISCLAIMER: Do we really have to put up this disclaimer thing-y every chapter? It seemed a little stupid though. But, nonetheless, I don't wanna be sued or anything… so, just a little word on my claim to no ownership to Silent Hill and its series, merchandise, or whatever. I also do not own the Teletubbies.**

**A/N: **Alright, chapter 11 is up and running, folks. Would like to thank everyone for their time and effort to read through my previous chapters and I hope that you people would still give your utmost support to my works. Reviews, reviews, and more reviews. TTFN.


	12. Chapter 12: Total Recollection

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 12: Total Recollection**

"Oh, by the way, I found this ugly purple handbag on the floor earlier. I guessed it pretty match you… here, take it." Henri said, pushing the bag into Elyne's face.

"Why- Henri, thanks." Elyne gushed. "Hey! Wait a damn minute. What do you mean by saying that this ugly bag matched me? Are you implying that I'm _ugly_?" She scowled. "Take that, you pansy!" Elyne shouted, slapping the handbag at his head. _"You asshole." _

"_O-U-C-H_!" Henri cried, and ran towards the lift. He frantically pressed at the call button while Elyne limped her way towards him. The lift soon arrived at the second floor as it came to a halt. "Hurry up… hurry up!" He muttered, as he looked over his shoulder to see an angry Elyne catching up with him.

(Ding!)

The buzzer to the lift rang, indicating that the lift had arrived at the second floor, but the doors to the lift never opened. "FUCK!" He exclaimed, as he continued to punch at the call button but to no avail. Seeing that the bitch was getting nearer and nearer, Henri immediately made his exit via the stairway, next to the lift, to escape from the hell bitch.

**_

* * *

_**

(Later…)

Henri dashed out from the stairway of the first floor, followed by a limping Elyne still crazily swinging at her handbag and trying to hit him with it, when he suddenly bumped into something.

(Burping sound.)

"OUCH! DAMMIT!" Henri cried, rubbing at his head.

(Burping sound.)

The two of them stared at the figure before them and screamed. It was Ronald McDonald.

"Hello, boys and girls… sorry for my constant burps, you see, I've just had 274 cheeseburgers, twenty-five gallons of soda, and 162 packets of fries all at one go…" The colorful clown said.

Both Henri and Elyne jawdrop.

"… oh, and by the way, you guys hungry? Want some cheeseburgers?" He asked, as he dug out some sloppy maggot-infested-meat patty burgers from inside his baggy yellow pants.

Henri puked, while Elyne gave a blood-chilling scream and she fainted on the spot.

"Elyne!" Henri shouted, as he watched Elyne collapsed onto the floor in a bundle.

(Burping sound.)

The clown burped again.

Henri immediately took out his metal pipe and started bashing at the freaky clown.

"Ouch… ouch! Stop it!" The colorful clown cried in pain. "Not my face… don't hit my face, you sick fuck!"

Despite Ronald McDonald's constant pleas, Henri continued to attack him and bashed at his face with all his might until the clown had suffered from a severe concussion and he collapsed onto the ground. Henri spat at the fast food mascot with oversized gaudy red shoes and gave his butt a kick before he walked over to Elyne.

"Hey, wake up…" He called, nudging at her ass with his shoes. "Hey, bitch! Get your crappy fat ass up already!" Henri shouted, losing his patience.

"Wha-?" Elyne groaned, as she slowly gained her consciousness. "Henri, what happene-" She suddenly stopped, and turned her head over to see a motionless clown slumped on the concrete floor some distance away. "Is that freak dead yet?"

"I don't know… anyway, let's just get the fuck outta here already…" He replied, grabbing her by the hand and pulled her over and into a nearby room.

(Inside the locker room…)

Henri saw the familiar hole on the wall at the back of the locker room.

"WOO-HOO! A HOLE!" Henri screamed for joy. "Finally, we can get the fuck out of this abnormal world…_" _

"What hole? What? Henri, what the hell are you talking about?" Elyne asked. "And why are you staring at the wall like an idiot?"

"The hole, Elyne… it's this bloody hole I've been telling you. We can finally get out of this fucking place through this hole." Henri shouted, pointing at the wall excitedly..

"Huh? Are you okay? I don't see an-" Elyne said.

"Shut up, bitch and let's going already! The hole waits for no men!" He interrupted.

"B-but… but…" Elyne stammered. _"What the fuck is this self-delusional jackass blabbering? There's no fucking hole here!" _She thought. "H-henri… wait!"

But Henri continued to pull at her hands and he kept moving forward towards the hole on the wall. Elyne struggled hard to break free of his grip. "Henri… I-I, I… I… there's no-" She said.

"Now, now… Elyne, there's no need to be afraid… just move along already…"

"B-but… Henri…"

And so, Henri happily pulled her along as he climbed inside the hole and was zapped back, through the filthy tunnel, to his apartment.

**_

* * *

_**

Henri woke up on his bed, wet and smelly.

"Elyne…" He moaned, as he turned to his side. But, there was nobody. "Elyne? Elyne? Where the fuck are you, bitch?" He shouted, as he looked around the deserted room.

Silence.

Henri swiftly got out of his bed and after a quick change of pants, he exited the bedroom.

"Elyne? Hello?" He shouted across the quiet hallway. "This is not some game of playing hide-and-seek… okay? Come out now, bitch! Its not funny!" Henri continued to shout. As he slowly walked into the living room, Henri saw a yellow envelope and a piece of paper under his door, and he went over to pick them up.

**_"I've found three weird things that seemed to be able to ward off those fucking Teletubbies and other freaky characters in the abnormal world: the Holy Torch Light, Arrow of Obesity, and the Anti-Teletubbies Insane Medallion. This is like sooooo cool! And the best thing is… they are free. Meh, I'm beginning to gain some hope already… oh, and before I forgot, go look for the door on the other side. Then, just keep going down, like there's no tomorrow… yes, down and down, to the deepest part of him. No, not the anal part, you psychopath… it's the stairs, you dumb dumb… so that you could go look for the ultimate truth. _**

**_Joey Schrubber." _**

"What the fuck?" Henri said to himself. "Wait, if the Arrow of Obesity could ward those freaks away…"

Just then, something fell out from the yellow envelope. It was a toy key. Henri bent over to pick the flimsy-looking childish toy key. "Eh? There's something in the yellow envelope…"

**_"Mommy-dearest… do you know that you snore? Anyway, take this! Its inside my toy train. And please wake up already, dammit. Oh, and since you are at it, go make me some breakfast… I'm hungry." _**

"?" Henri thought.

Nonetheless, Henri quickly got the Arrow of Obesity from the Storage Box and headed back to the Storage Room and through the hole on the wall.

**_

* * *

_**

Ronald McDonald slowly woke up from the attack. His head hurt badly. It was as though he had had a hangover or something. _"Dammit! Wait till I lay my hands on those two fucking morons… ooh, they are SO gonna pay for this for hitting at my face!" _The clown spat in anger, as he got himself up from the ground and started to walk around the place, wondering where the hell those two idiots had disappeared to, when he accidentally found a hospital key on the floor, right next to him.

_"Hmmm… this must have belonged to that fucking couple who'd attacked me earlier…" _He thought, as he picked up the key.

Just then, the clown discovered a new opening revealed at the back of the now empty lift shaft, and he walked over for a closer look. _"A door?" _He said to himself, as he tried to open it but it was futile. The door remained stubbornly locked. _"Hmmm… maybe I could use this key to open it…" _He thought, looking at the key he had picked up earlier.

And so, the bright-colored clown managed to unlock the door with the key and he entered it.

**_

* * *

_**

Henri fell out of the hole and landed onto the hard floor. "Ouch!" He cried, rubbing at his aching ass.

"Henri!" Elyne shouted.

"Huh?" Henri mumbled, as he got himself up from the floor. "Elyne? Where the fuck have you been?"

"Here, of course." She replied.

"WHAT? You've been here the whole time? Hell, why didn't you follow me through the hole?" He asked.

"What hole? I didn't see any hole, you idiot… and why did you slam my head against the wall just now?

"What?" Henri asked.

"Stop feigning innocence, you perverted pig… you kept pulling me to that wall just now and before I knew it, my head had banged the wall and I blacked out." She scowled, giving him an angry glare.

"Oh, stop whining, bitch… look, I think I might know a way to save you…" He told her.

"Y-you do? Tell me, dammit!" She asked. "You know I can't stay here by myself. I'll jolly well be contaminated with nose shit and all… I know it…" She babbled.

"Elyne, shut up and listen to me…" Henri said. "Do you know someone named Joey?"

"Joey? Ah, that bastard!" She fumed.

"So, you do know him-" Henri asked. "Wait… why did you call him a _bastard_?"

"Oh nevermind that. Talking about him always made my blood boil. Anyway, Joey's the guy who lived in your apartment before you… I think he's a paparazzi or something… but he'd disappeared about six months before you moved in… but even towards the end, he started to act really psycho…" She said.

"Yeah… he was being harassed by some disgusting bunch of freakos, a Teletubby and some guy called Wolter Salivaman." Henri said. "In fact, this Joey guy gave me a note asking me to go down… down into the deepest part of him…"

"Deepest part of him? Ewwww… that is just so _GAY_!" Elyne groaned, as she started to conceive the many disgusting anal-rimming thoughts between Joey and Henri. Elyne shuddered.

"Whatever… anyway, let's just do that. There must be something ultimate down there…" Henri said.

"Oh gross… do we have to?" Elyne groaned.

"Shut up and stop complaining, bitch! You are beginning to get on my nerves already. Its just some stairs…" Henri said.

_"Stairs?"_ Elyne said in her mind. "Oh…" She mumbled, obviously embarrassed at her sickening and twisted thoughts earlier.

Henri then proceeded to some of the nearby lockers and he started searching through them.

"Henri… what are we doing in here, anyway? Aren't we supposed to get going already?" She asked. "And what the hell are you doing, ransacking those lockers?"

"To get you some proper panties to put on, you psycho-bitch…" Henri replied, in disgust. "Why can't you just put on some decent underwear or something? Its gross to see you walking around without your panties." He said, referring to the over-exposed horrid black bush around her pubic. _"Ewwww…." _

"These are cute, okay?" Elyne said, pointing to the hairy mess between her legs. "Besides, all of my undies in my apartment were stolen."

"They were _what_?" He shouted, looking up from one of the lockers he was searching. _"Damn, someone had managed to lay their hands on her panties faster than me…" _He thought, at the back of his mind.

"Yeah, and I think this had got something to do with that Joey Schrubber…" She said. _"That fucking thief!" _

Henri sweatdrop.

He soon gave up searching for more panties in the lockers, as there were none anyway, and the two of them left the locker room.

"Hey! Where'd that retard Ronald McDonald go?" Henri asked, as he stepped out of the locker room.

The two of them looked around for any signs of that freaky clown.

"Look!" Elyne suddenly shouted.

"GAH!" Henri screamed, and jumped.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Next time, don't you fucking shout behind me, you retard. You almost made me crap in my pants." He cried. "Now, what the fuck is it?" He continued.

"The lift door is opened, and it looked like there's another door inside the empty shaft." Elyne said, pointing inside the lift entrance on the first floor.

The two of them just stared at the opening.

"Ooh… Ahh…" They drooled, simultaneously.

Henri and Elyne quickly made their way through the entrance. However, just as they were frantically running down the stairs, they saw something below that made them froze in their steps.

(Burping sound.)

At the foot of the stairs was Ronald McDonald.

"AHHHHHHH!" They screamed.

Ronald McDonald turned his head to see the two imbeciles screaming at the top of their lungs. "So there you are, you son-of-a-bitch!" He shouted, in anger as he began charging at them. "I'm gonna kill you for hitting my face!"

"GAH! Elyne, you go and keep him busy while I hide behind you…" Henri whined, as he pushed Elyne forward.

Elyne sweatdrop.

Nonetheless, Elyne gave a good fight by hitting and slamming her ugly purple handbag at the face of the clown.

"Not my face, dammit! Not my face!" Ronald McDonald screamed. "AHHHHHHH!"

"Wahahahahahahaha!" Elyne laughed in an evil way as she continued to strike at the clown's face. She continued the attack on his face until the clown fell to the floor, dead from the vicious abuse. Henri shuddered, as he stared in shock at what Elyne had done. Henri took a peep at the body. The clown's face had been beaten till beyond recognition. _"OH MY GOD!" _His inner voice screamed.

Elyne was wiping away the blood on her handbag on the dead clown's clothes, when she called out to Henri, "Henri, let's get going already…"

"O-okay…" Henri gulped, trailing after her in fear.

(Moments later, after the dynamic duo had ran down the zillions of steps down the spiral stairs…)

"Hey! We are back at the Subway!" Henri shouted.

"So?" Elyne asked.

"This is so cool! Its like some déjà vu or something…"

"Oh gross, let's just move along and stop being sentimental already… okay?" Elyne groaned, pushing him forward.

"Fine." Henri said.

Just as they had walked out into the open, a purple Teletubby suddenly jumped in front of them from out of nowhere. Henri screamed. To make matters worse, another Teletubby popped out from behind him. And then another one. And another one. The clone Teletubbies began to surround them and they were all giggling like a bunch of girlies.

Henri immediately pulled Elyne along as they made their break for their lives. The duo ran like crazy as they zoomed past the many purple freaks, towards the concourse.

(Moments later…)

"Henri, can we stop for a while? My leg hurts…" Elyne pleaded.

"NOOO! We can't stop now… the gay fuckers are gonna catch up with us and who knows what they might do to my sexy and hot butt when they've managed to grab a piece of my ass…" Henri screamed, in fear. "… we've gotta hurry up and get the fuck out of this place!"

"Henri, I'm sorry to hurt your feelings… but your butt doesn't look _THAT _sexy… besides, the Teletubbies aren't catching up anyway…" She said.

Henri looked at the far end of the place. Surprising enough, the Teletubbies indeed did not catch up with them. _"Strange… hmmm… must be some glitches in the scene integration… the creatures always failed to be integrated into the next scene..." _he thought. Henri heaved out a sigh of relief. "Alright, let's just mov- OH NO! ELYNE, YOU ARE SHEDDING PUBIC HAIR!" He shouted, pointing to the huge clumps of curly hairs on the floor.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Those are not mine, you idiot!" She said.

"You sure of that?" Henri asked. "How'd you explain all these clumps of disgusting pubic hair all over the floor? You _ARE _not wearing any panties, you know..."

"These are brown pubic hair, Henri… mine is black. Remember?" She asked.

**_

* * *

_**

**_Flashback… _**

**_(Back at the hospital…) _**

**_"Huh? Wha-?" Elyne yawned, as she turned over, exposing the disgusting chunk of black moss between her opened legs. _**

**_"GAH!" Henri gasped in shock, and he puked his guts out. "SHAVE, BITCH! SHAVE!" _**

**_End of Flashback… _**

**_

* * *

_**

"Oh, right…" Henri said, breaking out from his thoughts. "… but, if its not yours, then who the fuck does all these enormous mass of pubic hair belonged to?"

"There's only one way to find out…" Elyne said, as she pulled Henri along, following the sickening trail of pubic hair.

(Follow... follow... follow...)

Soon, the two of them arrived at the ticketing office.

"Look Elyne, the trail stopped here…" He said, looking at the large chunks of brown pubic hair mounting up at the turnstiles.

Suddenly, something stirred in the shadows. From behind the huge clump of messy brown pubic hair, Henri and Elyne saw the shape of a human being slowly crawling along the floor like a cockroach, towards them.

"What are you doing hiding behind me, Henri?" Elyne suddenly asked, rolling her eyes over.

"Who? Me? Uh, nothing… ha-ha…" He said. "Um, Elyne… why don't you go over and make friend with that... um... thing?"

Elyne sweatdrop.

Suddenly, the person before them stopped crawling.

"Eh?" Elyne hushed.

"I'm scared…" Henri groaned, burying his head on her shoulder.

"Shut up, you wussy… you are scared of everything…" Elyne spat.

Henri looked hurt.

Just then, the person on the floor started gurgling and broke into a series of uncontrollable spasms. Henri and Elyne stopped their bickering and looked at the strange happening before them. Then, in the midst of all the spasms and gurglings, the person on the floor suddenly looked up.

Henri and Elyne screamed.**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Silent Hill, McDonald or the Teletubbies.

**A/N: **New chapter! New chapter! Thank you for your support on my previous chapters. Please read and review.


	13. Chapter 13: Die Harder

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 13: Die Harder **

"Hello, Henri… we meet again." The person spoke in an eerie tone.

"GAH! Y-you… you _FUCKING UGLY PIECE OF SHIT_! Who the fuck are you?" Henri screamed, obviously grossed out at the disgusting sight of that rotting piece of shit before him.

"I'm Sinthia…" She moaned.

"S-sinthia?" Henri repeated.

"Who's Sinthia?" Elyne asked, in a trembling voice.

"Sinthia?" Henri asked.

"Yes, Sinthia." Elyne repeated.

"This Sinthia?" Henri asked again, pointing to Sinthia.

"Who? Me?" Sinthia asked. "Yes, I'm Sinthia."

"WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP REPEATING?" Elyne shouted, getting a little impatient. "AND YES, I'M REFERRING TO THIS FUCKED-UP LOOKING GHOST-BITCH BEFORE US! NOW WHO THE FUCK IS SHE?"

"Oh… she's just a slutty whore I've met earlier…" Henri said. "…_WHO STILL OWED ME A SPECIAL FAVOR!_" He growled, giving Sinthia an angry glare as he emphasized on the favor that she had promised.

"Shut up Henri… you left me to die in that office, remember?" Sinthia said.

"Oh yeah… " Henri mumbled. "So, why the hell are you back? Ooh… are you here to give me that special favor? Huh? Are you?" Henri shouted, in excitement. "Hey, maybe we could have a threesome or something..." He looked over at Elyne.

Silence.

"Why the hell are you looking at me for?" Elyne asked. _"You sick pervert!" _

Henri continued to give her the lusty, horny look.

"FUCK YOU, HENRI! I'm not gonna have sex with you and t-that… that ill-looking ghost!" Elyne cried. "Besides, I'm not even sure if any of you had gotten any STDs or something…"

Henri and Sinthia sweatdrop.

"Fine… suit yourself." Henri told Elyne. _"You saucy bitch!"_

"Whatever…" She replied back.

"Now, Sinthia…" Henri turned to the ghost. "… let's just get this special favor done and over with… just you and me!" Henri said, as he started to undress himself. _"Tee-hee… I'm gonna do a ghost! This is so kinky!" _He thought, with a sickening smile on his face.

Sinthia sweatdrop.

"Henri, I can hear your thoughts…" Sinthia moaned.

"Wha-? What are you talking about?" Henri gasped. "Wait a minute… you could hear my thoughts?"

"Duh! I'm a ghost, you dumb fuck! And I definitely could hear your kinky thoughts about doing a ghost…" She replied.

_"SHHHHHHHHHH! Do you have to say that out loud?" _Henri hushed, in an almost inaudible mutter.

"Eewww… Henri, you are so sick!" Elyne groaned, turning away in disgust.

"Now you've done it, you dead bitch!" Henri shouted.

"Shut up, Henri... I only promised to give you my necklace..." Sinthia said. _"How dumb could he get?" _She thought.

"Whatever, now strip, bitch!" Henri commanded.

Sinthia sweatdrop.

"Alright then, Henri… if you say so…" Sinthia said, as she started to remove her clothes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, seeing her badly decomposed body.

"What is it, Henr-" Elyne asked, turning around. "OH MY GOD! HENRI, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Elyne shouted, pointing to Sinthia's one-hell-of-a-mess body.

"I-I… I, I don't know…" Henri stammered, moving away from Sinthia.

Sinthia sweatdrop.

"She's one of them… one of those damned freaky creatures…" Elyne screamed. "Kill her, Henri!"

"B-but Henri…" Sinthia moaned, approaching the two of them.

Henri readily took out the Arrow of Obesity and pointed it at Sinthia. "Stay back!"

"GAH! Get that fucking arrow away from me! Get it away!" Sinthia hissed.

_"Cool… so Sinthia is scared of the arrow… Meh! This is so fun!"_ Henri thought, enjoying the fact that Sinthia is afraid of the arrow. He played around with the arrow by bringing it nearer to Sinthia, just to see her freaked out.

"STOP IT, HENRI!" Sinthia pleaded.

"Hee-hee…" Henri giggled, like a complete moron.

Elyne gave him a smack on the head with her handbag.

"Ouch! It hurts… you fucking bitch!" He cried.

"Quit playing around, you sick bastard. Just kill her already!" Elyne said.

"B-but, what about the favor she'd owed me?" Henri said.

"Are you really sure you still want that favor?" Elyne asked, pointing to Sinthia's badly decomposed body. Henri took a glance at her and he immediately felt like vomiting. "Ewww... hell no!" He groaned.

"Then, what are you waiting for?" Elyne shouted, pushing Henri forward. Incidentally, the push caused him to trip over his own foot, making him fall forward, resulting in the plunging of the arrow into one of Sinthia's boobs.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My implant… my precious breast implant!" Sinthia screamed.

(Poof!)

With that, Sinthia simply turned into a cloud of smelly fart and disappeared.

_"Eewwww! That stinks!"_ Elyne thought, pinching at her nose at the smelly fart.

"Mmmm… nice smell…" Henri spoke aloud, sniffing at the unearthly air around them.

Elyne stared at him in disgust.

Realizing that Elyne was staring at him in a weird way, Henri quickly faked a disgusted look and said, "I-I… I mean... yeah, it stinks... it stinks... ha-ha…"

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Uh… so, let's make a move, eh?" Henri muttered.

"Whatever…" She mumbled.

**_

* * *

_**

(After going down the long escalator…)

Henri and Elyne were inside a room, located at the far end of the platform.

"Henri, what the fuck do you think you are doing?" Elyne asked.

"You stupid or something? I'm trying to climb down this ladder here…" He replied.

"I know that, you idiot! But can't you see that I cannot climb that stupid ladder? Look at me… my hands and legs are all bandaged up like a mummy!" She protested. _"You insensitive pig!" _She thought.

"Well, the ribbons are nicely tied though..." Henri said.

Elyne simply just stared at him.

"Fine! You can just hang around here and rot, if you want to… I'm going down." Henri told her.

"But why are we going down?" She asked, again.

"Here…" Henri said, fishing out a toy key. "… I found this fucking toy key to some train or something, and I strongly believed that it'd probably got something to do with the trains at the station."

"O-alright… I'm coming with you… but, could you help me out with the ladder?" She quacked.

"Okay!" Henri grabbed her by her arm and shoved her down the ladder.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed.

(THUD!)

Elyne landed onto the ground below with a heavy thud. "You jerk… I think my spine is broken…" Elyne cried.

"Shut up and get your fat ass moving, bitch!" Henri scolded, as he climbed down the ladder.

"Why are you doing this to me, Henri?" She cried.

"Because you are a downright milk-stealer!" Henri replied. _"You are definitely gonna pay for all the milk you've stolen when we get back to the real world, bitch!" _He thought.

"Oh… ha-ha… you knew all about the milk thing?"

Henri simply shot her an unwelcoming glare and walked away. Elyne gulped. "O-okay... okay… I'm moving already." She blabbered, as she squirmed herself up from the floor and followed after him.

**_

* * *

_**

(Later…)

The two of them arrived at the train compartment where the funny little box with the words, **_"1000$" _**was located, and Henri used the key to open it up. He managed to pick up a filthy-looking coin from inside the box. "What? That's it? All this walking just to get this fucking dirty shit?" Elyne shouted.

"Wait… something's seemed to be carved onto the coin… if only we could clean away the dirt…" Henri said, ignoring Elyne's irritating blabbering. And so, Henri coughed up a huge amount of phlegm and saliva, and he spat it on to the dirty coin.

"Eeewww…" Elyne groaned, seeing what Henri had done. "… I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Henri slowly worked the slimy fluid around the coin until it was clean.

"Hey! Look, Elyne… its a quarter!" Henri said.

"I-its okay, Henri… I-I don't wanna see it…" Elyne said, totally grossed out at his saliva-cleaning thing.

"Whatever… let's go. I know what we could do with it!" Henri said.

"Really?" Elyne gushed. "Wow! Henri, for once, you showed intelligence!"

Henri sweatdrop.

And so, the two of them got out of the train compartment and made their way to the platform.

"Henri, where are we going? What the hell are you gonna do with that coin?" Elyne asked.

"T-A-D-A!" Henri proudly presented. "HERE IT IS!"

"What the fuck? A vending machine?" Elyne asked.

"Yeah, I was getting kinda thirsty from all the walking around so I'd figured out maybe we could get some drinks with this coin." He replied. "Am I smart or am I smart?"

Elyne sweatdrop.

And so, Henri inserted the coin into the slot and pressed a button.

(Cling!)

Henri reached for the dispenser outlet, only to pick up another key. "WHAT? NO DRINKS?" He cried, throwing the key away. The key struck Elyne on her face. "OUCH!" She cried in pain.

"YOU CHEAT! GIMME MY FUCKING DRINK… Y-YOU EVIL MACHINE!" Henri screamed, as he terrorized the vending machine by kicking and pushing at it.

Elyne picked the key up to look at it. "Look Henri…" Elyne said, reading the tag on the key. "… the tag on the key read _'Dead Bitch Room'_."

"YOU MOTHERFUCKING MACHIN- _WHAT?" _Henri asked, stopping his abuse on the broken machine.

"The Dead Bitch Room…" Henri repeated the words on the tag and turned his attention on Elyne.

"What are you looking at me for? I'm not yet dead!" She said. "This key is for Sinthi-"

"But you are a bitch, right?" Henri interrupted, before Elyne could even finish her sentence.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Shut up, Henri… this key is meant for the room where that Sinthia bitch had died!" Elyne told him. _"What a moron!" _She thought.

"Oh right…" Henri mumbled.

**_

* * *

_**

(Moments later…)

Henri used the key on the door next to the turnstiles, where Sinthia was killed, and they entered the vomit-covered room.

"Look Henri! I've found a dildo!" Elyne shouted with joy.

"WHAT?" Henri walked over to her and looked at her discovery. "This is not a fucking dildo, you stupid bitch! It's a _train handle_, you peanut brain!" Henri screamed.

"Oh…" She apologized.

The dynamic duo then walked all the way back to the train to use the train handle. The train jerked a little and it slowly began to move.

"Woo-hoo… we are finally gonna get out of this place…" Henri said. "Its finally over…"

"Shut the fuck up, Henri… you sounded so… s-so… so Resident Evil." Elyne said.

"So?" He asked.

"You don't get it, do you?" She replied. "Whenever some fuckers in that game said something like _'Its finally over'_, something bad happens." She told him.

"Yeah… like I'm gonna believe you…" Henri giggled, rolling his eyes over.

Suddenly the train stopped.

"See what you did!" Elyne said.

The two of them looked at each other for a while before they proceeded to walk along the train compartments, only to see a new opening from one of the opened doors. The two of them then exited from the train and walked down the steps until they arrived at a door and entered the inter-connecting walkway.

(The walkway suddenly became dream-like and the place suddenly moved round and round…)

"Henri… why is this fucking place moving round and round?" Elyne asked.

"I-I… I don't know…" Henri replied. "I feel like I'm having a hang-over…"

"I feel like vomiting…" She continued.

"Me too…" Henri said, clutching at his stomach.

"Ha-ha…" A person was laughing.

Henri looked up and saw the purple Teletubby floating towards them, with an evil giggle that sent shivers down their spines.

"Hello, Henri… do you want to make lov-" Tinky Winky said, as he walked near them

But before he could even finish his sentence, Henri and Elyne vomited all over him.

"GAH!" The purple Teletubby screamed.

The two of them panicked and they immediately ran away and exited through the door at the other end of the walkway.

"FUCK! WHY DID THEY PUKE AT ME?" Tinky Winky cried. He then used his stubby finger to scoop up a disgusting portion of the slimy vomits from his body and licked at it. "Ooooh… that really turns me on! Tee-hee… I'll get you, Henri… you are mine! MINE! Muwahahahahaha…"

**_

* * *

_**

(Moments later, after the couple had ran down the many zillions of spiral steps…)

They came out from the door at the bottom of the long spiral stairs to find themselves in the forest graveyard.

"Ha-ha…" A familiar sound haunted them as soon as they had stepped into the graveyard.

"What the fuck?" Henri shouted. "My head hurts!"

Standing before them was Tinky Winky. "Heeeeeeeeee…" He giggled.

"What do you want?" Henri asked. "If its sex, then take her…" He said, pushing Elyne to him.

"You bastard!" Elyne shouted, hitting Henri with her handbag.

"Ouch… ouch!" Henri cried.

Henri screamed vulgarities and ran around the graveyard, while Elyne continued to limp after him and hitting him with her handbag.

"Hey! Wait up!" The purple Teletubby said, hopping like a little girl after the two of them. "Henri darling… I'm coming… you can run, but you cannot hide!" Tinky Winky laughed.

"SHUT UP!" Both Henri and Elyne shouted at him.

The purple Teletubby sweatdrop.

And before he knew it, Henri and Elyne had exited from the graveyard through the door on the other side. "Wait…" The Teletubby cried, as he ran for the door.

(SLAM!)

The door slammed directly onto the Teletubby's face. "OUCH! FUCK! FUCK! FUUCCCKKK! MY NOSE!" The gay creature cried. "GAH! BLOOD!" The Teletubby screamed, when he saw fresh blood oozing out from his nose.

The Teletubby groaned and fainted on the spot.

* * *

(Later, outside the graveyard…) 

"What's the matter with you, Elyne?" Henri shouted, as he tried to hide behind a nearby well.

"What's _wrong_?" Elyne exclaimed. "You tried to pimp me away to a fucking gay freako just now, you psycho!" She continued to advance forward.

"Wait…" Henri pleaded. "Stay back, you horrible horrible bitch! Or I'll… I'll-" He stammered.

"You'll what?" Elyne challenged. _"You big pussy!" _

Henri looked around the place for something to throw at her. He could sense Elyne getting closer and closer by the minute. Henri knew that he had to act fast. Then, from the corner of his eyes, he saw something floating on the murky water inside the well and he quickly grabbed it. "Stay back, bitch! I'm warning you… stay back!" He threatened, with the object in his hand.

"GAH!" Elyne screamed, pointing to the object in his hand.

"What?" Henri blabbered.

"Henri! Your hand! Look at the thing in your hand!" Elyne screamed.

Henri briskly turned over to look at the object he had fished out from the well.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Resident Evil and Silent Hill.

**A/N: **First of all, I would like to extend my greatest appreciation to pooper scooper for his/her constructive criticism. But I'm sorry to inform you that my parody is, in fact, based on the game titled 'SH4 The Room' and not the movie. So, please get this straight, okay? Yes, my parody can get boring, funny, weird, disgusting, and etc., but that's how I write my parodies… read my other parody 'Shuddup Hill 2' and you'll know why. And yes, that is also based on the gameplay 'Silent Hill 2' and not the movie. And did I mention that my SH parodies were based on the gameplays and not the movie? Oh, I did? Okay…

I would like to also thank all the people who'd taken the effort and time to read and reviewed my works. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!


	14. Chapter 14: Jester the Stutter

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 14: Jester the Stutter **

Henri screamed like crazy when he saw what was in his hand. It was Jester's charred head.

He immediately threw Jester's charred head away. _"Eewww… Gross…" _He thought.

"W-what the hell was that, Henri?" Elyne asked.

"Its Jester." Henri replied.

"Jester? You mean… like _The Court Jester_?" Elyne asked.

"Wha-? No. Its Jester the Stutter." He said. "HEY! It rhymes! Jester the Stutter… get it? Wahahahahaha…" Henri broke into an uncontrollable laughter.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"S-shut up, H-henri…" Jester shouted.

Henri stopped laughing and looked at Elyne.

"Did you just talk to me, bitch?" Henri asked.

Elyne shook at her head.

"I-its m-me, you a-assface!" Jester said.

The two of them then looked down at he grass area next to them. To their horror, they saw the charred head staring at them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The duo screamed.

**_

* * *

_**

(Meanwhile…)

"Ow…" The Teletubby moaned, as he slowly opened his eyes. _"What the fuck happened?" _The purple freak thought.

"Hey, Tee-Wee baby… you alright?" A voice asked. "OH MY GOD! YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING LIKE FUCK!"

Tinky Winky slowly brought himself up from the ground and looked over at the direction to the voice. A groggy vision of a colorful-looking person soon came to his view. It was Wolter, the fruitcake. "Stop calling me baby, you prick!" The purple gay creature asked, rubbing at his eyes. _"Oh god! My face hurts like shit_!" Tinky Winky groaned.

"What happened?" Wolter asked.

"Henri… slammed the door at my face…" Tinky Winky fumed. _"That bastard!" _

"OH MY GOD! TEE-WEE BABY, YOUR NOSE!" Wolter suddenly shouted.

"What? What about my nose?" Tinky Winky asked. "What? What? WHAT? Tell me, dammit!" Tinky Winky demanded.

"Its _SO_ not pretty… I mean with all the blood and all…" Wolter whined like a girl, as he played around at the ribbon on his hair.

The Teletubby sweatdrop.

**_

* * *

_**

"Its ALIVE!" Henri screamed, as he jumped onto Elyne.

"Henri… get off of me…" Elyne cried, struggling to break free from his clutches.

Henri shook his head and whined like a puppy, as he wrapped himself tightly around Elyne's body.

"Look, Henri… its just a fucking head. Its not going to chase after you or something…" Elyne said, as she struggled to keep herself balanced. "… so get the fuck off me, you swine."

Henri reluctantly loosened his grip and let go of her.

"H-hey, H-henri… c-come over a-and pick m-me up, w-will y-you?" Jester stammered.

"GAH! NO!" Henri screamed, and he ran behind Elyne.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing, Henri?" Elyne asked, rolling her eyes over.

"Uh… nothing, Elyne…" Henri replied.

"Then hurry up over and pick that freaky head already." She said.

"WHAT? Pick up that freaky head?" Henri shouted.

"Y-yeah, p-pick me u-up a-already… H-henri…" Jester cried.

"Shut up, you egghead!" Elyne scolded.

Jester looked hurt.

"But, what the fuck are we going to do with Jester's head?" He asked.

_"We could sell it to the freak circus later…" _Elyne hushed softly at Henri's ear, trying to make sure that Jester doesn't hear her.

"B-but… b-" Henri mumbled.

Elyne shot him an angry stare.

Henri fell silent. There was something about Elyne's glare that made him felt like peeing in his pants. He then reluctantly inched himself forward and picked up the disgusting head by its hair. "Eewwww… Elyne, it feels cold and clammy… what shall we do with it?"

"Here… you can put it inside my handbag." She replied, opening the purple bag.

Henri immediately threw the head inside her handbag. _"Gross… gross… gross…" _He thought, as he wiped his hands at his pants.

"T-thank y-you… t-thank you… t-thank y-you… t-thank you… t-thank y-you… t-thank you… t-thank y-you…" The head moaned.

"Shut up, you egghead!" Elyne shouted at the head in the bag.

Silent.

(Five seconds later…)

"S-say, h-have y-you guys g-got any c-chocolate m-milk by a-any c-chance?" Jester asked, from inside the handbag. "I-I'm t-thirsty… r-really t-thirsty… thirsty… v-very t-thirsty…"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Both Henri and Elyne screamed.

**_

* * *

_**

(Moments later…)

The two of them walked along the northern passage and into a Tool Room of some sort, where he managed to pick up a Pick Axe of Happiness and a weird-looking Teletubby Crested Plate from a naked Teletubby statue by the lake.

"Henri, look… its that kid… I mean, midget." Elyne said, pointing to the back of the statue.

"W-what m-midget?" Jester mumbled from inside the handbag. "L-let me s-see… l-let m-me see…"

"Shut up, Jester! Speak only when you are spoken to…" Elyne scolded, as she slammed the handbag against the rock next to her.

"O-ouch… o-ouch…" Jester cried, in pain.

Henri turned towards the direction where Elyne had pointed.

"Hey, you… you are Wolter Salivaman, right?" Henri asked.

"Yeah, that's what everybody calls me… but I don't really have a name..." The Wolter midget replied, somehow in a girl-like arrogant manner.

"_I don't have a name…" _Henri repeated, imitating the girly way that Wolter midget spoke. "So, are you trying to mysterious, or what?"

Wolter sweatdrop.

"Well, what about a mom or dad?" Henri joked. "Oh, I forgot, you are a fucking clone… you don't have any parents… ha-ha!"

"Are you trying to be sarcastic?" Wolter scowled.

Henri giggled like a retard while Elyne shook at her head disapprovingly.

"For your information, my daddy is a Test Tube while my mommy is Room 302…" The Wolter midget said, proudly. "… at least, that's what I was told."

"M-my mommy was a-an egghead… t-that's w-why I l-looked like a-an egghead t-too…" Jester muttered.

"Did that bag just talked?" Wolter asked, pointing at the purple handbag.

"Uh, no." Elyne said.

"I could have sworn I heard the bag said something just now…" Wolter continued.

"You heard wrongly." Elyne assured him. "Right, Henri?"

"Uh, yes." Henri replied, looking nervous.

"Yeah, how could a SILLY . BAG . TALK?" Elyne shouted, as she slammed the handbag continuously at a nearby rock.

"O-ouch… o-ouch… o-ouch…" Jester cried.

Henri and Wolter shuddered.

(After five minutes of slamming the bag…)

"So, where were we?" Elyne asked.

"Um… my mommy." The Wolter midget replied.

"Oh right… our _Little Miss Room 302_." Elyne said in sarcasm, as he rolled his eyes over.

"Yeah… my mommy likes to sleep all day long…" The Wolter midget said, looking at Henri with innocent eyes. "… and she snores real loud!"

"Henri, I think that there's something wrong with that Wolter midget…" Elyne hissed, pulling him by the sleeves. "I think he's somewhat gone cuckoo in the brain department…"

"Yeah… and I think he's seriously deluded too." Henri whispered to Elyne.

"… and according to the Konami Official Website, it says that I'll be with my mommy dearest soon." Wolter continued, obviously unaware of what both Henri and Elyne had badmouthed about him behind his back.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Ooh… I gotta run… my mommy's cooking breakfast for me." Wolter said, running away from the two adults.

"What the-?" Henri gasped.

**_

* * *

_**

(Later…)

Henri and Elyne had walked into the compound of the House of Dorks.

"Meh! This place looked like shit!" Henri commented, looking at the remains of what was left of the bloody dorky house. "This was all that stupid Jester's fault… for playing with fire!" Henri said.

"H-henri… I-I'm here… a-and I c-can h-hear you…" Jester mumbled from inside Elyne's handbag.

"NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT!" Elyne scolded. "Wait a minute! Henri… do you smell something?" Elyne asked, sniffing around the place.

"Huh? What smell?" He asked, taking a deep breath. "BLETCH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?" He said, cringing at the disgusting pungent around them.

The two of them continued to sniff around as they followed the putrid smell until they had finally managed to identify the source of that deadly pungent.

It was coming from Elyne's handbag.

"GAH!" Elyne screamed, obviously grossed out with the smelly handbag in her hand.

"WHY YOU FUCKING SMELLY HEAD!" Henri shouted, as he snatched the handbag from Elyne's hand and opened it up, only to find Jester's head smiling like a complete idiot at them.

"H-hi!" Jester beamed.

"We've got to dispose off the fucking head inside." Henri proposed.

"Right! We should dispose away this friggin' irritating head before he starts to dirty my handbag…" Elyne agreed.

"Well, you are probably right, Elyne." Henri said, looking around the place for a dumping ground to dispose off the head. "Hmmm… how about… um… there!" He said, pointing to the now empty charred space, where the House of Dorks once stood, in front of them.

They walked up a plank joining to the middle of the burn-down house, where a badly charred wheelchair, with a sexy _headless_ female mannequin body, stood gloriously on the wooden platform.

"Wow, look at all the rubbish here…" Elyne said, referring to the blackened wheelchair and mannequin. "Let's just dump the head here…"

"Wait… there seemed to be a piece of paper on the mannequin…" Henri said, picking up the paper.

**_"Though I'm a headless prick, _**

**_I am not stupid enough to let you pass here… _**

**_unless you give me a head. _**

**_No, I'm not talking about a dickhead, you dumbshit… _**

**_I needed a head. A real head with eyes, nose, and mouth, dammit! _**

**_To prepare for the Provider of Dumbness. _**

**_Hurry up, and go find me a head from inside the wetness. _**

**_When my body is once again whole, the path to below will be opened. _**

**_But of course, since you are the Provider of Dumbness, _**

**_you will definitely NOT understand my words. _**

**_HA! The believer of stupidity. _**

**_Anyway, just do as you are told…" _**

"What the fuck is this all about? And who the fuck is this Provider of Dumbness, anyway?" Henri groaned, as he slipped the piece of note inside his pocket and scratched at his head.

"Whatever… now hurry up and dispose that friggin head already…" Elyne said.

Henri opened up her handbag and spat at the head before he poured out Jester's rotting head from the handbag.

"Now, let's just get the fuck outta here already… this place stinks like shit!" Henri said.

"Wait! I've got a better idea." Elyne grinned, as she reached for the head on the floor and proceeded to stick it on the headless female mannequin body.

"W-what are y-you t-trying t-to do?" Jester asked, as his eyes darted around nervously.

(Pop!)

"There… that'll teach you a lesson not to fart inside _MY _handbag!" Elyne giggled, as she stuck the annoying egghead on the mannequin body.

"GAH! F-FUCK! T-this is a f-female m-mannquin!" Jester screamed, as he looked down at the body below. His head struggled and writhed in agony, trying to squirm out of the sickening sissy body. "H-help!" Jester screamed.

"Wahahahahahahahahahaha!" The two of them laughed.

(Click!)

Suddenly, the entire wheelchair moved, shifting to the side, to reveal a flight of steps leading down into the darkness.

"Wooooo… ahhhhh!" Henri and Elyne drooled.

"G-get me o-out of t-this f-fucking sissy m-mannequin…" Jester continued to scream, as he struggled.

"Hey, Jester…" Henri called out.

"Huh? W-what?" Jester asked, as he stopped his frantic struggling.

"You've got nice boobs!" He said, pointing to the voluptuous boobs of the female mannequin body. "Wahahahahahahahahaha…"

Jester sweatdrop.

"I-I'm gonna g-get y-you, H-henri…" Jester screamed, angrily.

Suddenly, the wheelchair burst into flames.

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Jester laughed. And like magic, the entire burning wheelchair floated up in the air and started to spin like crazy. Elyne screamed, as small balls of fire began to fly out from the spinning wheelchair, and she sprinted down the flight of stairs for cover.

Henri tried to run after her, but the flaming wheelchair came down and blocked his path.

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Jester continued to laugh.

"GAH!" Henri screamed. Henri knew that the only way for him to get rid of the egghead was to use the Arrow of Obesity, just like what he had done to that ghastly Sinthia earlier. He quickly took out the Arrow of Obesity and stabbed the arrow directly into Jester burning head.

(Poof!)

The burning wheelchair, together with the mannequin and Jester's head, immediately turned into a gust of smelly fart.

_"Sweet!"_ Henri told himself.

**_

* * *

_**

After descending down the stairs, Henri and Elyne arrived at the prayer room of some sort. There was practically nothing much in the room, except for an altar located at the end. On the Altar was a picture of a five-legged dog. Henri walked over to the Altar. "What the fuck? A _five-legged dog?" _Henri thought.

"Look, Henri… there's a piece of paper under the picture." Elyne exclaimed.

Henri reached for the paper and picked it up.

**_"The Descent of the Sleeping Mommy – The 21 Idiots _**

**_The First Sign _**

**_And the Dog said, _**

**_At the time of foolishness, fill the world with my stupidity _**

**_Gather forth the Olive Oil, the VooDoo cup and the saliva of the Ten suckers. _**

**_Prepare for the Ritual of the Sleepy Awakening. _**

**_The Second Sign _**

**_And the Dog said, _**

**_Offer the foul dishes of the Ten Chosen Ones_**

**_And pass the salt_**

**_Then, simply remove the bones from the flesh of the chicken, and_**

**_Gain the title of Master Chef of the Kitchen._**

**_From the pots and pans, bring forth the olive oil, and grill thyself with_**

**_Desert for the Provider of Dumbness _**

**_The Third Sign_**

**_And the Dog said,_**

**_Place the Stove through the Chef's Boob-alicious recommendation._**

**_Under the Peeping eye of the Chef, walking around by himself_**

**_with disgusting Cooties, only then will all the Four _**

**_Delicacies be served on the same plate. _**

**_The Last Sign _**

**_And the Dog said…" _**

Henri stopped and looked up from the paper, with a look of disgust on his face.

"What? What did the dog say about the Last Sign?" Elyne asked.

Henri showed her the paper.

"Huh?" Elyne mumbled, reading at the last sentence of the message on the paper.

It read, **_"The Last Sign, and the Dog said… Go fuck yourself." _**

"What kind of stupid message is this anyway?" Elyne asked, still reading at the piece of paper in her hands. "Meh! I feel so insulted."

"Well, fuck the message, Elyne. Nothing in this weird world made sense…" Henri replied, as he snatched the paper from her hands.

"So, how the hell are we going to get out of this abnormal world? I can't take it any longer… the weirdness is making me crazy…" Elyne blabbered.

"Hmmm…" Henri hummed, looking at the surrounding as he stashed away the piece of paper inside his pocket. "… I guess we've got no other options but to go through that weird door over there."

Elyne looked in the direction Henri was referring to. Next to the Altar was a funny-looking door with the plate-shape carving of a Teletubby in the middle. Henri tried his hands on the knob, only to find that the door was locked.

"ARRGGGHHHH! What the hell is wrong with this place? Why are all the doors locked?" Henri screamed.

"Henri, we could use the Teletubby Crested Plate…" Elyne informed him.

"WHY? WHHYYY? WHY CAN'T WE OPEN THE DOOR? WHY?" Henri cried.

"Shut the fuck up, you pansy..." Elyne shouted. "USE THE TELETUBBY CRESTED PLATE, ALREADY!"

Henri kept banging his head on the door. _"WHY?" _He thought.

"HELLO? HENRI? Did you hear what I've just said?" Elyne asked.

Henri suddenly stopped his banging and looked up. "Wait… we could use the Teletubby Crested Plate we've found earlier…" Henri shouted.

"But, that's what I said!" Elyne tried to tell him.

"Tsk… tsk… tsk… You are just jealous because I've managed to come up with the solution." Henri said. _"What a sore loser…"_ He thought.

Elyne sweatdrop again.

And so, Henri dug out the disgusting Teletubby Crested Plate and stuck it into the indent on the door, and the door creaked open to reveal a spiral stairway.

_"Oh no… not another spiral stairway…" _Henri groaned.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the Teletubbies, Konami, and of course… Silent Hill.

**A/N: **Another update! I'm glad that you people are enjoying my work. Someone once asked me what the hell was I even thinking when I wrote such weird parodies. Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm a genius. Or maybe I'm drunk. But I'm definitely NOT crazy. So, please do not send any more straightjackets to my home already! Okay, the part on the straightjackets was fake. I'm just kidding…really. Ooh, I'm so excited today because I've received a present. I wonder what it is… (unwraps the gift)… GAH! What the fuck? Alright, which one of you readers had sent a fucking straightjacket to me? (HA! Bad joke!)


	15. Chapter 15: Of Pees and Shits

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 15: Of Pees and Shits**

As they were halfway walking down the long spiral stairway, Eylne suddenly let out a loud moan.

"What is it, now… bitch?" Henri groaned, stopping in his track as he rolled his eyes over.

"Henri… I'm tired… can we take a rest or something?" Elyne said, clutching at her bandages as she struggled down the stairs.

"Rest? At this time? What's wrong with you anyway?" Henri said. "I haven't got all day, you know… we've got to get the fuck out of this place as fast as possible…"

"I know… but I'm really tired, Henri…" She said. "… I-I, I think its probably the after-effect from all the disgusting pills I'd taken back at the hospital…"

"Pills? What pills?" He asked. "I don't remember seeing any pills in that filthy hospital room you were in…"

"Yes there is… its those tiny brown pills by my bedside…" She replied.

Henri paused and pondered for a while. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "GAH! Elyne, those were _NOT _pills, you idiot! Those were rat droppings! I can't believe you swallowed them…" Henri gasped, in horror. _"Eewwwww…"_

Elyne stood frozen for two seconds before she went into a state of realization and started to go into a state of frenzy. She wanted to puke. She retched at the thought that she had mistook those rat droppings for pills.

"Elyne… you okay? W-what are you doing?" Henri asked, as he saw her retched in agony. "Wait… are you going to…? No… no, wait… don't puke on me, you bitch!" Henri screamed, in terror as he saw Elyne approaching him, gagging at her own saliva. "Look, we are going to find you a bathroom or something, okay?"

And so, Henri quickly pulled Elyne all the way down the remaining spiral stairway.

(Later…)

The duo entered through the door located at the end of the annoying spiral stairway and found themselves arriving at the roof of the Water Jail. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Tinky Winky appeared.

"Hehehehehehehehe…" The purple creature gave an irritating high-pitched giggled.

"GAH!" Henri screamed.

Elyne was turning blue in the face from the controlling of her urge to vomit.

"Wahahahahahahahaha…" The Teletubby continued to giggle, as it moved closer to them. Elyne could no longer hold her stuff any more. She suddenly gave a loud burp and vomited all over the Teletubby.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" Tinky Winky screamed, over the enormous amount of gross vomits on his body. The purple creature stumbled a few steps backwards, and tripped over the concrete railing, falling off from the top of the Water Jail roof. "… AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri sweatdrop.

(Moments later…)

The two of them had entered into the third floor of the Water Jail premise.

"Henri, I-I, I feel like vomiting some more…" She retched and gagged, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What? A-again?" Henri asked.

**_

* * *

_**

**_Flashback… _**

**_Elyne could no longer hold her stuff any more. She suddenly gave a loud burp and vomited all over the Teletubby. _**

**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" Tinky Winky screamed, over the enormous amount of gross vomits on his body before he stumbled a few steps backwards, tripped over the concrete railing, and fell off the top of the roof. "… AHHHHHHHHHHH!" _**

**_End of Flashback… _**

**_

* * *

_**

The thought of Elyne's vomit made Henri shuddered. He immediately pulled her along the circular corridor, and grabbed upon the first door they came to. Henri opened it. Inside the cell was a huge gapping hole on the ground with a urine-stained bed next to it. Henri quickly kicked Elyne inside, and slammed the door shut after her.

"W-what are you doing, H-henri?" Elyne shouted at Henri through the tiny opening on the door, from the inside of the cell.

"Look, I don't want you to go vomiting all over me like that sickass Teletubby…" Henri said. "… in the meantime, I think its better that you clear your fucking vomits in that hole on the ground." He told her, pointing to the big gapping hole on the ground next to the urine-stained bed in the cell.

"B-but, Henri I-" But before she could even finish her sentence, Elyne began to vomit.

_"Eewww…" _Henri groaned, peeping through the opening on the door from outside. "Uh, Elyne… I guess I'd go explore the place first… I'll come back for you once you've finished puking."

"O-okay-" She stammered, before she started vomiting again.

And so, Henri left the bitch and continued to walk down the circular corridor when he spotted a creature with two heads slowly approaching him.

"What the fuck?" He exclaimed. "Get away from me, you freak!"

"_BollyBolly_…" One of the heads said, with an idiotic look on his face.

"Will you just stop that _Bolly Bolly _imitation?" The other head shouted. "Oh, hi there… This is my brother, Bolly, and I'm Milly. We are the Lokanes." The head turned to Henri and introduced herself.

"Um… why do you have a tail?" Henri asked, staring wearily at the lower torso of the creature before him.

"Oh this?" The female head said, pointing to the long object sticking down from its body to the ground. "Its not a tail… its Bolly's penis."

Henri jawdrop. "What the fuck? Penis? But how can it be that long?" Henri asked.

"_BollyBolly_…"

"Shut up, Bolly…" Milly shouted, before turning her head to Henri. "Anyway, Bolly's penis used to be even longer… but you see, my papa and mama were poor, so we had to cut some of it for our dinner…" Milly replied, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Wait… you freaks have parents?" Henri asked.

"We are not freaks, you moron. We used to be normal children…" Milly replied.

"So, what the fuck happened?" He asked, again. "How'd the two of you become like this?"

"You see, ever since our parents had choked themselves dead eating Bolly's penis, we were adopted by a purple Teletubby. And he had been feeding us real food." Milly said. "Finally! I'm rid of eating Bolly's fucking penis…" She heaved a sigh of relief.

"_BollyBolly…" _

Milly slapped Bolly hard on his face. "Shut up, you idiot!" She scowled.

"W-wait… _purple Teletubby_? You were adopted by the purple Teletubby?" Henri gasped. "But what the fuck does that got to do with you two children becoming a one-body-two-headed freak like this? Its gross, you know… and its definitely not the most fashionable thing this summer…" Henri complained.

Milly sweatdrop.

"The Teletubby had a slave… a girly guy with blond hair and colorful ribbons…" Milly continued.

_"Wolter?" _Henri thought.

"This fruity-looking guy killed me and my brother, chopping us to pieces with an axe and minced us up with a blending machine…" Milly said. "… afterwhich, our souls were then being sucked up by a vacuum and were then being further processed and compressed at one of Umbrella Corporation Branch Laboratories located at the outskirts of Shuddup Hill to become what we are today."

Henri sweatdrop.

"Uh, t-that's interesting…" Henri blabbered. _"What the fuck does this gotta do with Umbrella Corporation?" _He thought.

"_BollyBolly…_" Bolly continued to chant, in a silly manner.

"So, why the fuck are you freaks here, anyway?" Henri asked Milly, as he looked away from Bolly, in disgust.

"You see, we were told to haunt your ass down." Milly told him.

"_BollyBolly…_"

"SHUT UP!" Both Henri and Milly screamed at the other head.

Bolly sweatdrop.

"Now, where was I… hmmm… oh yes, Bolly and myself are suppose to haunt your cute little ass down and-" Milly said.

"Hunt my ass? Wait… did that fucktart gay Teletubby asked you to do this?" Henri interrupted.

Bolly kept nodding his head in a silly way.

"Yes." Milly said. "Now, meet your doom!"

The two-head creature immediately charged at Henri. Henri screamed like a girl and ran round the circular corridor while the two-headed creature gave chase after him.

"ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Milly screamed.

"_BollyBollyBollyBolly…_" Bolly chanted, annoyingly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed.

Then, in the middle of all the running, the two-headed creature accidentally bumped into a sewage pipe hanging down from the ceiling above and they fell to the wet ground, unconscious, from severe double head concussion.

"Ha-ha!" Henri turned and laughed at the unconscious creature.

(CRUSH!)

The lower connection of the sewage pipe cracked opened, and loads of smelly shit and other wastes came gushing out. Henri stopped and gagged as the smelly water began to fill the corridor. Henri panicked. _"Elyne!" _He thought, and he quickly rushed over to the cell, where he left Elyne.

"Elyne…" He shouted, as he opened the cell door. "You finished with your sickening vomiting?"

"Wha-?" She looked up from her pool of her fresh vomits. "I-I… I think so…"

"We've gotta get the fuck outta here… NOW!" He said.

"Why?" She asked. "And what the fuck is that smell? I-it seemed to be coming from your body… Henri, did you just fart?"

"Shut up, you fool… the sewage pipe has broke and the place is flooded with shit water!" He told her.

Soon, the brownish smelly sewage water began to seep into the cell. Elyne gasped while Henri whined like a big pussy.

"Hurry up, Elyne… MOVE!" He screamed, pushing her towards the big hole on the ground in the middle of the cell and attempted to jump in.

"N-no… wait, Henri… we can't jump in there… I-I, I've just vomited into-" Elyne stammered.

"Shut up, Elyne and jump!" Henri screamed, pushing her into the hole and jumping in after her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The two of them screamed.

(Second Floor…)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(First Floor…)

"Henri, are we there yet?" Elyne asked, while they were still falling in midair.

"I-I… I don't know." He replied.

"What do you mean you don't know? We've been like falling for a long time already and my throat is getting hoarse from all the screaming but nothing is happening…" She said, in the middle of their free-fall.

"Elyne…"

"What?"

"Just scream…" Henri told her.

"Oh, alright… AHHHHHHHHHHH…" She mumbled, as she faked an emotion-less scream.

(Basement kitchen…)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(THUD!)

"I'm alive!" Henri cheered. "I'M FUCKING ALIVE!"

"Ack… Henri, you are… ack… sitting on top… ack… of me!" Elyne mumbled, as she struggled to get up.

"Oops…" Henri smiled apologetically, and stood up when suddenly, his foot slipped on something slimy on the floor and he fell back onto Elyne.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! My back! MY BACK!" Elyne squawked. "Pain… pain…"

"Holy fuck! What the hell is this slimy mess? Henri cried, staring at the disgusting milky stuff everywhere.

"Ack… get off of… ack… me, you … idiot!" Elyne cried.

"Oh, right…" Henri said, as he quickly rolled over to the side and got to his feet.

"These are my vomits, you asshole!" She said, when she finally managed to get herself up from the floor.

"GAH! Y-your vomits?" He screamed, scraping away the slimy chunks of disgusting stuff from his body. _"Eeeewwwww…" _He thought.

"Like _duh_! I wanted to tell you that I had vomited through the hole on the ground just now, but you just kept pushing me down the hole and-" She explained. However, before Elyne could finish her sentence, a tremendous gush of brown sewage water came flushing down from the hole above them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" They screamed, as the smelly shit water splashed down. Henri swiftly scanned around the kitchen, when he spotted the Die Room at the far corner.

The door to the Die Room was opened.

"QUICK, INTO THE DIE ROOM… HURRY!" Henri shouted.

The two of them hurriedly dashed inside the Die Room and closed the door behind them.

"What should we do, Henri?" Elyne asked, as soon as they'd entered into the Die Room.

Henri's throat felt dry. He looked at the frightened look on Elyne's face. He, too, was scared like shit but he knew that this was not the time to be scared. Henri knew that there must be a way out. He stared at the gap under the door. The familiar smelly brown water was beginning to seep into the room. Henri's heart dropped when he saw the gross liquid filling the room in a horrifying speed. The water level started to rise. He wished for a miracle but somehow, Elyne was not helping as she was constantly yelping like a crazy woman beside him.

"HEELLLPPPP!" She screamed, as she waded around the smelly water, like a fool.

Henri sweatdrop.

The shit water level soon rose to their knee level.

"What should we do, Henri? What should we do? WHHAAATTTT?" Elyne screamed, like a mad woman.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Henri croaked, punching her in the face.

"GAH!" Elyne fell onto the dirty water. "Henri… h-help… I-I, I can't swim…" She croaked, splattering at the water around her.

"Elyne?" Henri shouted.

"W-what?" She asked, as she continued to splatter furiously at the water.

"The water is only knee-level…" Henri muttered, in disgust.

The splattering stopped.

"Oh…" She said, and stood up.

"Look, this isn't the best place to hang around… and I seriously think that there won't be any other way out from here. I personally think that if we were to stay here any longer, we'll die…" Henri informed her.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"Don't you see? If there's a way out, that fatass AnDrool wouldn't have drowned in this room…" Henri replied.

"Who the fuck is AnDrool? Is he cute?" She asked.

"Not if you considered serving him, roasted, on the dinner table... wahahahaha…" Henri laughed, picturing AnDrool as a roasted pig.

Elyne sweatdrop.

(Moments later…)

Henri and Elyne finally managed to get themselves onto some dry lands. Elyne said she wanted to pee at a nearby corner and asked Henri to turn away.

"Do not peep, Henri… or your eyes will rot!" Elyne threatened.

"Not even if you pay me a million bucks, bitch!" Henri groaned, and turned away, when he saw a familiar hole on the wall next to him. "Eh? A hole…" Henri whispered, as he slowly walked over and he clumsily climbed through the hole on the wall.

_(ZAP!) _

**_

* * *

_**

Henri woke up in his bed, wetting his pants as usual. And after he has made a quick change of pants, he hurriedly exited his bedroom.

Just as he has stepped into the living room, Henri saw another piece of paper stuck underneath the door and he walked over to pick it up.

**_"I'm going to blog about that weirdo Wolter Salivaman. Wolter was born right here in Room 302 of North AssFeeld Heights. His parents had always thought that they would give birth to some burgers or pancakes… but when they saw a baby coming out from the vagina, they groaned and abandoned him as they had thought that the baby had eaten their food. _**

**_Soon, Wolter was adopted by a Teletubby. The Teletubby was the director of the local research facility, also known as the Dorky House. When he was six, the Teletubby brought him back to Room 302, where he tried to re-create more clones of Wolter. _**

**_And so, Wolter began to believe that the Room 302 was his mother. _**

**_July 28" _**

_"Huh? So, that's why that midget Wolter thought that his dad was a test tube while his mom's a fucking room…"_ Henri thought.

Nonetheless, with nothing else to do in his apartment, Henri decided to head back into the hole in his bathroom.

_(ZAP!) _

**_

* * *

_**

Henri flew out of the forsaken hole on the wall and he landed onto Elyne, who was still peeing at one corner with her skirt flipped up and her ass exposed. Henri squashed his face directly onto her naked butt.

"AHHHHHH! RAPE! RAAPPPEEEE!" Elyne screamed.

"N-no Elyne… its not what you think…" Henri explained, as he quickly pushed his face away from her ass.

"Shut up Henri…" She shouted, standing up as she adjusted at her skirt. "YOU PERVERT!"

"Elyne, I can explain everything…" Henri blabbred.

Elyne looked at him in disgust. "Okay, talk!"

"Look, I went back to my apartment through that hole on the wall just now and when I tried to return here, it simply spat me out… that's why I landed onto you." Henri flabbergasted.

"Wait… what thing spat you out?" Elyne asked.

"The hole, Elyne… the hole on the wall spat me out!" He replied, pointing to the enormous hole on the wall behind him.

Elyne took a peep over his shoulder.

"Fuck you, Henri! I don't see any hole on the wall!" She shouted.

"Huh? You blind or something?" Henri said, turning around. "Look, its right there!"

"Henri, what fucking gibberish nonsense are you talking about? I don't see any fucking hole? Not at the hospital. Not here." She said. "Look, I know I'm all pretty and sexy… if you really wanna hit on me, say so…"

"WHAT?" Henri screamed, in disbelief. _"I'd rather kill myself." _

"I know what you've been hinting at, Henri… of the talk about holes and going through them…" She continued.

"Huh?"

"You want _MY HOLE_, isn't it?" Elyne giggled.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Whatever, you delusional bitch!" He said, walking away in disgust.

_"Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne…" _Elyne sang, as she followed behind him.

"SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Henri screamed.

Silence.

(Two seconds later…)

_"Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… tra-la-la-la…" _Elyne continued.

Henri sweatdrop.

(Later…)

The two of them were walking down some flights of stairs when suddenly, Henri saw a shadow flashing pass them.

"Wha-?" He gasped, and stopped.

"_Henri love Elyne… tra-la-la-la… Henr-" _Elyne slammed into him from behind. "Ouch! Dammit! Why'd you stop?"

"Something's wrong…" He told her.

"Yeah… and that is, you are not singing along with me!" She said.

"No, you shit bitch… its not that…" Henri said. "Something is really wrong here and-"

But before Henri could even complete his sentence, a fat mass of a ghost suddenly appeared before them.

"BOO!" The ghost said, floating towards them with at least a million tiny spiders crawling out of his mouth.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri and Elyne screamed.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Silent Hill, the Teletubbies, Resident Evil, Umbrella Corporation, Konami, and Capcom.

**A/N: **Finally, a new chapter. I'm sorry the update's a little slow… I've been suffering from some chest pain since yesterday and I'm feeling kinda terrible now. I guess I'll probably pay a visit to the doctor later… hope its nothing serious. Anyway, appreciate you kind readers out there for your support and I look forward to your reviews. TTFN.


	16. Chapter 16: Final Fantastic

**Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version **

**Chapter 16: Final Fantastic **

"GAH! SPIDERS!" Elyne screamed.

_"Eewwwww…"_ Henri thought, at the sight of seeing those disgusting spiders erupting from the person's mouth.

"Hehehehe… Hello, Henri." The ghost finally spoke, with his mouth full of spiders.

"A-anDrool?" Henri muttered.

"Huh? AnDrool's a spider?" Elyne asked, staring at the creatures moving around AnDrool's mouth. "So, which one of these spiders is AnDrool?"

Henri and AnDrool sweatdrop.

"Not the spiders, you dumb pussy…" Henri groaned, at her stupidity. "… its the floating fat fuck."

"Oh…" She said, embarrassed.

AnDrool shook at his head.

"Why are you here, AnDrool? I thought you hated spiders?" Henri asked, turning to the fat floating ghost before them.

"Well, ever since I'm dead, I can't seem to be able to get out of this fucking place…" He moaned. "… and now the spiders are my new best friends…"

Henri sweatdrop.

"At least you got your spiders to keep you company…" Henri comforted him.

"Is that an insult?" AnDrool shouted, spitting out some spiders at the couple before him in the process.

"Hey! Watch it… this dress is expensive, okay?" Elyne cried, furiously brushing away the saliva-coated spiders that had gotten onto her dress and stamping the poor eight-legged creatures with her shoes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" AnDrool screamed, seeing his beloved spiders being squashed to death. "YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR KILLING MY SPIDERS!" AnDrool continued to scream, charging towards the two of them.

_"Oh shit!"_ Henri gulped.

"What? What'd I do?" She blabbered.

"Dammit, Elyne… why'd you step on his spiders for?" Henri shouted.

"The spiders were gross, okay?" She said.

"ROOAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" AnDrool shouted, coming up on them fast.

"RUUNNNNNN!" He screamed, pulling Elyne along with him.

And so, the two imbeciles began to run along the flight of stairs, while AnDrool gave chase after them, spitting out spiders at them.

"Come back here, you bastards!" AnDrool shouted.

Unfortunately, Elyne clumsily tripped over the stairs and fell, pushing Henri to the ground in the process. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Elyne screamed, falling over.

"GAH!" Henri cried, as he was being pushed to the floor.

AnDrool finally managed to catch up with the two. "Wahahahahaha… now, you shall pay for killing my precious spiders!" He roared, with loads of spiders crawling out as he opened his mouth, trying to bite his ass.

"GAH! My ass!" Henri screamed.

"Henri… quick, the arrow!" Elyne called out to him.

Henri suddenly remembered the Arrow of Obesity. The very arrow that had killed Sinthia and Jester. He quickly pulled out the arrow from within his pants and stuck it directly at AnDrool's mouth just before the fat ghost's got the chance to bite him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" AnDrool screamed. He began to crap and pee involuntarily as tremendous amount of smoke started to rise from his head. Henri and Elyne watched in awe as the spiders started to melt away.

(Poof!)

And then there was nothing.

(Later…)

Henri and Elyne arrived at the Generator Room.

"Argh! My head hurts…" Henri groaned.

"What's wrong, Henri?" She asked, when her eyes suddenly caught sight of something moving in the dark towards the far end of the room. "H-henri… what's that?" She asked, pointing to the shadows at the extreme for end of the room.

"I don't know…" He grumbled, straining his eyes at the shadows before them. "… let's see if we can find some switches…" He said, feeling around the wall next to him when he managed to find a flip switch. Henri then flicked it.

The lights to the Generator Room turned on.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri and Elyne screamed.

In front of them were a dozen purple Teletubby clones.

"Hi there sexy!" All the twelve Teletubby clone giggled in unison.

Henri immediately felt his blood drained away from his body. He quickly leaned against the wall for support.

"Henri… what are we gonna do?" Elyne asked, staring at the bunch of Teletubbies starting to march towards them.

"Kill me, Elyne. Kill me!" Henri pleaded for Elyne to kill him.

"Henri, what the fuck are you saying?" She shouted. "We've survived this long to give up! Wake up, you sissy face!" She continued, slapping him on his head with her handbag.

"Ouch! Fuck you bitch! I've had enough headaches as it is already…" He cried.

"Hehehehehehehehehe…" The Teletubbies laughed in a horrible horrible manner that sent shivers to their spines.

"Oh god! I don't think we can get away with this… there's simply too many of them for one to handle…" Henri cried.

"THAT'S IT!" Elyne exclaimed. "Henri, you are so clever!"

"Wha-?" He blabbered, looking at her like an idiot. "What'd I say?"

And so, Elyne bravely stood up front and briskly shove her hand forward to signal for the Teletubbies to stop. Unfortunately, because of her poor aim, she accidentally slapped one of the Teletubbies on his face.

"Ouch! Dammit, bitch!" The Teletubby clone groaned.

"Oops! Sorry…" Elyne apologized.

The Teletubby continued to stare at her.

"Alright... look, I know all you Teletubbies want Henri…" She said. "… yeah?"

The Teletubbies all roared with excitement.

"But there's only one of him, and so many of you. So, here's what we are gonna do… there are twelve of you here and one Henri…" She said, pointing to a whining Henri next to her. "Let's all have a challenge… a fight… a battle of death. Whoever is the last Teletubby standing, he will get to win a one-night-stand with our hot and sexy Henri in the Water Jail."

"WHAT?" Henri shouted, looking at her in shock.

"Woo-Hoo!" The Teletubby clones cheered.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN?" Henri shouted at Elyne. "ITS MY ASS YOU ARE TALKING HERE, YOU BITCH!" Henri screamed.

_"Shut up, Henri… you are ruining my plan…"_ She whispered to him.

"Huh?" Henri said, staring at her stupidly. "W-what plan?"

_"The trick here is to let them kill each other... get it?"_ She told him. "Watch and learn, sissyboy."

"HEY! I'm not a sissy, okay? I may look a little feminine with this hairstyle, but I'm not a sissy…" He argued.

"Whatever…" She muttered, dismissing his speech.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Okay… let the fight, begin!" She said, using her hand to signal at the Teletubby clones.

_RRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRR! _

(Moments later…)

All twelve of the purple Teletubby clones were down on the floor either dead or badly injured.

"Oooooh… ahhhhh…" Henri stared in awe at the sight before him.

"Let's go… sissyboy!" Elyne said.

And so, Henri happily trotted behind her and they arrived at the other end of the Generator Room. Henri tried his hand on the door and he opened it, only to reveal… DUN… DUN…DUN… DUNNNNNNN… yet another spiral stairway.

"No… not the spiral stairway… _AGAIN_!" Henri groaned.

(Later…)

Henri and Elyne entered the door located at the end of the spiral stairway below. They had entered into the Apartment World.

**_

* * *

_**

**Flashback… **

A bunch of silly-looking people were sitting around a bon fire, at the backyard of the Apartment, sucking at their thumbs. Suddenly, a corny music sounded out from nowhere. A blond teenager then stood up and he started mumbling.

His name is Tydus.

"Hi everybody. Listen to my story…" Tydus said.

The others simply disregarded his presence as they continued to suck at their thumb, staring at the fire.

"HEY! I SAID, LISTEN TO MY FUCKING STORY, YOU MORONS!" He shouted, kicking the sand on the ground directly at the group.

"GAH!" They cried, rolling around the ground.

"My eyes… my eyes…" One of them was rubbing at her teary eyes.

"Bletch!" The other one spat, as he was furiously clawing at his tongue to rid of the sand-y taste in his mouth.

"Ack! I-I… I, I can't fucking breathe… there's sand in my nose!" Another one cried.

"Okay… settle down, people and listen to my story… for this may be my last chan-" He said.

"You are damn right this is your last chance, you sick fuck! Khimari gonna break your fucking neck!" A blue beast interrupted and pounced onto him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tydus yelped, before he was being pinned down.

"Stop it, Khimari…" A lady called out. "… and let go Tydus. You are gonna break his neck!"

"?" Khimari paused, loosening his grip. "Y-yes, Lady Luna… Khimari loose grip on Tydus."

"T-thank you… Lady Luna…" Tydus whizzed weakly, rubbing at his bruised neck.

"You don't have to thank me, Tydus… you know I simply can't just let Khimari break your neck…" She replied.

_"Ooh… I knew she liked me… HA!"_ Tydus thought.

"… because I WANT TO BREAK YOUR NECK MYSELF, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" She continued, screaming as she reached for his neck like a lunatic.

The others sweatdrop.

(After scuffling around for an hour or so later…)

The entire group sat around the fire, getting all dirty and panting out of breath.

"Hey! Where's my Volleyball?" Waka asked.

"Ask that fat Lolo over there… maybe she hid it under her dress… hahahahaha…" Awron joked, pointing at her obviously bulging stomach.

Lolo sweatdrop.

"Stop the crude joke, Sir Awron… she's not fat… she's just pregnant." Waka defended her.

"I'M NOT PREGNANT!" Lolo screamed.

"But I thought… I-I, I… you… oh…" Waka flustered.

Lolo gave him a look of disgust.

"Uh, Riku… what are you looking for?" Tydus asked.

"My Cake Candle. The one that I always used to light my bombs…" Riku replied, still searching at her pouch. "… i-its missing."

"GAH! Khimari good luck charm. Khimari good luck charm is missing too!" The blue creature said.

"Ha-ha… you stupid little… um…" Awron laughed. "… uh… um… hey, what the fuck are you anyway, Khimari? I mean, you are neither a human nor an animal…"

The others suddenly turned their attention to the blue beast before them.

"Khimari is a…" The beast looked ill at ease, having to disclose his species. "… cat."

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Everyone laughed.

Khimari sweatdrop.

"Alright, fine… as I was saying, you stupid little kitty cat…" Awron paused, wiping at the tears in his eyes from all the laughing and at the same time shuddering at the thought of calling the blue beast a kitty cat. "… how could you loose something as important as a good luck charm?"

"By the way, what _IS_ your good luck charm anyway?" Lolo asked.

"Khimari good luck charm is a cute little Stuffed Cat. It represents Khimari's sexual aura…" The blue beast replied.

Everyone jawdrop.

"Looks like we've got some fucking thieves here in our group…" Awron said, looking at each and everyone of them in suspicion.

"I'd agree with you, Awron and-" Tydus said. "Huh? What the fuck? Anybody see my Billiard Ball?"

"Who the fuck would carry a Billiard Ball around?" Luna asked.

"Um… me?" Tydus replied, innocently.

Luna sweatdrop.

Unknown to them, a person in colorful clothing was secretly peeping at them from behind the bushes. Next to him were a Volleyball, a Cake Candle, a Stuffed, and a Billiard Ball.

"Hehehehehe… looked like my plan is going smoothly…" The person thought. "… very smoothly."

**End of Flashback… **

**_

* * *

_**

"Henri, what the fuck is happening around here?" Elyne asked. "The Teletubbies, the ghosts, and the weird places… it felt like some tasteless nightmare or something…"

"I-I… I don't know…" Henri replied, scratching at his head.

"Henri, you are so dense, I bet you don't know anything." She said, annoyingly.

"Yes, I do." Henri said. "Test me. Ask me anything."

"Anything?"

"Absolutely anything." He said, confidently.

"Okay… what is one plus one?"

"Uh…" Henri pondered.

(Forty-six minutes later…)

"Three?" Henri answered.

Elyne sweatdrop.

"Whatever… let's just move on." She said.

The two of them carried on their journey when they came across a parked vehicle.

"Look Elyne… a note on the windscreen." Henri chuckled, picking it up.

**_"I think we were being forced to accompany Lady Luna to go and fight Sin… _**

**_Dammit! And to make it worst, we weren't paid! What a ripoff… _**

**_Riku was always dripping her Cake Candle wax on my private part when I was sleeping… _**

**_Khimari was always cuddling at his Stuffed Cat and boasting about his sexual aura… _**

**_Waka always tried to imitate Lolo's fat tummy by stuffing his Volleyball under his shirt… _**

**_I enjoyed balancing my Billiard Ball on my hips. It makes my butt looked fuller… _**

**_But we seemed to have lost all of our stuffs… _**

**_I'm gonna kill the thief when I find out who that fucker is… _**

**_There will be a reward, when we are able to recover the four things… _**

**_I can't help but still think that we were being forced to accompany Lady Luna against our will…"_ **

"So, are we gonna find the four things?" Elyne asked, as they were walking towards an elevator.

"Huh? Wha-? How the hell did you know about the four things?" Henri asked.

"You were reading the note so loudly, I think even the people across the street could hear you…" She replied. _" Moron."_

(Ding!)

The elevator door opened, and the two of them gingerly entered it.

(Later…)

The elevator soon came to a stop and opened its door. Henri slowly inched his head out to examine its surrounding.

_"Psst! Elyne… I think its safe to come out…" _He whispered.

"Henri, I'm already outside…" She said, rolling her eyes over, walking away.

"Uh… wait for me!" He shouted after her.

As the two of them slowly made their ways around, they saw a person with colorful clothing dancing like a girl in front of them.

"Wolter?" Henri asked.

The person turned around. It was not Wolter.

"Hey! Who the fuck are you?" Henri continued to ask.

The person panicked and ran. Henri immediately gave chase after him, but the person was simply too fast for him. And so, Henri decided to stop and returned back to where Elyne was standing.

"Look what that freak dropped." She said, presenting him with a toy.

"The Stuffed Cat!" He exclaimed.

"Not only that… look behind you." She told him.

Henri quickly turned and looked in the direction where the person had run away. There were even more items dropped on the floor.

A Billiard Ball.

A Volleyball.

A Cake Candle.

**_

* * *

_**

(Meanwhile…)

The mysterious person panted like crazy, as he hid inside some smelly trashbin. He slowly lifted the cover and peeped through the tiny gap.

_"Phew!" _He heaved a sigh of relief. _"Hmmm… I didn't know that there were other people here in this apartment world. This wasn't exactly the plan…" _He thought, silently.

**_

* * *

_**

**Flashback… **

The very moment he heard that Lady Luna and her team were on a trip to fight off Sin, he knew that he had to do this. And so, he went into his library and took out a book titled, **"Love Rituals: How to Make the One You Love, Love You"**.

The book detailed all the necessary ingredients that are needed to perform the ritual. A Stuffed Cat, a Billiard Ball, a Volleyball, and a Cake Candle. The book also mentioned that the ritual can only be performed in a deserted third dimensional Apartment World.

"You are going to be mine! MINE! MIINNEEEE! Muwahahahaha!" He grinned.

_"I love you… Tydus!" _He muttered under his breath.

**End of flashback… **

**_

* * *

_**

_"Oh whatever… the plan has to go on!" _He told himself. _"Oh man, this place is hot!" _He continued, as he started to search around his coat for his pink handkerchief. He wanted to wipe away the sweat on his forehead before they started to melt away his beautiful makeup. But, as he was feeling around his coat, he felt that something was missing. He looked down only to realize that he had lost all the four things he had stolen.

"GAH!" He screamed, before he quickly covered his mouth. _"SHIT! I must've dropped them when I was trying to escape just now… dammit! How the fuck am I going to perform the Voo-Doo ritual without the ritual items?" _He thought. He could feel the sweat in his underpants.

He groaned and shifted uncomfortably inside the trashbin, to reveal a nametag on his colorful coat.

The nametag read, **"Seymore"**.

**_

* * *

_**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Final fantasy, Silent Hill, and everything else that I might have accidentally used in my fanfic.

**A/N: **Here's the latest Chapter. I think this chapter's kinda weird because I don't even know what I'm writing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think I'm going crazy. Ha! Anyway, hope that you people would like it. TTFN.


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